CDing and Marital Failure

[Anonymous]

Haley

I am also in Darwin and here is my experiances. Don’t know if it will help or hinder.

I buried my alter ego for a long time, oh there were a lot of times when the pink monster came out but generally I lived and operated as male, got married – had kids, provide for the family etc. The first wife discovered my little secret and bang see you later. Second Wife was not aware of my dark side but she eventually found out because I can’t hide her no matter what I do. She got right into the sprit and for about five years it was pure party time and associated sports. She was having a great time but I could not handle living two lives and trying to keep my fem side a secret. It was all too hard.

I burned all my fem stuff and left. Was very messy as she broadcast my secrets to the world and now I have no contact with my recent past. I am now in a great relationship and I love my present partner very much. Before we got together I told her all about my 2 sides. She said she did not care as long as MARYJANE did not come knocking again. Three years and Mary has been quite, sometimes I could feel her pocking around but generally she stayed away – until now.

In discussions over drinks (lots of drinks) last night, MaryJane decided to raise her pretty little head and talks began on shaving vs waxing and dress vs skirts. Then My partner went “ where is this leading”??. The discussion was then focused directly at MaryJane and she leapt out grabbing the opportunity to “express herself”. I must say it did not go at all well. Remember I have told my partner ALL about my past (I held absolutely nothing in reserve). She denied knowing about that and “I did not realise that”. Then subject closed. This morning it is “what discussion”, so MaryJane returns to her cellar.

[Anonymous]

Mary Honey,

I am so sorry to hear of your femininity being banished and never to be spoken of. Here is where friends and a bit of education may help. Yes it took me two failed marriages before meeting the Lady of my life. But the struggle to hide my true feelings when in other relationshiops was just too damaging to my sense of self-worth and my esteem suffered.

My partner is much more understanding than I could have hoped. I told her about my lifestyle after the second meeting and she was fine with it. I found out her total understanding and acceptance was due to her brother being a CD and almost went the whole deal.

One needs to talk about their feelings to their partner, whether it be for better or worse. You keeping it hidden is detrimental should she find out as it is seen as a betrayal of trust, coz you lied by not saying anything. Yet by the same token, you keeping it hidden because she wants it that way, will eventually lead to loathing and a sense of regret towards her for denying you your right to be who you really are.

Yes it is a catch 22 situation, but communication is the key issue, a lack thereof, leads to the above mentioned difficulties. Shutting of communication just adds to the list of woes.

If ever you wish to talk further please do not hesitate to give me a yell.

Please take great care.

Big Hugs
Hayley

Self-acceptance is not the absence of fear…but the conquest of it