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Domestic violence
Hello all you lovely girls,
I went up to sunny QLD last week to see my old (91) dad before he kicks the bucket, spent three days with him, and came home with a much clearer understanding of the effect he has had on my family over the years.
I realised how much I’ve been crippled by his anger, arrogance, petulance, impatience and shame. My Mum suicided to get away from him, and three other wives have died while married to him. My brother left home at 19, and has not had any contact with my dad or me since then (43 years)
And I got to thinking what I can do to start to maybe have some kind of helpful influence on the shocking epidemic of domestic violence that seems to be happening all over.
Do any of you girls have any suggestions about this?
I’ve tried some of the DV websites, but there doesn’t seem to be any avenue for volunteers to help.
I feel as if I can understand to problem from a female point of view, as I know most of us can, and I’d really like to get involved.
Imagine if we could stand up for our sisters and make a difference?
Love and hugs,
Clare -
8 Replies
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I wholehartedly support you Clare. But I have no direct answers.
On the 21st again I went to my mediator to continue my talking about my transisitioning in female mode diretly after the voice lesson. He commented how happy, content and peaceful I am. I told him this was due to the BB estrogen I am taking. It is far advanced that it is hopelessly impossible to have a erection, indicating that my estrogen is maxed. Perhaps spiking his drink with estrogen will calm him down LOL.
My SO is a whinging nagger and I have to hang up the phone to get peace. She rings 5 to 6 times a day about anything and it drives me around the bend for the last 15 years and there have been many domestic viloent times. She initated it goes away and then comes back to whinge more. i have taken it out on her but that wasn’t right so I smashed things. Like a fax, computer printer, scanner across the room and damaging the wall. I would go to the work shed and she follows. On estrogen I have calmed down 99% but she still initiates trouble. Instead of reacting viloently, I calmly put down the phone again, again and again. She just can’t see it.
Clare, I know you mean well and support your endeavour. My SO and I have been to mediators for 12 years. She hasn’t changed. I initiated change to pave the way, she didn’t follow. With our latest mediator [mentioned above] on the 21st , I asked him what can we do about my SO. He just shook his head. So where would you go with that? Maybe a little like your Dad.
18 months or so ago I was thinking for taking my own life for peace. Transisitioning has probably saved my life.
People have to see where thay are going wrong and even more importantly willing and able to correct it. That is a hard job.
Jane -
Hi Jane and Vampirella, for your support and interest…
I wonder how many of us have been affected by our parents’ attitudes.
I believe that I was influenced by the stress my Mum was under while carrying me. She was evacuated from London during the blitz in WW2, sent into the country while her husband was overseas, not knowing when the war was going to end, who was going to be the winner, or if my dad would be coming home.
But another strong influence was my dad’s irritability and unpredictability. My brother was very intelligent, and my dad teased him mercilessly. I sided with my dad to protect myself from the bullying and teasing, and I think I unconsciously became more girly to try to win my dad’s love and approval. And it worked!
I’m still (at 61) terrified of adult men, and I relate to them in a kind of sexual way. I’m constantly anxious when being a male, and calm, relaxed and much happier when I’m dressed en femme.
But it’s hard when you’re 6ft 2in and built like a brick shithouse!
Keep talking!
Love Clare xxx
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Hi again,
Clare, you are built like a brick shithouse. You should have seen me 2 years ago. I am gradually dressing more femme and my natural hair is growing longer and getting more looks and also getting used to it setting the stage for the future. But anyway.You don’t have to be brilliant to see a patern emerging. We are all bullied, hiding, hurt by others in our lives and as a result we nuturing our inner feelings, hidden or accellerated by these events in our lives. The want for peace, tranquillity and exist in harmony . As previous, the verbal abuse I recieve. There are many ways of dealing with these hurts, but this is our way perhaps
To clarify more, my SO is a very nice person, BUT !!!!I have bared the fact I have hit someone in the past. I am not proud and it is against my biblical principle as well. The verbal abuse on these occasions was so intense I just lost contol. I took some control, by throwing things and then the subdued transgenderism emerged powerful. What a peacefull relief. I am happy on the current path.
I/we invite more to air their their dirty linen in the domestic scene to come to more understanding of who we are and why we are here.
Jane -
My father had an appalling temper. And it was entirely dependent on his mental unwellness so you couldn’t avoid it.
ive been ruined for life by this. I have no way of resolving disputes wih people, because I have a deep seated knowing that people are immovable objects in their unreasoning.
This is not true of course, but for me, it’s true.
I have no way of getting love or a life because I fear people so much as I see them as immpossible. I hate them.
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It breaks my heart to read the previous post. Please please know that not everyone is hurtful or intolerant. I have met many people while in female mode and most are total strangers and they have mostly treated me well. The trick is treat people like you would like to be treated yourself and walk away from the ones that don’t. But don’t give up on you’re self there are places and professional people that understand there’s no shame in asking for help be kind to yourself.
Hugs. Julie -
I’m always polite and nice, but I’m a shit magnet.
believe it or not, the “shit magnet” is real phenomenon.
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Ditsy you have made a start to a better life by joining tgr and sharing you’re story there are many people here who would be you’re friend as most of us are not judgemental and a problem shared is a problem halved stick with us
Hugs. Julie -
Julie wrote:Ditsy you have made a start to a better life by joining tgr and sharing you’re story there are many people here who would be you’re friend as most of us are not judgemental and a problem shared is a problem halved stick with us
Hugs. JulieI live full time as woman and I get abused every day. I need friends to do stuff with because people are too gutless to abuse two or more people.
