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why we are the way we are?
Hi girls
I was recently looking at what Wikepedia had to say about crossdressing and was led to a link which analysed Jung’s anima theory in relation to cding.
I felt this theory really explained why we experience this phenomenon in our lives. At least I identified with it very closely. I am amazed that this is the first time I have ever seen mention of this theory
From reading the stories of so many other girls who belong to our community I think it is a a very credible description of the influences in our lives that shape our behaviour and lead us into exploring our feminine side. Anyone struggling to come to terms with urges that make us want to dress and behave in a feminine way will feel much less confused more relaxed about their struggle between male and female personality traitsThe link is http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/cathytg/anima.htm
I’d love to hear if other girls feel that this theory fits in with the way they have experienced their path to their femininity
Tracey
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16 Replies
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Well Tracey I’m afraid Jung’s theory does not apply to me in any way at all and I know I’m not the only one in this category.
No midlife revelation for me re dressing, I started about 7 or 8 yrs of age. and am now 60.
I did not show any outwardly effeminate traits that would be refrained upon, I just knew that being caught wearing my Aunties (or anyones) silky panties would get me into trouble.
I have never been confused about my desires and have continued crossdressing all these years with absolute delight.
Of course I have been caught and paid the price , re divorce and all that, but that has not stopped my crossdressing, the fact is that I knew all along that being found out would have consequences, no confusion there.
just go to the crossdressing groups on Yahoo ,enjoy and be thankful that
you are a special person who can experience the delights of silky panties ,petticoats, perfume, lipstick, makeup, suspenders/stockings ,high heels
and the gorgeous company of other girlies like no one else can -
I must agree with Juliette, I started to love the girly feeling at about 7 years of age , and the desires have grown stronger over the last 60 years.
All the different labels mean little to me , I just wish I had been born 50 years later , as I’m sure I would have transitioned by now .
At the age I now am , I see no point in putting myself and my wife of 32 years through all the pain & problems involved . I am fortunate to be able to be my real femme self as often as the whim takes me , which is almost daily.
I would love to hear what Helen & Fiona Alexis have to say on this subject.
Happy Christmas to all you lovelies in Tranny Radio. Toni. -
Hello Tracey,
Thanks for sharing the Jung/alchemy idea…it seems to fit my situation quite well.
I’ve been CDing from childhood, but it has been through all the ages and stages possible…sometmes it’s been a purely sexual thing, only to turn me on for a brief moment, and recently it’s been a part of my attempts to figure out who the heck I am and what the heck I’m here for.
Nice thing is, I’m now working as a carer and support person for a residential programme for cancer patients, and I am very happy that my growing balance between homme and femme makes it so much easier to have the empathy my job needs.It’s a journey, isn’t it?
Bless your heart,
Clare -
Hi Tracey
Very interesting that you should raise Jung’s theories as applied to cross-dressing.
I started cross-dressing just over a year ago at age 61 so I could be called a late developer and not typical of your average cross-dresser. Yes, I know, so what’s typical?
I was panic-stricken at the time and looked at the Internet for support. I found the Jung’s Anima Theory article and was stunned at how relevant it was to my circumstances.
Growing up in a very strict moralistic Dutch family in a red-neck NSW country town, it was made very clear to me that I was to be a man, have a family and a successful career. Any feminine or creative qualities were mocked and beaten out of me by my stepfather. His favourite term of abuse was “you effing little sheila”. How ironic!
So I did what was necessary growing up in a colourless world of blues and greys. I had a successful career in IT, travelled the world, married a number of times and fathered three children. But was never really happy and suffered episodes of depression.
A work related physical and mental breakdown in my late fifties led me to counselling and the realisation that I could and had to change if I were to survive. I had always loved women, the way they dressed, the way they moved the way they behaved and it slowly dawned on me that it would be alright.
So I started dressing. Horrified at first but then finding it a wonderful experience. I found support and help through TgR and also joined the Seahorse Society. It has been a great learning experience and there have been wonderful girls (both CD and GG) to help on the way. And really, I haven’t had so much fun in years! Dressing, dancing, dining, partying – yes, making up for lost time!
So Carl Jung certainly hit my spot. But I know from listening to other girls who started dressing at an early age (rather than in middle age) that his theory would not necessarily apply to them.
Jung’s related theory says something like “a man spends the first phase of his life doing what he has to do while he spends the second phase doing what he wants to do within himself”.
I am well and truly in the second phase! And enjoying it immensely!
XXXXX Jan
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Whilst many of us have shared physical experiences with our crossdressing like every other aspect of life we have wildly differing emotional experiences associated with our chosen lifestyle. From my point of view – and please note that it is my view only and not an attack or condemnation or slight on anyone elses viewpoint – I have never been tormented by feeling at odds with the rest of society over what I choose to do. I have never been depressed about it, have never sought counselling of any kind, have never questioned my position in my familiy, have never sought ‘acceptance’ from anyone (that aint gonna happen anyway), have never questioned my sexuality (I would be the same regardless), and I have never worried that I dont look like a playboy bunny because at the end of the day I’m still a 45 guy once the warpaint comes off.
Crossdressing is just what I do. I always tell people who are emerging onto the scene that its a little like being Batman, or more appropriately Batgirl. Another life that you pull out when you want to.
There’s a scene in Monty Pythons ‘Meaning Of Life’ where a waiter (John Cleese) is trying to explain philosophy to an american tourist (Michael Palin):Waiter: Have you ever wondered just why you are here?
Tourist: Nope.That sums my attitude up. As a lot of the veteran gurls around will tell you, crossdressing can be just as destructive to a fragile personality as alcoholism can be…it can also be the great release from the pressures and mistakes we all make in our so-called ‘normal’ lives. I’ve seen gurls embrace the lifestyle to fanatical lengths only to be more miserable than when they started out. It has also been the saviour of others.
So you like to wear womens clothes? Embrace it honey…if you must do it leave all the soul searching for when you’re not dolled up in dina frieze and prada.
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I think the really relevant thing is not so much why we are the way we are , the most important thing is to feel good about Xdressing .I have a similar background to may Cd/Tv s – ie starting at a very early age around 6. Now I look back from a much greater age and think it would have been just so much better withouit th guilt I felt and the anxiety I had about being found out .
So lets help each other to feel as good as humanly possible about ourselves .This forum is, to me part of that process
Thanks Girls
SUZZ -
It gratifies me to see that there are some who have embraced their cross dressing with little or no qualms or guilt. Being one who has gone through all the above and a few more besides. Maybe it means that society is becomiong a little more relaxed in its attitude and younger c.d.’s will reap some benefits, I hope so. Sadly I still come across those in the general public who have a degree of scorn and anything else they might want to throw at us.
I don’t know a Jung from a Freud egg but I do know that I went through a lot of the guilt and fear and reacted in the time honoured way by deciding that it wasn’t worth it and I didn’t need the stress besides I can give it up anytime can’t I! Hence the (in)famous PURGE!!! Like a cigarette smoker, ‘Giving up is easy, I’ve done it heaps of times’.
I still can’t figure why we should have the guilt loaded on us, I know all the usual arguments, what harm do we do? We’re a benefit to our wives/partners/girlfriends, what other women have husbands that are able to give them advice on their clothes, make-up, hair. They should be grateful to have us, I reckon we should have a register of c.d. who are looking for a mate, I reckon once they see our c.v. ‘s we would be getting swamped with calls and requests.
Those of you who feel no guilt or remorse and have never done so, I certainly envy you. -
Let me run some stuff past you and see if it sounds familiar:
“I’m not good looking enough”
“I’m not cool enough like those people”
“I wish my eyes were blue”
“I wish my stomach was flatter”
“I wish my hair was darker”
The confessions of a cd? No, I thought all those things as a teenage boy measuring myself against the stars of the sporting club I was a part of. I was stuck in the junior ranks but my brother was playing in the senior team where accolades were plenty and young pretty things hung about the changeroom door after each game. We had no accolades and our mums were waiting for us after the game. Everyone, particularly in their early years, feels they don’t measure up to what they perceive as the ‘ideal’. When I (admittedly briefly) worked my way into the senior team I didn’t feel as though I suddenly looked better or my eyes got bluer or my hair got darker or I was in any way cool-er…and mum was still waiting for me after the game. The big thing I had come to realise in the intervening years was there are so many things you have absolutely no control over in life so why beat yourself up over them? Control the controllables is my mantra….some things in life ‘just are’ – like being a crossdresser for instance. I love girlying up so why should it be a mental burden for me? I’m not going to let other peoples perceptions of a guy who likes to wear womens clothes live rent free in my brain and spoil my enjoyment NO WAY.There are absolutely bucketloads of positive aspects about being a crossdresser but predominantly I read about the woes. The woes though, when you drill into the text, rarely have anything to do with not being able to find the right shoes/skirts/wig/makeup but predominantly centre around individuals sense of isolation, fear of discovery, low self esteem, or endless tales about how life has ‘done em wrong’. If you are a 52 year old man and your private interests centre around collecting lego or model trains you would have the same fears – at least with girlyup you can be glamorous.
We are what we are….for good and bad. Focus on the good and delete the bad to the recycle bin but most of what you get out of crossdressing is entirely up to you.
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I totally agree with Emma. I have no guilt feelings or any of the phsycological problems I see mentioned from time to time. In fact,being now retired, I/we treat it as another of my many hobbies I have that keep me very much occupied. The only qualm is that I have no intention of being sprung, especially by some friend or associate. I just enjoy the experience and joy I get. New Year Cheers to All. Roberta.
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Sorry for sticking my nose in here, as I’m want to do, but isn’t this a sort of contradiction in itself?
Why have you no intention of being sprung if there is no guilt? I’m not having a go, please don’t misunderstand me, but I was just wondering.Quote:I totally agree with Emma. I have no guilt feelings or any of the phsycological problems I see mentioned from time to time. The only qualm is that I have no intention of being sprung, especially by some friend or associate. Roberta. -
I don’t think I have ever felt guilty or agonised over the why’s , I simply adore being feminine and detest being a male .
Happy new year girls, Toni -
Helen, I’m not sure I can give a sensible answer to your statement at the moment. I will have to think about it for a while. It may just be that most of the people I know give me the impression that the wouldn’t understand.If I was sprung by a total stranger, then so be it.
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I think the probability is that we are hard wired transgendered. I ran a couple of polls on other forums querying the age people first knew they were gender confused or gender different in one way or another. I’ve forgotten the exact percentages but the majority by a long, long margin were aware well before puberty.
For myself I became aware I was different when I was 6 and I can visualise the incident – a rainy morning in Summer having breakfast with my parents. But I didn’t actually dress up fully as a female until I was 9 or 10.
I think what is interesting is how our own version of femaleness or feminity develops and manifests itself – whether through a particular style of dress, changing our body shape, a particular fetish, playing the submissive role in relationships or whatever. It’s very complex.
Fiona xx
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Quote:It’s very complex.Fiona xx
I vote for this as being the understatement of the year, truer words have never been uttered Fiona. My guess is that it is probably a complexity of things that manifests themselves as the experience/life style we call cross dressing. There are many different interests, little girl look, maid look, subs, dommes, plastic, leather, satin and somehow we all end up trying to look as feminine as possible. We’ll probably never ever discover the reason we are the way we are, all we can do is try and enjoy it.
Helen -
To add a slightly more serious note . . . .
I think the only hard wiring we have is the same as that of every other creature on this planet ie; eat so you don’t die and fornicate so that the species doesn’t die out . Everything else is just a deviation from or variation on the primal urges driving those two basic survival functions . As our thinking processes have evolved and become ever more complex so the deviation from or variations on the drives behind the main themes of survive and procreate become ever more complex . The only thing that makes us different from any other animal is that we “think” we’re different from any other animal and the infinite complexity of that thinking process is both our glory and our damnation .
Much of hard nosed science is at best only generally accepted theory and when it comes to psychology it’s all only theory and there is no definitive , “one size fits all” theory anyway . So my advice is , don’t waste your time agonising or soul- searching for some new-age cliche or pyschological theory to justify your own personal need to”dress” .
Just remember , variety is the spice of life , so deviate and enjoy !Ronda
