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Is there realy strength in numbers or are we individuals?
This post is prompted in some ways by the What %age of men actually do crossdress thread because I think the underlying premise is that there is strength [and, maybe, validation] in numbers. And perhaps one day this great hidden army of trannies will surface and make it OK for us to dress as we please, when we please etc. and without fear of ridicule.
I have never really found this tranny utopia very appealing and the day that the bloke next door comes home from work and slips into a plaid mini skirt and pink angora sweater for a quick round of golf with his mates is the day I stop dressing. But I recognize I’m pretty much on my own on that one.
Nevertheless, I think the community way forward is more about ordinary trannies who live hardworking, everyday suburban, city or country lives being quite open about the fact they are transgendered or transvestite or crossdresser or whatever label youve assigned to yourself. Its only then that we will gain some level of acceptance and understanding both personally and as a community.
The reality is, of course, there are all kinds of impediments to walking the walk.
I think a lot of trannies still have the secret life which is quite removed and totally disassociated from their everyday male lives. The mere social or family mention of drag queens on BB or sex change vicars in the news or Eddie Izzards latest tour causes a defensive reaction akin to rolling up in a ball like a hedgehog or spraying vile smelling words like a skunk in case someone might suss you mince round in stockings and high heels on your RDOs.
I was reading an interview with Ted Haggard, the fallen US evangelist who had regular sex with a male prostitute, who described his disassociated dark side and his struggles against this evil within himself. Im not a fan of US evangelists and its easy to write off Ted Haggard as another hypocritical religious right winger more interested in the collected money than doing the good work – however, I think a lot of trannies would connect to that ‘dark side’ thinking if not the religious overtones.
The situation is further complicated by the fact that there is sometimes [often?] a sexual motive to cross dressing – that doesn’t just bear thinking about let alone discussing – so it’s best you leave that secret life deep in the recesses of the old filing cabinet at the back of the tool shed. Fessing up may expose all kinds of awkward questions.
And then even when you get to the point where you do accept yourself and you are quite happy, even enthusiastic, about ‘coming out’. You’ve told your nearest and dearest – and guess what? Yes – that’s right – they slam on your brakes with a long list of who ought not to know. Discretion is the better part of valour or something. I read somewhere that a Scottish newspaper ran a survey asking women what would cause them to leave their partners and transvestism was one of the top 2 or 3 reasons given.
Of course you can still get out dressed and be visible as a tranny, can’t you? Well now comes another internal conflict, especially if you are transgendered, because the Holy Grail is passing as a woman. It’s the raison d’etre. Mind you – you’re probably still not passing and you have to be realistic about that fact? However getting to the point where you are going to fess up and hand over your Visa card in your male name, to the saleswoman in Jacquie E to pay for the top you’ve just tried on, is still a mental leap. A huge mental leap even if you know – she knows. You ‘hide’ behind a femme name on the ‘net and you’re going to hand your ID to this woman?
My point is that it doesn’t matter whether the %age is 3%, 10% or .01% until we, as individuals, can openly accept what we are and change the perception of those in our own world.
Fiona xx
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2 Replies
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Hi Fiona,I think that a lot of what you say is true,but each of us has to deal with our own situations in whatever way that we feel the most comfortable with, and if for some of us it means having a secret stash of clothes down in the garden shed that only you know about,or if you have a partner who willingy accepts your feminine side and helps you with spending time in femme mode,or if the only choice you have is to fully transition,then each of those choices comes with their risks that have to be faced. for the secret cd’er it’s the fear of being found out and the ridicule that can follow,for the one who is a part time cd’er that tells their partner about the desire to embrace their femme side it’s the risk of rejection and end of the relationship/marriage,and for those that plan to fully transition there is the risk of job losses,relationship breakdowns,family rejection,etc.As for those surveys that you mention,without being rude to you,is it all that important to know what % of men do cross dress and is it really all that important to our being accepted in the community in general?I for one think that the key issue to our being accepted by society is to show them that while we might not be dong something that they would do,we may not agree with some of the things that they do and as we all live on the same planet and we all need to learn to get along with one another regardlees of our differences of opinions.We don’t really need to justify why we are the way we are,just as a fisherman,shooter,hot rod builder or whatever needs to justify themselves in everyone elses eyes.if we can do what we do with the least amount of impact on those around us,depending on how far we chose to progress then we should be happy with that and not analyse it all or we will lose the joy and peace that we find in being who we are.Cate. 😯
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Quote:I have never really found this tranny utopia very appealing and the day that the bloke next door comes home from work and slips into a plaid mini skirt and pink angora sweater for a quick round of golf with his mates is the day I stop dressing. But I recognize I’m pretty much on my own on that one.
Not so, Fiona. I and many others I would think would feel the same way. Maybe we wouldn’t be in the majority but I think there would be more than a few happy to join that club.
Back to the subject: At the end of the day I agree it doesn’t really matter how many dress or what society thinks of us. There are zillions of other people with various interests and passions who also feel the cold stare of supposed public scrutiny for whatever it is they get up to (I could probably feel that cold stare for lots of things not just dressing lol). I caught myself snickering at some local ‘trekkies’ in the paper only recently – now isn’t that the height of hypocrisy? As long as we don’t sink to the lowest rung on the totem poll just enjoy your activities and don’t hurt anyone.
Taking the hypothetical a step further though…..what if that Utopia really did come to be? What would those who choose to currently stay hidden do? I suspect they would stay hidden. I suspect that the number of genuine cds/tvs running about in the real world really would not increase that markedly. There is a whole culture borne out on the internet that allows people to live secret lives as whatever they like to be without ever having to risk a real life encounter..a 53 yo accountant with a beer gut and thinning hair from Glasgow can spend his evenings now (with the benefit of cloning avatars) as a 24 yo large breasted webcam striptease artiste from New York.
I just cannot see someone who is currently so fearful of discovery suddenly throwing all caution to the wind and revealing their hidden secret. Homosexuality has been legal for decades yet still many many stay hidden. You are allowed to join the Communist Party but who would advertise that? I used to like building model aircraft but I dont work that into a conversation very often at the footy club.
It IS legal for any of us to wear whatever we want out as long as we dont affront public decency . I saw some cementhead at the beach the other day who had a t-shirt with a picture of a rooster emblazoned across his massive stomach with the sentimental sobriquet “I’M ALL COCK” in contrasting 4″ high lettering. Now I found THAT offensive but I bet he wears that everywhere with impunity.
