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Support from unlikely quarters – a balancing act.
This week I had cause to contact the ATO (Aus. Tax Office). As a business operator I have numerous obligations to the ATO & numerous dates to adhere to…sometimes in business, negotiations are required with the ATO regarding these obligations.
Such negotiations were required this week which involved a commitment on my part to meet an agreed time frame. As part of the negotiation I was required to provide a reason why I had not complied with some obligations.
The truth of the matter is, that I have had my head elsewhere (no not there, that’s where it usually is) for the last 18 months due to my, at times emotional transition journey. I have been so totally absorbed by my own needs that I have neglected other important tasks. (This is not a confession by the way).My usual style is to ‘say it how it is’, so I decided to tell the ATO representative exactly why I had not fulflled my obligation…I told them about my transition & the emotional effects of it. To my astonishment they were totally understanding & asked me how I would like to be addressed & did I give them permission to document what I had told them, as they felt it clearly indicated why I had deviated from my normally compliant ways. Additionally, they wished me well, in a manner that I believed to be sincere.
As I reflected on the outcome, two things came to mind;
1. You just never know who will react positively to your being transgendered.
2. The manner in which you approach potentially difficult situations has a large bearing on the outcome.I learned some time ago that when presented with a situation that could be confrontational, that the best way to avoid a potentially negative outcome is to ask for the other parties help. It indicates humility & avoids having the other party on the back foot.
The ATO situation is one such example…I asked for their help & understanding in a sincere way & for honest reasons. The representative responded professionally & sympathetically. I’m not assuming this was all about me…it was a two way street. I’ve found in life that most people are reasonable if you treat them with courtesy & respect. It’s been no different so far since publically transitioning my gender.As usual, I offer this story to those of you who would like to be ‘out’ but fear how the public may respond.
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5 Replies
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Yes. It is amazing where you get support from Chloe. I will second your motion for not fearing the journey as far as coming out to most organisations go.
My experience with the ATO was that they were unable to change my gender on my records pre-surgery, even though they could change my title, and I got an apology for that. I am still waiting to see this year if they get that right.
I had accounts with 2 banks. The main bank I used was very supportive and helpful. The other bank I do not use any more was another story. The “customer service person” was the most difficult person I have ever come across and “customer service” was not her strong point. I had the same documentation I had provided to everyone else and used without any problems, but, no – not in this particular institution. Not only was the experience difficult, you would think I was trying to defraud them. I was really angry by the time I left, but I left with my head held high.
I also found that may organisations are supportive and understanding of the “trauma’s” associated with transitioning are concerned. Even if they haven’t had specialised training, many of those at the forefront of these organisations have the personal traits that they can “understand” where we are coming from.
The key to gaining understanding though is quite simply – being open and honest. Most people have a “BS” filter and if you are trying to pull a swifty and using the “trans” card as an excuse rather than a valid reason, chances are you will get a negative response. We are not as rare or special as we may have been in the past and I was surprised how many people I came into contact with had already had some experience of a “trans” person of some sort.
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I’d be tempted not to make too much of a financial body (ATO/Bank) being nice to you if you fall behind with payments or paperwork.
I recently worked with a major bank on training the people who have to deal with “bad loans”. It was an eye-opener for me.
Compliance is a major cost for the ATO and banks – and generally any improved outcome with a “bad” client is better than taking them to court. Not because they want to be nice to you, but because the costs of enforcing compliance are much much higher than the cost of being nice and “flexible” to you. And bad debts appear on the balance sheet (or in the ATO’s case reduce the final tax revenue).
So when dealing with institutions under these circumstances remember, like you, they don’t want to end up in court.
Even though you may not have followed their rules, the slightest hint of repentance will open doors to possibly advantageous “arrangements”. -
As a business person who deals with such institutions regularly I agree with your assertions. It never-the -less is important for Tg people to know that being Tg is not necessarily an impediment to life. Many people fear the ATO in the first place & many Tg people fear the reactions of all people.
The fact that the ATO want their money does not negate the fact that the person I dealt with was polite, sympathetic & did not in any way cause me any discomfort.
Having previously worked for a Commonwealth Government Department, I can assure you that if a client upset the wrong officer, they could expect a very difficult experience, just out of spite…good old fashioned bully tactics.
Irrespective of the motivation, being treated well & with respect is what most people want. I really don’t care why the person in the shop, organisation, Police Force, ATO etc is nice to me, just so long as they treat me with dignity. These are not close personal relationships, motivation is not relevant.
I read of many Tg people who fear that they will not be treated well. I believe it is of the utmost importance that they know that they do not have to fear all people & situations.
I am no less a cynic than you but as I said above this is about Tg people knowing that they can feel comfortable. The ATO’s motivation is as you analysed, to recoup monies, my motivation in writing about it is to dispel fear.
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Aha! So. The secret to be treated well as a trans person is to owe them money and they will be nice to you 😯
I’m off to borrow more money LOL And then default on it
If it was good enough for Bondy and Skase eh?
(just being cheeky Amanda-Adrian)
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Prompted by Portia’s humorous reply (thanks Portia), I have thought more about the level of engagement we may have with others previously unknown to us.
To quote myself, I initially wrote;Quote:the person I dealt with was polite, sympathetic & did not in any way cause me any discomfort.In a subsequent reply I said;
Quote:These are not close personal relationships, motivation is not relevant.Both comments are correct. When read together they show that even when we are not in close personal relationships, it does not prevent us from treating each other well – with respect & dignity.
“No shit Sherlock” may be the response from some reading…but I am aware of many Tg people (& other diverse peoples as well) who automatically assume that the reverse will be the case.In the ATO case stated above, the ATO have a policy of ‘flexibility’ in order to get what they want – their money. In the case of the individual person I dealt with…& I’ll bet my house on this…they were kind & caring toward me in the manner they addressed me & spoke to me because that is the type of human being they are. The personality & manner of the individual is not dictated (or even greatly influenced) by the policies of the organisation.
There were so many other facets to my above mentioned contact with the ATO that I did not mention. One of those is, that the manner of the person I was dealing with moved from polite & professional…to polite, professional along with caring & understanding, once I gave my explanation. This was a shift that was obvious & personal along with being gratefully accepted & acknowledged on my part.
When judging this story for yourself, in regard to the validity of the outcome (in regard to tolerance & acceptance), don’t confuse the outcome with the process.
The outcome was likely going to be as it was – it’s ATO policy. The process however was in very large part due to the manner in which two people treated each other…as valid & equal human beings. I can report that the process I encountered in this case is common to my experiences.
