Busted – and glad about it.

[Anonymous]

hi andrea

glad it turned out well and that they were so accepting

wish you luck for your next ‘outing’, it gets easier and better every time!

cheers
.maya

[Anonymous]

I’m glad things went so well. I can imagine your embarrassment but you seemed to have bounced back quickly. Well done to you.

[Anonymous]

It’s funny how you “sort of” gain a little something each time someone else knows who you really are, do you agree?
Each time I let some one know, I feel like I gain something.
Maybe just me ??

[Anonymous]

Thanks for all the support
Had a further chat last night and her husband is also supportive.
“Life’s too short” seems to be the catch cry.
Glad that I have such understanding friends.
Better start planning the next outing to be a little but more controllable.
Yes, it is a liberating feeling.
Hugs to all

Andrea

[Anonymous]

A common theme. Many of us get acceptance from our famly and friends when coming out to them. Not all though. The circles I move in there are rarely any “real” negative reactions.

All depends on whether or not you come across as a person wanting to present as the opposite gender or a fetishist. Fetishists have a greater degree of difficulty in being accepted, but it still happens.

Not everyone can accept what we do. But, it is surprising how many actually do. It is more about accepting and believing in yourself. Being confident in who you are. Overcoming our own fears. And being able to take the criticism when we do have to face it.

We are our own biggest critics.

[Adrian]

Quote:

The circles I move in there are rarely any “real” negative reactions.

The TgR survey report – to be presented at TransFormal next month paints a very different story. It hints at a depressingly high incident of “coming out” to partners resulting in a break-up of relationships. That is a pretty “real” negative and one that I suggest should cause people to think through the consequences in their own personal situation.

Quote:

All depends on whether or not you come across as a person wanting to present as the opposite gender or a fetishist.

That is a pretty restrictive classification of our community – it reads a bit like “you are either serious about being a woman or you are a w&&nker”.

Well sadly that type of simplistic binary classification excludes maybe 80% of the TgR membership who fall in between.

I agree that those who decide that they wish to transition have no hesitation in coming out and whilst friends and family may fall by the wayside in the process – the outcome compared to the alternative of remaining male, can be considered positive. Maybe those are the small circles you move in?

Not sure at all about your fetishists..and how you monitor their coming out. they aren’t the sort of people who would come out except perhaps to their sexual partner.

So spare a thought for that silent majority – those who like me would be offended if given the label fetishist, and who certainly are not driven by a need to present all the time as a woman – what does coming out mean in that context. And why do so few come-out?
That is a big question – that perhaps I’ll take into a new thread.

But for now can we have less binary classifications of the community – and more understanding how rich the spectrum of gender diversity is…. please!

[Anonymous]

Having been through the break up of one relationship where “‘er indoors” knew about Caty but hated it with a passion, I’m not about to repeat the mistake in this my hopefully, second and last one before I/we depart this “mortal coil”.

So anyone out there who wants to come out and “let the devil take the hindmost”, just be 100% sure you are both financially and emotionally equipped to deal with the consequences. To this we can add the, at least for me, explosive impact of when the “sprogs” found out.

If you are someone like Amanda has quoted in the survey results, (of which I am typical), try your hardest to be your male self most of the time, but of course take every SECURE opportunity to be your “other half” when you can.

By security I mean all the “usuals”. If you can manage it, “separate” credit card/Paypal account and perhaps PO box for your on line shopping and for goodness sake, try to allow more time than when she “goes to her mother’s for a cuppa” to be femme.

As is evident by so many posts, that’s the prime way to get sprung. (Possible question for the next survey Amanda. How did you get sprung??)

Happy (secure) dressing,

Caty

[Anonymous]

Quote:

I had been in hiatus for a while, but the need to be me returned last night.
My lovely GG had gone out to meet a friend (from out of town) and go to a show.
What I did not realise is that the friend was coming back to ours to stay the night.
Heard the garage door go up and wandered outside to say hello and go a little surprise!
Although a little embarrassing to start with, we took it all in our stride (friend works in the arts) and had a pleasant chat about the nights activities and a few questions about the newly exposed me.
GG is fine with it. We have all know each other for over 18 years now.
It will be interesting how far it spreads amongst our friends.
It actually feels pretty good to be coming out.
Now for some shopping
Hugs

Andrea

Hi Andrea.
It would seem that you had already been open to your existing GG, and that by chance a friend has seen the “Alterego”, I wish you all the best with your new found extra freedom, but like all things there will be detractors, these are the one’s that can make things the most difficult.

As mentioned there’s many that have been open and had the rug pulled out from under. I like many have been dressing for a while, and given the opportunity I would go full time, but like many there’s always issues making it impossible, I do take the chance when I can and even have made friends with the TG Net and had the chance to socialise within the group, but these occasions are few and far apart.

I don’t consider this to be a “fetish” but a real feeling of peace and comfort when dressed and out (as oppoosed to outed). When I met my second wife I discussed my feelings with her and made her aware, she was not cold to it but most definately not welcoming. My feelings for her out weighed my desires and purged,, but although you may do this it does not diminish your own feelings and needs, finally you start again.. and again go back in the closet.. 😥 this is to maintain your relationship.
Once “sprogs” come along this puts a whole different dimension on it..

Anyway I’m rambling.. all my best to you your freinds for the honesty and acceptance..
This as we all know is true friendship !!!

Pat

[Elizabeth]

OMG! Like all others I’ve been through the hoop so to speak of relationships, breakups and damn right aggresivness. My first wife of fifteen years, a long time ago was aggresive when she eventually found out piecemeal about Liz. I was virtually booted out of the marriage, rarely to see my daughter again. The whole episode left me with a withering bitterness that lasted for a great many years (40 to be precise) and still lingers.
I tried yet again, almost forty years ago still convinced that I could beat this dreadful burden with which we, the transgender community are saddled in life. I didn’t beat the burden, nor will anyone else. It’s a fact of life. Eventually, it came out again over the ensuing years with my second partner, initially with resentment and anger at being decieved. Over the years that resentment mellowed, although I suspect there is a lingering inner anger. The mellowed resentment has, over more recent times blossomed into a genuine interest and an interest to be involved, within limits. Much of the interest has been the result of some research into the causes and outcomes of transgenderism. But then it is about me; my wife sees beyond the frocks and makeup and sees me, the inner unchanging person, and as far as I know, after all these years still loves that inner person. My wife is an active member of AGA in Canberra, enjoys the excellant company and blistering social life. She herself has selectively ‘come out’ to her personal friends (with my consent) which tells me that even for her, this ‘comining out’ has a liberating effect. But, as I said to her at one time, ‘don’t worry, it’s not you who’s transgendered, it’s me; I have to carry the can so to speak. I’m out to every one by now, except my immediate neighbours who may be considered transphobic. With my wife I still suspect it to be a case of ‘if you can’t beat them, you may as well join them.’ We’ve met a good many lovely people from the transgendered community whom we are happy to call close friends.
So sorry to have been rambling on, but I hope my little contribution helps others to see that there can be light at the end of the tunnel. It’s a hard life! ‘Illigitamy Non Carborundom’

Hugz
Liz