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TR continues to focus on Gender not sexuality
There have been thorough discussions elsewhere in the forums about the relationship between gender and sexuality. Or should that read the lack of relationship – as the widely held view is that gender diversity has no real bearing on sexual attraction other than blurring completely the conventionally used terms like gay, bi, hetero etc.
Out of these discussions came the position that TR is here to support those who are gender diverse – and not to facilitate the forming of sexual relationships. Meet-up/dating sites with their higher membership and adult ratings are far better suited to this.
As a result, we do not allow the on-line chat to be used for solicitation for sex
and it may have been an oversight to not make the same restriction more explicit in the content of member profiles.
When a profile states a sexual persuasion and seeks out other member for fun, the line between gender support and a sexual meet-up has I think been crossed.There aren’t many members who have crossed the line, but the content of their profiles does have the potential to tarnish the reputation of TR, and imply an unintended agenda. It also clearly upsets some members who came to the site for support free from solicitation.
So from now on we will reject profiles that include any description of your sexuality or which contain an invitation to meet for any sexually oriented activity. And we may take the opportunity to retrospectively edit some profiles that with hindsight should not perhaps have been let through.
Of course you may do what you like in emails – provided you don’t offend members to the point they complain. But the web site needs to focus on gender and the issues we all face from crossdressers through to transexuals.
I think it is best in the long run that TR sticks to what it uniquely can do best.
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9 Replies
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A brilliant comment Amanda, I couldn’t have said it better myself. We ARE here to support each other in our journeys through life and yes, that is what I believe that we should continue to do. It’s a shame that some people do otherwise.
Peta A.
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Yes Amanda I do agree. This is a support site and to have people trowling for sexual hookups has affened people in the past. I took my profile off public because of the amount of emails I was getting for sex. This is not what the site is for and I would back you 100%
xxx
Kelly Jones
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Firstly I do not want to see this site used for solicitation in any shape or form and would like to see a system where a member who has received such an approach can refer it to you, Amanda for appropriate action.
However I believe that finding one’s sexual preference is an important aspect of recognising, accepting and then becoming one’s true self. There are also significant issues for our partners, how do they see a post op woman sexually? Does our sexuality change as we progress through transition and beyond. We have life changes that bring our sexuality into question by ourselves and by others including family, friends and past/present/future partners.
I know in my case I have been challenged about my feelings and attraction to men as I have transitioned and at the same time as maintaining an intimate relationship with my wife. She too has had to confront her heterosexuality to become comfortable in a lesbian relationship with her ‘husband’ who is now a ‘post op’ woman. Confusing – yes; Challenging – most definitely; and we should be able to and also encourage the sharing of these important aspects of our lives.
I have also just finished reading Pantau’s autobiograpghy (a.k.a. Veronique Renard) Pholomolo No Man No Woman. The details of her life from her earliest memories through teenage years, transition and SRS at 19 years of age in 1984 in Amsterdam through to living in Dharamsala in 2000s is absolutely fascinating. What I found most enlightening though was her absolute honesty about her sexuality and sexual experiences. How these manifested in her early years and progressively changed as she become a happy heterosexual woman. The differences in her partners reactions to her transsexuality both initially and over time is most informative. Her description of the challenge and ultimate success of her first real female organism 7+ years after SRS is simply beautiful and very helpful in understanding the mind body issues that may exist for many of us. This is not the only gem but I will leave the others to you to find!
For me sexuality is intertwined with my transsexualism and I do appreciate it is different for each of us!
Time for some shopping in Bangkok!
Jade -
Thanks Amanda that is a good discussion post.
I certainly appreciate TR for being largely hassle free as far as sexual advances go. I joined the site for support, not sex, and have had lots of support from some wonderful girls. I have learnt over time that the private chat sessions can be used well by members but that others do use them to “hit” on other members. I was perhaps at first naive in accepting some private audiences. But one learns quickly. But I add hastily that I dont want to see the private chat option removed as its good for personal support too.
There is such a wonderful diversity of TG girls on TR. Some are sexually excited by dressing while others are definitely not. For some its purely gender while for others its a blend of sex and gender. And then theres grey areas where while being TG is very much about gender one still questions to some extent ones sexual preferences. After all we are mostly sexual beings.
But there are many sites available for sexual liaisons while there are few like TR where the thrust (pun intended) is all about support. And I appreciate that.
But I hope it doesnt preclude discussion about sexual preferences as the previous post discussed. It is an important part of transition for many. I dont see a problem with stating ones sexual preference so long as its not merely a come-on. If TR was to ban discussing sexual preference and changes during transition or living as TG thereof (especially in the forums) I think it would be poorer for it. But I think that that is what Amanda is saying (Amanda??).
For me its about the journey, living it, understanding it (when possible), enjoying it, and discussing it and supporting each other. To me thats what TR embodies. Its home to me. I’v been in a dark place lately for various reasons and I’m glad to be back. But even if I dont participate at times I usually go on-line to TR just to feel better. It has warmth to me. So Thanks Amanda and TR and all you supportive girls out there. Theres far more to life than what you can get from someone else!!
Go well Girls
Roisin x. -
Quote:But I hope it doesnt preclude discussion about sexual preferences as the previous post discussed. It is an important part of transition for many. I dont see a problem with stating ones sexual preference so long as its not merely a come-on. If TR was to ban discussing sexual preference and changes during transition or living as TG thereof (especially in the forums) I think it would be poorer for it. But I think that that is what Amanda is saying (Amanda??).To clarify, my comments were about profiles that solicit contacts of a presumably sexual nature.
I have absolutely no problem with the forum continuing the explore the relationship between gender and sexuality and allowing members to explore what this means in their particular context.
It is only the open advertising for “friends and fun” that I’m trying to discourage. -
I agree with everything that has been said about preventing this site from becoming a sex solicitation venue & therefore will not rehash what has been previously written.
However there are some of us who do not live in big cities and therefore have limited or no social interaction with other CD’s or TG’s or who are still in the cupboard and not ready or afraid to come out. Some of these are looking for genuine platonic friendships. We are isolated enough in the community. Therefore I make a plea that we be careful not to scare off fellow gender diverse people from seeking friendship through TR.
Lisa
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Yep! we all need friends of one sort or another and it’s a very thin line and can be easy to cross.
From my point of view I enjoy TR as there are no predators, and nor should there be.
If one wants a male companion they can be found on the many other sites in the big wide world of the internet.
But I do agree that we should discuss our sexual thoughts, problems, desires, feelings etc etc within the group.
I know I have a few hang-ups in that area, and probably need to sort them out – but not today.
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Well, I for one hope that TR will continue on as a help, support and discussion site – there are plenty of other sites around for sexual contact. Amanda does a great job of keeping TR true to it’s original concept.
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I agree with Amanda wholeheartedly, this is definately not the place for generating sexual liasions.
Although the subject of sexuality has not reared its ugly head as yet in my journey, I can understand how some of you would have a need to discuss new feelings and needs as you progress through your transistion.
So far my experiences as a CD have always been totally free of any sexual connotations and for the forseable future I would like to keep it that way. But I certainly won’t complain about anyone who has a genuine need to discuss new feelings or desires with with their peers in an attempt to understand the changes that beset them.Hugs Pamela!
