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Wives, Partners, significant others, whatever!
In a deep and meaningful conversation with my wife. She suggested the idea that , whereas I had places I could go to chat to meet other crossdressers for support on the net, she didn’t have anywhere she could go to. Crossdressers as well as crossdressers wives/partners need support as well. Have any members any information on this subject? Do they know anywhere she could look? We were thinking about setting up a wives/partners site. Do you think there would be much interest or input?
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17 Replies
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Vernon Colman has some interesting thoughts on this matter and his Web site is http://www.vernoncoleman.com/main.htm. My thoughts from experience just recently are a lot of people are not interested and will shut you out of their lives while the rest will try and comprehend why you do it. I have found that most people don’t want to understand and don’t want to find out why we do what we want to do. I adore being Olivia and I have lost some friends that I have had for over 30yrs because of coming out of the closet so my idea of letting your closest friends knowing who you are is BE CAREFUL. If it feels right then do it if it doesn’t feel right then don’t
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I think Helen was actually talking about finding or forming a group where our partners can exchange experiences and information Olivia, she didn’t mention anything about coming out or losing friends etc. It’s not always just about us amazing as that may seem.
Our partners can often occilate from loving acceptance to grudging acceptance to wishing it would all go away and they are frequently the forgotten ones in tranny-land. I think it’s a great idea Helen and I’m sure my partner would be interested . A lot of genuine girls with tranny partners would have shared experiences without knowing it and it would help us in the big picture as well.
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Thanks Emma, for your comments. As always you hit the nail right on the head! That is exactly what I was referring to. Our partners seldom have any one to communicate to, whereas we do. We have support groups all over the place, mainly thanks to the net of course, but our loved ones don’t! I know my wife has gone through a lot of stress over the years coming to terms with the simple (to us) fact that her husband loves to wear feminine clothing, make-up and lingerie with the aim to appear as much a woman as possible. We tend to isolate ourselves with the reasuring thoughts along the lines that it is harmless, we don’t rob banks, bash up old ladies, (usually) but we can be packed in with other anti-social items with derision. This still leaves our partners with their anxieties, “Will he want to go on hormones”? “Will he decide someday to have the operation”?. When we got married, we promised to love, honour etc. One of the promises was to be together forever and support the man they marry.
They need support and people to talk to as well as we do, maybe even more so, I don’t know. My thoughts, idea is to locate a group or if need be help her set one up via Yahoo Groups or the like. I would value any constructive and thought out coments.
Ta,
HelenQuote:I think Helen was actually talking about finding or forming a group where our partners can exchange experiences and information Olivia, she didn’t mention anything about coming out or losing friends etc. It’s not always just about us amazing as that may seem.Our partners can often occilate from loving acceptance to grudging acceptance to wishing it would all go away and they are frequently the forgotten ones in tranny-land. I think it’s a great idea Helen and I’m sure my partner would be interested . A lot of genuine girls with tranny partners would have shared experiences without knowing it and it would help us in the big picture as well.
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I think you have a wonderfull idea don’t get me wrong but as I was saying there are people out there who don’t want to know, they would rather just forget who you are or as you say hope it all goes away and that is why I mentioned the vernon coleman web site he has some outstanding information on his site in the miscellany section. For those who would like to chat to other partners and to try and come to grips with Tranny land etc it is a great idea. There are quite a few web sites on the net and there are a few Chat rooms as well for partners etc so you just have to look.. I have found this site very interesting and it has chat rooms avaiable for all concerned http://www.lauras-playground.com/index.htm Hope you have a nice day from Olivia
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Thanks Olivia for your input, I don’t think you have got the gist of what I’m on about though. It’s simply a search for a support network for the wives, partners, significant others of male to female cross dresers. Nothing more, nothing less. Thank you for the link you have offered, I shall have a look at it when I have time.
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Hi Helen,
I spotted this msn group, “Women Whose Men Wear Skirts” @ http://groups.msn.com/browse.msnw?catid=128. It is strictly for women only and no crossdresser etc. Don’t know much else about it. Your caring wife might like to start there, or maybe it will give her ideas about starting her own group in some form.
Hope this helps.
Rachael
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Hi! Thank you Rachel and Olivia for your input, I will check the sites you suggested. I should point out here, though I’m asking the question, it was my wife that asked about the partners situation, not me!
Another thought has occurred to me, how many have wives,partners etc? And of those, how many are aware that their husbands cross dress?
Helen -
I am aware of 2 groups that are exclusively for wives/partners of CDs. The first is http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SFWaSOCDs/ and the second is part of http://www.rainbowtrail.info/. Hope this helps.
Michelle -
My partner has asked about finding such a site in the past also Helen. I don’t think she’s looking for anywhere she feels she has to login too constantly but rather somewhere she can read others experiences and maybe share her own. It’s a lot to take on.
As for how many partners are aware about their partners frocking-up habits I’d be surprised if it were more than 10%. Looking at profiles here on Tranny Radio, maybe 5% say they have a supportive partner with perhaps a further 5% claiming that they have a partner who is aware but not always completely comfortable with it. I would not think that anyone who has a partner who knows wouldn’t say so.
I think that often we sell our partners a little short when deciding whether or not to reveal our ‘secret identities’. I have lost count of the amount of times over the years that I have counselled others on coming clean with their wives and girlfriends…almost every time they do it has worked out for the best. Is the fear that they believe their partners will think they are less than masculine? Is it the fear of rejection? Is it the fear they will then have to do more around the house? There is no doubt women are more often than not much stronger mentally than us anyway so give them some credit! I think the average wife would be much relieved to find out that ‘the other woman’ is her husband rather than the blonde bimbo barmaid at the pub she has always suspected.
I went through all this too. My partner comes from a strict religion based background where the biggest scandal had been finding out the Pastor’s son had the occassional ciggy behind the sunday school room. Confrontation was a word usually only associated with working out what color nail polish would match the new tigerlily bikini. Fortunately, when I told her all about Emma, I had a very good cd friend (Joan) in Canberra’s partner on-tap for her to speak to. Once she’d learnt that I was not in fact some kind of twisted deviate acceptance soon followed. This is where having a site for partners to explore is an excellent idea. -
I’ll run an official survey on this one as the question keeps on cropping up..
Go here
http://forum.tgr.net.au/cms/forum/FXXXXXXXX/734-34to vote
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Hi Emma, we do seem to have a lot of thinking and experience in common. I had always made the point of telling any woman I became involved in that I was a cross dresser, it usually took a lot of nerve, and a stiff drink or two, to get to the stage to ‘reveal all’, but in the main it was a rewarding experience as mostly they acepted me. There were some who didn’t want to know and we parted on reasonably amicable terms, amicable so long as I didn’t see them again, ever! **LOL** I figured it was better finding out their attitude before rather then after we became too involved. I made some great friends this way who seemed to enjoy my company no matter how I was dressed, indeed we went out to dinner on quite a few occasions or shopping or whatever. One highlight was to the opera in Melbourne.
I don’t say that this would be the case for everyone, it’s just to illustrate that in my opinion honesty before the event is always the best policy. I do not envy anyone who has to live a lie and hide their needs from their loved ones. Although I have had my stressful times, (like when my mother found my ‘stash’), I have been lucky in this regard. -
Honesty is always the best policy Helen.
The best way to conquer fear is to go through it, not around it. And, of course, it is an excellent excuse to have couple of bracing refreshments beforehand as Helen says – what could be better? lol
Is it better to live one day as a lion or a hundred years as a lamb? Women are far more open minded and accepting than we are even with our supposed heightened feminine side. Two examples of real instances I know of (naturally names have been changed to protect the guilty):
1. The Crossdresser Revealed
The Cast: Gerald Smallfawcett, an accountant and secret crossdresser.
Diedre Smallfawcett, homemaker & Pastor’s daughter.
Gerald:” I have something to tell you darling”
Dierdre:”Oh my god you’re having an affair! It’s that Muriel Volstrangler
from the church fete committee isn’t it!!”
Gerald: “No sugar bumps…it’s…errr….ummm…..it’s just that……….
this is very difficult to say…..errr…”
Dierdre:”Honeybunny, whatever it is we can work it out together”
Gerald: “You’re right! The truth is…the truth is..I LOVE TO WEAR
WOMEN’S CLOTHES! There. I’ve said it”A moments pause.
Dierdre: “Muriel Volstrangler’s clothes?”
Gerald: ” No dear, I have my own. I’ll show you”.
(Gerald departs to quickly return en-femme in a stunning off-the-shoulder Collette Dinnigan number)A moments pause.
Dierdre: “You bastard…you have better legs than I do”
THE END
2. Et tu, Brutus?
The Cast: Gerald Smallfawcett, an accountant and crossdresser.
Diedre Smallfawcett, homemaker & Pastor’s daughter.
Dierdre: ” Darling? I have something to tell you”
Gerald: ” Can it wait til I get my makeup straight honeybunch?”
Dierdre: “No it can’t wait Gerald. The fact of the matter is that I’ve
thought about this and I want to learn to be a Dominatrix!”
Gerald: “That’s sick. I want no part of it.”THE END
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Emma, very good, sounds very familiar though **LOL**
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Although I of course used some artistic license for entertainment purposes there was a large lick of truth in that story. The point was that we must have a completely open mind when listening to our partners wishes as we expect them to have with us
I might be popping over to Melbourne for work soon Helen so perhaps we can catch up whilst I’m there and compare notes.
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This may have been suggested already but I was thinking that a “Partners only” posting area, readable but barred to postings from non- partners of transfolk, may be a useful addition and may encourage partners to express their views on TR. There may not be many who want to be here but could help those who do.
