-
Losing the ability to pass as a man
I have been reading Whipping Girl by Julia Serano. A recommended read – particularly for anyone looking to understand what shapes society’s attitudes to trans women.
Julia describes in the book the pathway she used to transition to live as a trans woman. The process of transition in “boy mode” is a contrast with the journey that I see so many others taking. In her words…
Quote:I transitioned in “boy mode”…this meant I underwent electrolysis and hormone replacement therapy whilst continuing to live my life as a “man”; wearing the same jeans, sneakers, T-shirts, flannel shirts and sweat jackets I always wore, and acting pretty much the same as I always had. The idea is that you simply go about your life until you reach the point where most people begin to assume that you are female despite your (tom)boyish gender presentation. Some trans women refer to this as the point where they lose their ability to “pass” as a man.I wonder if indeed it is safer and more effective to transition by first losing the ability to “pass” as a man as Julia suggests. Maybe this is a viable and preferable alternative to the more common route of changing name, sex, job and friends and then trying to “pass” as a woman.
-
11 Replies
-
MMmm interesting I havnt read the book yet but keen to get it.
it makes sense to me to progressively diminish male attributes (definition required ?) and deal with your emotions before handling such issues as documentation,which dont tell you much about how you really are as a person emotionally.
Caroline
-
To add some weight, this is the exact route I am taking with my transition. Male attributes slowly falling by the way side. Dressing subtley to the point that many people would not know or even care. The main comments i get are “wow you look so much younger”. ( I am 46yrs old) Compare photos from a year ago they they look like two different people. Transitioning in this way I feel gives the mind time to catchup with the body. Another good reason is I have a business and employ quite a few people, in an industry that is probably not ready for the “boss” to come to work in a skirt. Transitioning in this way therefore has a number of benefits.
Smiles Hollee -
I think this is more common than many people think. It’s the route I’ve been on for the last 2 years. I do have one or more outings in girl mode a month to restore my faith in where I am heading but hormones and electrolysis while in boy jeans and shirt are the main deal.
-
I’m interested in the use of the terms “Safer and More Effective” and how its used in quoting the context of the extract?
As I’m a bit of a novice I can only assume Safer refers to – Emotional Stress during the journey or does it relate to interaction with those around us that are not acceptant of our individual decisions. Can someone expand on that for me as I’m quite interested in this discussion.
As a part of that and attempting to ascertain the second quote “More Effective” – What is meant by that? More effective as a transitional plan or more effective as active people within society. It would be extremely interesting to hear peoples examples of that. I may be wrong and off course and if so I apologise in advance. -
Bridgette wrote:I’m interested in the use of the terms “Safer and More Effective” and how its used in quoting the context of the extract?In the chapter I quoted from Julia only says that other transexuals consider it safer and more effective to loose the ability to pass as a man.
More effective I presume refers to achieving one’s personal goals in presenting as a preferred gender. In this context I personally know people who have taken the tablets and changed their paperwork so they can live as a woman. Only to discover that society still generally genders them as man, which causes lots of stress and anxiety. Perhaps this alternative pathway is more effective at getting to the desired end point.We are all to some degree the target of transphobia and other prejudices (and remember Julia is from the U.S. where things by all account are far worse than here). It seems to follow that if you don’t pass very well as a man then you may escape under the radar of those bigots who want to bash “sense” into trans people. I’m guessing that is what is safer about Julia’s pathway.
-
I have not read the book but in my life experiences it has become apparent that the concept of this is indeed a reality. I found over the period of time that I have been taking hormones and having hair removal treatment it has indeed become more and more obvious that I am not really passing as a guy even if I think I look masculine.
As an example I took my wife to a doctors appointment and waited for her in the waiting room nothing to report till I took her for another visit to the same office . This time I waited in the car as I was on the phone, wife returned to tell me the receptionist asked where her sister was.This wasn’t the first time it has been common for the last two years. Obviously a point comes when one really knows that you are the person you thought you always wer.
-
Kristyana wrote:it has indeed become more and more obvious that I am not really passing as a guy even if I think I look masculine.
I posted the quote from Julia because it also seems to ring true in my life. I don’t have any great feelings that I belong “as a woman” but I certainly don’t express myself as a man much at all these days. A year or so ago I seemed to go through a tipping point where the number of “sirs” dropped off and most of the time now I seem to be gendered as female. I’m also aware I don’t “pass” too well in the conservative environment of the local yacht club – friends there do make jokes probing at my femininity. But the good news is I’ll never be volunteered onto the committee!
There is however a “gotcha” to this strategy of loosing the ability to pass as a man. And I am sensitive that it could cause some distress to some who would like to take this course. The common factor between Julia, Kristiana and myself is (I guess) that we are all blessed with plenty of natural hair. Obviously a receding or receded male hair line is going to send a strong visual signal that persistently genders someone as male. I would hate to be seen as divisive in this discussion. So maybe a long male wig is the way to go for those not so hirsute ??
-
Spot on Adrian. The hair loss problem is the most intractable hurdle for my gradual approach to transition The hormones have stopped the bald area expanding and even rolled it back a bit. Wearing a wig shouts out “fraud”, for me at least.
I grew my hair out for 12 months last year but when my selected hairdresser told me she couldn’t give me an acceptable female cut, I gave up and got a buzz cut and an expensive wig. Wrong, wrong, wrong I’ve met or heard stories from others who at a similar age and with similar hair coverage to me have a female cut and can be assumed as a result to be female even when all clothes are male and there is no make-up. Actually I think, for day wear, a lack of beard shadow without using make-up is very affirming.
So my plan is to keep growing my hair and find a better hairdresser (or maybe even a hat). -
It is definitely easier / more convenient for those you are blessed with a full head of hair to transition this way. Whilst right now I do not plan to transition complete it is definitely something I may one day want to do, though currently I would love to develop my appearance to be androgynous. However, one of the biggest hurdles I face it I have been bald on top since high school and only a buzz cut around the sides, making it impossible to have a convincing feminine hair style. Whilst wigs can look great, it makes the idea of a slow transition from male to female seem somewhat unreachable.
A male wig is an idea, though also somewhat challenging as everyone who knows my in my male mode is use to bald me. Still, food for thought!
-
This topic is interesting and has made me think about what I have gone through. The idea of transitioning but remaining in boy mode until you no longer pass as male is a great idea, if you can do it. I started that way, no clear plan,just started using HRTand getting rid of body hair. I kept it all very secret, it took me ages to even see a Doctor, (please don’t buy hormones or blockers over the Internet, very dangerous). My problem is that I am not likely to be able to effectively pass as a woman, so for me when I am referred to as a female by a stranger it is a big thrill.
The point I am getting to is that it is a great idea if you can do it,but not everyone can. Because of my age, I felt that I had to transition relatively quickly once I had made the decision. Also because of my size I will always be seen by some as a man in a dress, sad but so be it. However I would not and cannot go back to the person I was. Today I am comfortable being Jenn, I present as somewhere on the gender spectrum, (very much on the female side) and have had nobody try to give me a hard time in public. The biggest problem is changing records, (how many databases do we appear on?)
To be able to transition in stealth would be great but not always practical.
-
I have to say this Jennifer, What’s inside counts heavily, and in your case, you’re well loaded on that side. I’ve heard our Pauline say, ‘the wrapping paper helps’ and perhaps it does. Keep going as you are my friend.
