Coming out to those close to you

[Anonymous]

I am trying to rebuild the bridges but it is not easy. I don’t blame anyone, it’s just as Adrian says, there are silo-ed groups who don’t like to cross-pollinate… Can I just say it may be worthwhile seeing any ‘announcement’ from all angles. What is great news to you might really be resentful to others for whom such freedoms are little more than pipe dreams. Tact and diplomacy will be the catch cry in future…

[JaneS]

Donnagirl wrote:

It’s only my more closeted CD friends who have reacted badly. I think a combination of envy, jealousy and regret. For them I am sorry, but I could not remain hidden. It has cost me one very close friend that has hurt me badly, and by association I’m also counting as lost a number of common CD and TG friends in SA. That part really hurts…

Lost friends, in some ways, suggest that they were not really friends at all, merely common associates. I’ve had few negative reactions to my gradual exposure but by far the most negative and truly hurtful comments came from a person who is supposedly transitioning. I say “supposedly” because whilst proclaiming that ‘people like me’ are pretenders and not genuine because I don’t plan to transition or live full time as a woman, she has been transitioning for almost ten years and clings to a letter from a doctor that says she is in the process of transition even though she’s not had any form of surgery.

Don’t get me wrong, I have no problems with her position. I don’t care if someone never has surgery and simply chooses to live their life as a woman without it but I don’t believe that gives her some superior position and inherent right to belittle or sit in judgement of people like me.

Coming out to those close to us is rarely easy and as Donna says, attitudes can change quickly if the conditions and circumstances are right. If they are not then that’s when we risk losses we’re not really prepared for. For some of us though those losses are preferable to the self destruction we were engaged in before coming out.

The one person who means everything to me saw my self destruction happening, though she didn’t know why, until I finally told her. Although she was shocked and very confused she also knew that she held my life in her hands. Her progress towards acceptance and understanding took a little longer than Donna’s partner but it happened. Sometimes we have to take that chance.

[Anonymous]

I just told my best friend I think I am trans. I did so reluctantly and quite nervously. This is the first person I’ve told since my high school counselor. He was very understanding, I didn’t say much else but he offered to console me or ask about my situation and if he could help at all.

In the past, he has said some pretty ignorant things about the trans community but in the end if its someone you are comfortable speaking to about your issues or emotions, they will tend to understand and try to support you.

Then again, its only been a couple hours since I told him. I asked him not to treat me differently or judge me for it, and I will find out further reactions in the next few days.