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Pronouns, titles and the whole damn gender thing
Recently I’ve found myself confused and a bit flat over having to be male in quite a simple transaction. I bought a replacement wig and paid for it by credit card – plus the retailers have my male name etc. as I’ve shopped before and I’m on their mailing list.
This time a couple of minor things went wrong – first for some reason best known to Australia Post they returned the package to the sender ‘unclaimed’ and then when I got it at my street address – the wig wasn’t exactly like the one it was replacing.
Anyway sorting things required phone calls, emails and a return note from the supplier. I found myself a bit uncomfortable with being addressed as ‘Mr’. I also found myself sitting in front of my computer for minutes trying to decide how I should sign off emails. In the end I left it blank.
To prove my point that the two wigs were different I emailed photos of myself in each. I received a quick response and this time the supplier’s rep seemed awkward as to how to address me and simply went straight into their reply. After I got their reply I started to wonder if the real reason I emailed the photos was to affirm – ‘y’know I’m really female despite my credit card’.
I guess I felt I ought to communicating in female mode and be addressed by female titles and pronouns. Also it came at the end of a week when I spent most of my time in female mode so I was feeling even more un-male than normal.
Has anyone else felt this way over something quite unimportant?
Fiona xx
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3 Replies
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Fiona,
Knowing how easily it is to offend unintentionally, using this sort of medium – I preface my comments by saying that in no way am I making light of your recent experience.
In some ways, I envy your uncomfortable position. I have not managed to reach such a state of ‘en femme’ whereby I have any disassociation with my male half! I think the main difficulty for me is that, my face always looks extremely male. In my opinion you do not have this problem. Judging by your photo on this site, I doubt whether I would choose you as a tg from a group of comparable female photos.
I find it interesting that you may have sent the photos to display your feminity. Having been very reserved for quite a while – trying to make purchases discretely, or making it known that they were a gift etc., I now increasingly find myself displaying a ‘it is for me, and yes I am male, so get over it’ attitude.
I hope you have very few uncomfortable moments in the future.
Regards
An admiring Tania -
Thank you for your kind comments Tania but its all relative I’m no great shakes in the pantheon of tranny achievement. And you are quite right it is a difficult medium.
Yes, I think it is correct that I probably have disassociated ny female personna from my male in some ways. Yet if you had asked me that question a few weeks ago I would have said I am just one integrated TG being.
I also thought how I wished I’d changed my real name to a more androgynous one earlier in my life like Kim, Hilary or Lesley. I also wonder if the time will come when there will be third or fourth gender options on offical forms and census.
Yes, it’s quite a big step when you start buying clothes for yourself rather ‘gifts’ – I always think basic underwear is the most difficult.
Fiona xx
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Fiona, what a problem!
As you know, I can use any numbe of theatrical excuses, but when dealing in writing (few instances) I’m very aware of WHAT email address they’re receiving from, and stick with conformity to that. Saz is not such a male name either :p
Your old girlfriend up here!
Saz
