Coming out at work – looking for a road map

[Anonymous]

The standard proceedure in the workplace is to discuss it with your HR manager but in the Air Force I have no idea what the equivalent would be. I would suggest speaking to your CO. When I was in the air force my CO was very approachable and this will be something that the unit would need to be briefed on in regards to what to expect. For myself I could no longer bear living as a man so just turned up at work en femme and let the cards fall where they may.

[Anonymous]

Not having done it I can only go on the things I’ve been told. I did get a “comfy chair session” in Head Office telling me that I couldn’t just rock up in a skirt one day. I needed to give a month’s warning so that work colleagues could get used to the idea, get counselling if necessary et al. My shrink was even more strident in telling me my obligations should I ever get the courage to do so. I do have the advantage of being in the public service where I am, theoretically at least, protected from disdcrimination. Being in one of the services must add a degree of difficulty-good luck!

[Anonymous]

Hi Amy. This is a hard question to answer because you’re the person who works at your workplace, not us which means that we don’t know how you will well and truly get on. I came out over twelve months ago as a part time crossdresser which at the time you could have said that I was (just barely) but even though it was hard, it got people used to the fact that I wear a female wardrobe. That was long before I started HRT.

I’m now just about to cross the bridge of a name change at work but differently to you and most others I’m not changing my actual appearance in a way so I have an advantage I guess. Read my blog entries and you’ll come to understand what I mean there. I believe that in my case, working in the “rough and tumble” garbage/truck industry has a good challenge and it hasn’t really been an issue surprisingly. I’ve had discussions with the bosses and because I’m just changing my name now, they said to just bring in the paperwork. They don’t want to do any prep. work because they honestly feel that the biggest issue is dealt with.

I chose a path that suits me and also suits the people that I work with. I get treated as a woman now just with baseball caps etc. in public and that’s all that I need at work to survive as a mechanic/garbo. See how it’s a hard thing to answer because we don’t work with you? We have a plan for toilets and so on and I’m not going to ask that people instantly start calling me miss, her and the like either. I’m going for things like Peta and Pete and mate etc. which will make it easier for my colleagues. This is a big step and yes it’s VERY scary but the thing to remember is that you have to make sure that your bosses understand that you are aware of the people around you and that you can consider their thoughts as well as be prepared to maybe make some compromises to help them adjust through the initial stages.

I hope that things work for you too, I believe that yes, if you do it right it will work but no-one can tell you what you have to do, only offer ideas instead with this so always remember that huh? My email is on the Western Syd. Rest. Nights post so email me directly if you want some more thoughts too, I won’t mind at all.

Peta A.

[Anonymous]

Amy,

Hope it goes well, I would definitely speak to your CO and look at what process you want to take to allow a smooth transition. As Felicity says the shock of “A” one day, then Amy the next with no transition could and would hurt you.

All the best Hun.

Helen xxxx

[Anonymous]

Hi . Amy .

What works for one may not work for others .
I breifed every one who we knew & worked with friends & bussnesses & that was over 3 months or so. & this of cause wont apply to you yet was good for me & Jos,
I was interviewed for T V & the papers after i came back from thailand & so every one knew & friends going back 50 years ,
I invited others to be a part of my life & in what i was doing & how i was going about it
It was all over N Z plus the net, it saved us a lot of problems . & the respose has been great. okay that worked for me because im not a girle girl , im not hideing my past im very open so people know me as male & as a woman .

okay no dought you wont do this as youll not wont your past out there
well i would have had to do what your doing as i was under the navy & if id carred on id have done the same thing as it is iv been back concerning other maters & was accepted with out any ??s,
id see the top brass & see how they would view this & work with them . we have one navy woman who went through this with out any detail. two years ago. i dont see any detail just have them on board with you .your C O.s will no dought understand some detail & youll have to inform them of your intentsions .
all the best .

…noeleena…

[Anonymous]

Hi Amy,

Well it is definitely not an easy road that any of us have selected, I congratulate you on having got this far.

You are as you say in a group of people that as a part time warrior had 20 odd years experience there, but more importanly everyone so far has given good advice.

Now my ten cents worth 😆 … I am a serving police officer here in WA and I found it very important to give as much lead time as possible to the hierarcy to prpepare your workplace, in my situation I was let down a little and now am still battling the olod standard issue of using the fmale facilities, but we will get there.

I was due to finish my tenure at Hopetoun as the OIC of the station in March of this year, so In late september I met up with the essential people, Health & Welfare, HR, & the Asssitant Commissioner for Regional WA all advising them of my desire to transition and when it was anticipated, so everything was in place or so I thaught.

As a general rule it has gone well, I moved into a section where I had previously been & I knew 34 of the existing 150 staff, so prpeared them with a letter explaining what was happening. There are going to be those detractors but it is their issue. and there are just over 8000 WAPOL employees and I have been in this job for 27 years so I know quite a few of them.

The changing of Name, uniform are all easy stuff to do its just paperwork.

I think one of the things that has helped me thru in my role as a training officer Is my willingness to share my story and educate those that want to know. I treat everything light heartedly because that makes the others feel at ease. But this is my approach, you will need to gauge what is your best approach.

I have all my correspondence to friends, work colleagues and bosses if you would like to peruse them if you think it will assist.

If I can be of any assistance please feel free to send me an email.

All the very best in your journey.

Hugs

Stefanie

[Anonymous]

Thank you all your thoughts, rest assured i have done every thing that all have suggested here, and it has gone as well as could be expected, considering my current world, i have the full support of both my section co and base execs so it is not that , it is more my own failings on the day or what reactions ppl may have telling them is one thing and this was easy but showing them is another, alto of the old guard still view the uniform as a status symbol and wear it with pride and defend its priniple accordingly
so i know i will cope some flack, just not sure on the coping mechs? cheers Amy

[Anonymous]

There is one little thing I would like to mention. I have transitioned at work and many people know who I used to be. We have a Newsletter that goes out all over the country to employees of our company. I was asked to provide a “Getting to Know You” article. In the section about “Tell us Something About Yourself that we don’t know” I mentioned that I was Transgendered and thanked all of those in the company who have helped me in my transition. My manager asked me if I should do this as he was concerned that I would be exposing myself a little too much. My reply was that firstly, I wanted to thank everyone who helped me, and secondly, I wanted to send out a message that people like me should not be so afraid to be who they really are. The article is coming out next week so I guess I will find out then what the fallout will be.

Happy travels everyone

Portia