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A story from Sarah
Hello all
I have heard so many inspiring stories from so many of you and I have be heartened by the fact that so many people have been accepted and loved by those who they love when they fessed about about this crazy gender mix up
So this is my story….
I have a little sister who I love deeply. She is 8 years younger than me and I remember when she was born so well. She was not just mum and dads baby she was mine to and i loved rocking her to sleep as much as i have loved watching her life unfold to the point of being the beauttiful vibrant intelligent and unbelievably funny woman she is today. Whatever the opposite of bigot is – that word would describe my Claire
She is one of the people i this world who I love more than life, my baby sister, my shoulder, my clown and my cardonnay partner. Losing her is unthinkable. So lying to her was easy – and yet not
Last night we went for asian in mt lawley and ended up, as always, at home at the queens sitting around a bottle of wine laughing.
And then I could lie to her no more – she who is always so honest about herself to me. So i just sort of blurted it out
She didnt kill me (thus i can write this) or storm out or ask if i had lost my mind. She held my hand and she cried and I cried and she expressed such sympathy for me having to live in the land of secrets. And I never loved her more.
So we got totally smashed until 2 am at her house (those who know me know this is a time that does not exist on my clock) and we laughed and we cried and i told her about the likely future and she offered endless and unjudging support and love. I really did not expect anything else but I have heard so many stories – you just never know. She sent me a text after i left her house that said -I’ll love you until the end of time
So i write this a new woman, stronger brighter, better, more resolute
The ugly princess climbed from the tower in which she was imprisoned by her own hand – and suddenly and beautifully she was free
x
s -
1 Reply
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Thanks so much for your kind replies girls – they mean a lot
More news of my coming out…in case you are so bored you would ready anything
I did tell my baby sister knowing that the unliklihood of the information staying away from my older sister was high. Claire like me is a blabbermouth who cracks under pressure
My older sister, who is an incredible pragmatist and maybe, unlike me, one of the earths very good people, has an interrogation method of question asking that makes the whole guantanamo bay stuff look like kindergarten. So after much wine she pried what now troubled my little sister out of her like shucking an oyster. And then one morning at 1.00am my phone rang. “is it true” she said as her first words
So for the next 90 minutes she found out how true I am. It went ok. I guess???? not telling people on your terms is not easy because you have no plan. She did laugh. And she told me I could not borrow her bras which was a lovely comic releif in a tough conversation since I am a AAAA and she is not. I rang her the next day to clarify more. It was ok, she was struggling to process. But better than many, planning and trying to process.
Then she didnt speak to me all week, although I tried. I got a lovely letter, it said such nice things about who I was. It also said some terrible things about me being unstable and forced into this decision my a bad psych and pushy friends. It made me very sad and teary. I tried to talk to her but she was unavailable and that made me worse. The letter said she was very desolate and sad – over the years it was always my job to step in there , but I was shut out
I love my sisters, so much I cant tell you. Someone once told me transsexuals can expect to lose half their “people”. I thought I had lost 50% of my sisters and I was very, very sad.
Luckily on friday I had a heart attack. Just a small one I’m told, a quick ambulance ride, 27 pints of blood given for tests and 42 km of cables attached to me in a bad nightie at RPH and I was suddenly in the heart ICU at RPH where everyone was 80 and dying and the staff were beautiful and caring.
Im lucky. 36 hours and I walked out of the hospital and not carried out. Apparently as I am very fit, my body had this, and then put the idea away very quickly and went completely back to normal. Im lucky i seem to have something which is a blood problem which normally is seen in women and children. Horray for me. Im alive and I feel nature has been very kind.Horray for me i am stuck home in bed watching tv bored but fit and not troubled by this thing that could have killed me. I feel invinsible and ridiculously lucky
More lucky because one of the first people by my side was my big sister and we laughed and we talked and she didnt go home until they threw her out. More lucky because the same sister rang me to go to my house and get my some pyjamas and a toothbrush the next morning because she knows the male part of my wardrobe is quite limited and anyone who opens that wardrobe will think I live with the most untidy woman alive. Probably more information than my mother needs.
Most lucky because in her letter she described a sense of gref that she had lost her close friend of 42 years and would only know someone else. And she found I am no different, just a little, but as a person, the same. Its funny how a heart attack gives such great opportunity. Maybe thats why it happened
Anyway I have given my sisters a free reign to get support from everyone they want to. And they have which freaks me out a bit. I have made the exclusions that I need to tell. I feel better people I love now know.
A huge step in the journey and a necessary one as many of you know
Horray to have two sisters who love me and a quite resilient heart.
I think if I were a christian I would thank my blessings. But Im not, so thank you nature for the gifts of this week. Truth works in mysterious ways
x
s
