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Going out will my identity be seen and found out?
Hi Girls
I am organising to go out for the first time dressed as Gianna to the Taxi Club in April this year .
My main concern , is not that I will be seen as a man dressed up , but my identity being seen and found out .
A transexual friend of mine says that the only one that will see my real identity is myself , and that others would not really see who I am Especially with extra make up , fake eyelashes , nails etc .
Has anyone had the same fears , and what their experiences were ??
Lots of Love Gianna xoxoxo
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13 Replies
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Hi,
What is the likelihood of anyone you know actually attending the taxi Club on that night? Depending on your social circle it would be probably be most unlikely.
As you have been advised, people will only see you as you present, you have very little to fear on being recognised at the taxi as plenty of people around, you will just be another person in the crowd if you go on the Fri,Sat after 9-10pm. Earlier on its a bit quiet in there unless you are attending the restaurant first.
Just as a suggestion its probably better if you can organise a friend to go with you to the taxi if possible.
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Gianna I was like that a long time ago, way back before I came out. Seriously though, if anyone that you know is at the Taxi Club and recognises you then you can most likely be sure that they are like minded and/or they might not want their secret out either. In that case, I don’t think that you would face a problem. I’ve never seen you close up but consider this…a truck driver at work to this day does not know that he stared at me when I was out in Newtown two years ago.
Don’t make eye contact with anyone that you do recognise but also don’t panic yourself looking for people either, you’ll only spoil your night.
Peta A.
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Quote:Hi,
Just as a suggestion its probably better if you can organise a friend to go with you to the taxi if possible.Funnily enough this can be a good or bad thing – depending if your friend is another T-girl.
Going out with another Tgirl (or maybe a few dozen – hey I hope you are buying a ticket to TransFormal in may!!) is a great way to overcome those first-time nerves
But going out with someone you know in your male persona (like a partner/girl friend) is in fact likely to increase the chance of you being recognised – because whilst someone won’t recognise you they will see your friend and ask themselves who is the person with them. -
Hi Gianna
Yes I had the same fears that you have now when I first went out in public, like you I was going to Darlinghurst for my first trans-fusion 2008.
I agree will all the girls comments Anthea is so right about the taxi club on Friday or Saturday night there are so many people there you’ll just blend in. But what Peta has said is what I thought when I went out, if I meet someone I know in this place they like me don’t want other people to know what we do.
And going out with someone you know, I go out with my wife when as Penny only once in Newtown she spotted someone that we might know and all I did was walk away from her so the other person didn’t see me.
But I must admit a taxi club can be a little bit sleazy at times, so what Amanda has suggested about coming along to transformal is another safe option of going out..So at the end of the day you have to make a choice, it’s a risk to go out. But I must admit since I have been out in public I have met so many wonderful people from the transgender community that I can now call friends.
Penny
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Gianna,
I went to the ball the year before last and the fist time I went out to dine whilst dressed I thought the world was going to cave in on me. It didn’t and the confidence gained through that one weekend was priceless. I honestly don’t think that unless you look for others who you may know then it doesn’t really enter the equation. I met somebody whilst dressed as Helen and the next time I saw them I was en homme, they didn’t have a clue who I was and were very embarressed when they were told!
Go out and enjoy the experience, relax and savour.
Helen
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We all face similar problems when going out, whether we be TS or TG or CD, what matters most is your behaviours and how you relate to people. Don’t go alone the first time or two okay, go in small numbers and test yourself with people that you are comfortable with. Don’t drink alcohol either, as that might effect your behaviour and leave you open to doing something you will later regret and I don’t mean sexual but a silly something nonetheless. Do talk to people, but be careful what you say, you don’t want to inadvertently give something away you later regret too. Watch for drink spiking and only get drinks str8 from the bar attendant etc, preferably a bottle you see them open in front of you. Go with a friend to the toilet, don’t go alone even if you think it might be okay, you just do not know what kinda odd-balls there are. Don’t carry more cash that you need, including taxi/ fares home and don’t take credit cards for obvious reasons as they have your male name on them too. Stay in well lit areas, with others, safety in numbers, and wear a long coat if you are going in a shirt dress/ skirt, make sit hard for the potential on-lookers to oggle and thus give rise to hassles when you don’t want it.
Be aware that no matter where you go, you will be seen by somebody, some good and some not. You must be prepared to weather the resultant reactions of you goign out dressed action … there is not escaping it, sorry to drop that on you like a ton of bricks, but its a factor you must know and must accept or you’ll be living in denial and rowing up de-Nile is a energy draining exercise that gets you nowhere and fast!
Do all things one step at a time, relax and people around you will relax, and stay focussed on having a good time even if its just for a couple of hours the first time before going for slightly longer times in the future. Tell yourself and believe that you have every wright to express yourself how you choose. You do not need to justify your actions of dressing and going out to anybody else, not even the rest of the community. Share only with others what you feel okay to share, there is plenty of moments ahead of you to get deeply involved etc, so take it easy and hey, please do let s know in a posting how it went for you, okay
Cheers
AbbeyJane from the Canberra Transgender Network
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Having been to the Taxi Club just once I would make this recommendation. Unless you are feeling very confident and/or are with friends don’t go via Gilligan’s Island. The inhabitants of that piece of real estate are not backward in coming forward at the best of times; if they should clock you you’ll cop a bit of verbal stick. (Maybe I just looked like a dog?)
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Hey Gianna,
I agree with most on this forum.
It will be your night, so think positive and try not to worry about the possibility of someone being there you know, let alone taking some form of negative stance if they were. You’ve got a better chance of winning lotto.
Your planned night out at the Taxi would probably make you feel a little easier by having a friend with you. But if you don’t have anyone to go with you, don’t let that stop you. If it is a Fri or Sat night, there will be other girls around so you certainly won’t feel alone. If by chance someone is hassling you, and it’s making you uncomfortable, talk to one of the girls at the Bar (or the boys). The Taxi officially has a zero tolerance for anyone hassling the girls! You will realise fairly quickly just how relaxed you feel, and how well you will be treated by other patrons and the staff.
A suggestion, depending on what date in April you are planning. Avoid Good Friday, 2nd April, as most other venues in the Oxford Street area are closed, whilst the Taxi, as a Club, is open. It is probably the busiest single night of the year, so relaxing space may be hard to find.
Let me know what night you are planning, and if I’m there we’ll have a drink and a chat. Maybe a few of the TR Girls might like to tag the same night for a social night out in support? š
Joanne xx
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“And going out with someone you know, I go out with my wife when as Penny only once in Newtown she spotted someone that we might know and all I did was walk away from her so the other person didn’t see me. “
This is a problem I’ve had when out locally with my wife – she’s a big sign advertising my identity and, whilst I’m reasonably open about being a CD there are still people within our business/social circles we’d rather didn’t find out by bumping into me in the street.
Out on my own I have never had any problem. I have walked past people I know and not been recognised. My kids’ school principal once held a door for me in Wollongong’s mall.
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Hi,
First off go & have a lovely evening Just be your self & have fun .
I came at this from another perpective no matter where i went i would be reconised the reason being i told every one what to expect part of being well known so for my self i had to at a 100 yards i would be seen & known. & even from behind.
thats my difference ,
For most how you dress make up & hair or a wig would no dought put you in a place of not being reconised so my thinking is youll do very well.
have a good time,
…noeleena…
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Go out and have some fun.
I doubt if any one would regognise you even face to face.
I have been out with my wife a few times and bumped into people we know and they have not regognised me even while standing right next to me.
unless you wave and shout Hi!I nobody will know.
Have fun
Vicki -
Gianna,
I have been shopping and passed friends and work mates whilst dressed. Not one had the slightest recognition.If you see someone you know, don’t make eye contact unless you wat to be seen.
Out and about thats life, Joanne_1 š š
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I’m quite sure that everyone who has ventured out in public, like me was terrified. Terrified that someone who knows you in male mode would jump up and down in a crowd and start shouting I didn’t know you crossdressed. Most unlikely, like others have said, they would either not recognise you or, if they did would disctreetly walk by, eyes looking at the ground. I think the greatest challenge we face is the fear generated within ourselves over groundless premises. I’m not advocating that an inner fear is totally groundless, of course not; we all face that fear. Going out is far easier when, with a like and supportive person, or even a group. I’m no exception, it’s only a couple of weeks ago when I was out en femme with Clare et.al. We had dined, no problems, we were then going to a movie, still no problems until I realised that we were walking through a large shopping mall to access the cinema complex. Bugger! When I saw the crowd in the complex foyer I very nearly freaked out, oh! shit. It was only the apparent self composure of the others with me that kept me sane. As Clare said afterwards, ‘you get used to it.’ And I found that is exactly what happens , we get used to it. The more you venture out, the easier it becomes. Enjoy life to the full, it’s too short to overly worry.
Hugs,
Liz
