[justene]

I do feel so helpless and sorry for your plight. I am in a very similar situation, but 10 years younger. I do hope you can fulfil your dreams soon. Hugs

[justene]

I am a 1950’s baby boomer. Both parents were involved in the services during the war. I have a sister 7 years older than me. My Mother was very ill during the pregnancy prior to my birth. My birth was difficult and traumatic and there was doubt whether both of us would survive.
We did, and my mother is now almost 90. There has always been a formidable bond between the both of us, and I am now returning the love and caring that she gave me as a child, as she has developed dementure in the last few years .
I remember watching my mother getting dressed to go out. I loved to see her putting on her corset with the clips to hold up her stockings. I would put her high heels on and clump around while she dressed.
One hot summer’s day I was in the bathroom, dressed only in shorts and my mother’s heels. I stood on a small chair, looking in the mirror.
I slid open the mirror door and removed Mum’s favourite lipstick.
I turned the base before taking the top off, and being a hot day, the stick squashed in the lid.
Undeterred I applied the wonderfully red colour to my lips.
I was 5 y. o.
A lightening bolt of pain shot through my tiny body as my Father unleashed his belt, buckle end out, whipping around my naked chest.
That day changed my life forever.
My Father had no time for me and I none for him.
He called me a mummies boy, sookie boy and said I should have been a girl.
I was frightened and very confused.
I WANTED to be a girl.
This feeling was reinforced when relatives came to visit as the common comment was how much I resembled my Mother in looks and build when she was that age.
When I was 10,my sister moved out and I moved into her room,complete with a large box of her discarded clothes.
I wore her bathers to school, under my school clothes of course. I didn’t forsee that they would be so uncomfortable having to wear them for about 10 hours.( I caught the schoolbus at 7.30 and returned at 5.30).
I used to wear my sister’s nylon undies to school whenever I could and her nylon nighties and bra to bed.
Mum caught me”dressed” early one morning when she came in to my room to get some clothes to wash. She just smiled and left,and nothing more was said.
After that, the nylons were included in my drawers with my boy clothes when she had done the washing. Love you Mum.
Puberty came and as I watched the girls in my class develop, I felt so cheated that I grew hair and not breasts. I wanted SO Much to have boobs.
I was a loner at school, not knowing how to cope with my hormones going one way and my brain wanting to go another. not wanting to be with boys and too shy to be with girls.
Two male teachers, separately, tried to “seduce” me. They must have noticed that I was “vunerable”. The only thing that saved me was that I had to catch the bus to get home, and couldn’t go to their houses for private “tuition” after school.
I may have exceeded the theme of this post, so I will leave my story here for now.
Thanks to all at TgR. You truely have saved my life.
Hugs
Justene