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Being neither mother nor father
This morning I took my 14-year-old daughter shopping for jeans, undies etc in a busy shopping centre.
Out of respect for her, I dressed in drab (jeans and a boy shirt) and we had a good time with my VISA card… but I was so uncomfortable! I didn’t know what to do with my hands without a handbag, I felt like a spare guest at a wedding standing around in the jeans shop.
I watched the fathers being fathers with their kids, and I watched the mothers being motherly to their little ones. And I realised that I can’t be either.
I don’t know (and never have) how to be a “normal” Dad, hating shopping and looking bored, and I don’t have that beautiful closeness that real women have so effortlessly with their children.
I just love being out and proud, but I haven’t (yet) found the happy medium of being a transgendered parent.
I don’t present as Clare when I’m with my kids, because I see it through their eyes and they think it’s creepy to be with a very tall, broad-shouldered woman with big hands.
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2 Replies
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I shop with my daughter and although I don’t go as totally girly me there’s no way I’m going to be found being a third leg. I get involved with the whole thing , , helps that I am a committed shopper and really love the hunt for gorgeous stuff. I’d say don’t be shy get in there share the joy of the experience and you will find you are the parent you are. Life ain’t about being like everone else we all should know that!
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Hi Clare,
I never had the joy of shopping with my daughter at any age for anything with her. She always did that with her mother. I envy both you and Kristyana as you have the opportunity to go shopping with yours. Make the most of it as they grow up so fast.I really feel sad for the men (and fathers) that hang back and look so uncomfortable when they are with their wife or daughters in the ladies department waiting for them while they try on different items. I think they are missing out on one of the small pleasures of life. I have often wandered the ladies shops with my partner’s bag over my shoulder while I fetched items of ladies apparel for her to try. It gives me the perfect excuse to wander at will looking for suitable items for myself. I have had the odd look but who cares… they will get over it.
Don’t worry about being normal with your daughter just be yourself. I would feel sure she wants to be with you for more than just your visa card. Just enjoy the moment and her company
Cheers
Pamela
