Like many girls on TGR, I knew I was different even as a child. I would surreptitiously dress in my sister's clothes, terrified of being caught out. Later as an adult, I would buy clothes \"for my partner\" and then wear them surreptitiously at home, terrified of being caught out. Finally, I ventured out in public, in Sydney far away from home, thrilled and pleased but still terrified of being seen as transgender, i.e. as not passing for a woman. Then, well into my sixties I couldn't lead the double life any longer and said \"Oh golly gosh (or an equivalent vulgar phrase) I'm just going to be me, my feminine self\".<\/p>\n
But who\/what is my feminine self? I've grown my hair, bought elegant feminine clothes, keep finger and toe nails painted, changed my name, use breast forms and always wear makeup - but I'm still 6'1\" tall, have large feet and hands, speak with a deep voice and have a masculine'ish face. From a distance perhaps I'm taken for a \"real\" woman, but close up and when I'm speaking there's no way I can pass. Of course, it doesn't help that I don't wear clothes that \"match my age\": I have great legs after 55 years as a runner and I ain't gonna hide them! I attract attention, as my partner tells me.<\/p>\n
So, after a long period of fear and frustration at \"not passing\" I've finally reached a point (most of the time) of accepting that I'm transgender and not apologising to anyone for it. I'm never going to be a \"real\" woman, or even a passable one after surgery etc (which anyway I can't afford or undertake health-wise). It's obvious that I'm presenting<\/b> as female and most people respect that. Although not perfect, this situation pretty much satisfies my desire to be my feminine self.<\/p>\n
In summary, I no longer care that I'm not passable. Being passable full-time in life is a bridge too far for me, as it probably is for most other MtF transgender people.<\/p>\n
Regards,<\/p>\n
Chantelle<\/p>\n
PS there are emotional and behavioural aspects of my feminine self (not just appearance) - but I won't talk about those here!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"template":"","topic-tag":[],"class_list":["post-2342","topic","type-topic","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/tgr.net.au\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/topic\/2342","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/tgr.net.au\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/topic"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/tgr.net.au\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/topic"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/tgr.net.au\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/topic\/2342\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/tgr.net.au\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2342"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"topic-tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tgr.net.au\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/topic-tag?post=2342"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}