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What is ” acceptance?”
Last night I went out to a party in femme mode , the full deal. As I got ready I began to worry about some of the other guests, some people and their that kids I don’t know ,their parents reaction, my Jobs Australia case worker , teenagers etc. The usual self doubts and possible negative interactions filled me and at one stage I nearly decided to stay at home. The image I enjoy most is a sixties look including a good wet set and as I have not been out much lately , I overdid the whole thing and was very far from discreetly dressed. This , to me is a bit of a ” blow out”of cobwebs and a look I like to call ” Queen Poofter from the Planet Poofter ” look, in other words “DRAG” so I was unsure of the reactions.
In the end I decided to go ( the hosts were fine about it as I had discussed the idea first with them ) and everyone could not have been more friendly, natural and kind, even the kids hardly gave me a second look. It was a great evening and we ended up discussing all manner of topics including gender and its expression. It surprised me how open the men were about their inner thoughts and fears and insecurities about their gender issues etc and I thanked them for the honesty.I have been thinking today about what I have in the past, expected in terms of ” acceptance ”. It occurs to me that I do not expect others to like or approve of my choices and appearance nor do I any longer ask anyone for approval of myself as a person ” am I likeable? am I OK? etc.
So what is acceptance? I have decided ( for the time being anyway!) that as long as folk see me for the way I behave ( respectful though edgy at times) and can accept that I am the way I am , then that is good enough for me.
Today I feel very positive and have a great feeling of being free. I think that the whole coming out process is a cyclical one ( like most of the Universe ) and we can always move on that bit further.
I urge all Tr folk to take courage and keep on the journey, we can only be ourselves after all. -
9 Replies
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I think that you are quite right with your definition here Christina. I was really worried about what would happen on Boxing Day just gone as well as what would happen through the year at work especially too but I got nothing bad. People know that I am transgendered (an umbrella term) and on HRT and they are fine with it, some even ask me questions and want to know more. That is acceptance, being able to just get on with your life without being judged or pushed away by people around you just as much as being able to go wherever you want to when you want to.
Peta A.
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Acceptance is a funny thing, some will accept and will not judge, others will not accept but will smile and keep away from the subject while others will be too scared to say a thing.
The ones that dont accept should keep to them selves and mind their own business, but we will always have the trouble makes which has been shown many a time.
Always hold your head up high and smile, people find that so hard to fight against, be polite even if they are not, they will feel the asshole in the end. All this is easy to say but hard to do, but it does work.
If you dress in a rude manner then you will expect rude comments, if you dress in a sexie manner then expect ot be noticed, if you dress over the top then expect to be commented about.
Congrats Christina, I think you did great.
xxx
Kelly Jones
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Inspirational advice Christina, and Kelly and Peta reaffirm what you have said. Acceptance of ones self is the issue i have to deal with. I often tell myself and others, i am of the age where i couldn’t care less what others think about me. The realilty is…..that i do worry about what others think of me whether i am Brian or Bronwyn. I guess vanity plays a part here. The few people who know of Bronwyn have accepted that part of my life and i am so glad they have. I only have 2 close friends in this town apart from my partner after 17 years of living here. My partner of 8 years accepts i am a cd but wont support me in anyway. Luckily we both live in our own place otherwise we would not be together at all.
So while acceptance is paramount , the reality for me is that while i can’t accept my own behaviour as a cd, i will continue to live mostly in the closet.
I also know that my desire to behave and look like a female is ever present within me and the urge to behave and look like a female is so strong. Being basically a weak character will ensure that i will forever stay in the closet. Sad but true. Bronwyn -
Thinking more about this , I guess that I used to think that acceptance meant that others ( especially a Significant other) had to support and enjoy my femme side .It occurs to me as I write, I had two distinctive “personas” back then while now I am more of both melded into a largely androgynous being.
Back then any rejection of Christina at least left Chris intact but now that I feel like I am Chris/tina , rejection affects the whole being, I am not prepared to divide off parts of ME in order to be acceptable to others.As I said earlier, then I needed others to say that I was an OK person , after the usual years of shame and fear of my thoughts that I had in my youth. In fact I recently told my ex wife( who has moved back to this town ) how much I appreciate the fact that she was the first person to allow me to express that part of me and to even strongly support HER , it was the start of my being able to be a whole, more rounded person, both he and she. In fact, it was” the making of me” , as the saying goes!
I prefer to remain single rather than go back into that dark place where my expression of self hurts or offends someone that I care for.
Again , as I have said, I will no longer ask for acceptance but it is very welcome when it is freely given by people who I care about. -
Acceptance made me think.
Resistance from others or from ones self or acceptance from same, feelings , emotions , valid are all when not being forced upon others, when i here it is so that people can let each other be with out confrontation I see humanity at its best.
Now if only i thought it true in my life i should act on it myself and draw back the male curtain that shrouds the real me. I would be richer for my experiance i am sure but alas poorer for the lack of income.Do i ramble or is there some sence in what i say, i do not know , i do applaude those that go before me though!!
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I don’t see your views as Rambles more as a logical views that do creep around in the old brain cells, that some times are our own worst foes. Many a time I go back in myself and see it was me who did not except. But now you come to mention it I still try to avoid children lord knows why?
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Hi everyone!
I just had to make a comment on the subject. I guess just about everyone else has had to confront the subject of acceptance sometime in their lives. Myself is no exception. Basically, I view the broad role of acceptance as acceptance of ones’ self. Without self acceptance we hide behind closet doors and are afraid of what we are. I’ve been there much of my transgendered miserable life. Afraid of everyone around me, especially those who are closest. Afraid of what they think, what they would say and afraid of what they may do. It took many years of my introverted self to find self acceptance. Many years of personal development, soul searching and trying to shake off my timidity. Being transgendered certainly didn’t help. I have found that my advancing years have certainly helped, where I tell myself, ‘I don’t give a stuff’. But the problem is, I do care and care very much. It’s not about others, it’s all about yourself, full stop.
Attending the December Canberra ‘Knees up’, my first time out at a public event I observed the other girls, not only their dress and their deportment, but their demeanour. Most seemed so self confident, I was quite envious. I realised that they all had one thing in common, they had achieved, in my view, some sort of self acceptance. Most of our friends who count know of ‘Liz’ and seem accepting to some degree or other.
A few years ago on the last day of a week long personal developmet couse, a female fellow participant whom I admired learnt of ‘Liz’. I almost pooed myself with sheer terror. I shared my lifelong companion, Liz with someone else. Like my wife of half a lifetime, my friend exhibited pure and unconditional love. At the time I burst into tears with gratitude. I have never forgotten. To a degree I still struggle, but I am able to hold my head high and look others in the eye and hope for the best.
Its not about how I dress, how I look nor, I think about being transgendered. It’s about me, personally, deep inside. An accumulation of a lifetime of experiences, good, bad and indifferent. It’s about how I veiw my role in the world and my interaction with others. It’s about self acceptance.Hugs and a glorious year ahead,
Liz
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Wow what a great thread. I agree with the above poster, acceptance starts with self. I cant expect anyone else to accept me if i cant first accept myself.
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Beautifully said Liz!
As one of the ‘confident’ ones, I can confirm that my confidence comes from self acceptance. I am who I am.
