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Did I tell you about Me?
I guess you know the feeling?
Something is obvious to everyone, it’s embarrassing to others, but yet no one says anything about it?
Well I have something obvious and embarrassing that I think we should talk about in these forums.
On several occasions I have told partners and others that I would post about “this matter” on their behalf. But I always chicken out because, as the bearer of bad news, I don’t want to be shot (or pick up a shocking hit to my reputation!).
So please accept that what I’m about to say is not just my own personal grudge or obsession. It appears to be widely observed, obvious and to many others, acutely embarassing.
What am I referring to?
Well imagine you sit down next to a total stranger in a restaurant and are looking forward to having a pleasant evening’s conversation. But instead all the stranger can talk about is themselves! They provide you with an unwanted and unsolicited description of their life, possibly their medical history, and even details of surgery. Worse still, at every attempt to change the subject to something of mutual interest they keep returning to their pet subject – “Me”.
Well it appears that many gender diverse people are guilty of this sort of egocentric behaviour.
Somewhere in the journey from gender ignorance to gender awareness many of us become so self absorbed with our own lives that we cannot relate effectively to others in society. It seems that we are so self centered we have no receptors open to the needs and interests of others.
It happens at social events (and I have had many complaints). But you can also see the same thing happening in our forums. How many times does the topic seem less important to the poster than sharing their latest life experiences with the group. Thankfully this has been less of an issue since we provided members with Blogs – which by definition are always just about “Me”. But it happens – we sometimes just can’t help ourselves it seems.
Of course we feel we have an excuse. Some of us are making momentous steps in understanding ourselves, our past, and our future. And we just want to share our enlightenment with everyone… and anybody… whenever we can. In the right context, sharing our experiences can be a great help to others. But we have to remain aware of when and where is the right time to talk about “Me”.
Maybe we can lay the blame on the rise of vacuous status updates on social media like Facebook. When Facebook asks you to tell the world about yourself every day why ask if the world is actually interested? With the ability to tell everyone about ourselves as often as we want we have perhaps become desensitised to what others want to hear.
At the start of our journey, our love of photographs often verges on the narcissistic. But all that photography has a funny side to it, and hardly seems to impact on the attitudes of others towards us.
But as we move from fun nights out to serious re-alignment in society an inability to talk about anything other than “Me” is insidious. It has far reaching implications on our acceptance by, and re-integration in, society.
So did you know the feeling?
Is the observation of others correct?I think it is!
I would suggest we need to raise our consciousness of egocentricity if we are to integrate with and seek the acceptance of society at large.
Let’s not talk about “Me”.
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4 Replies
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Adrian I think I understand what you are talking about but don’t really understand if your thoughts relate to what’s written on the forums or not.
When writing on the two forums I participate in, I try to only talk from & about my own experiences, it is what I understand best.
If I want to know something relating to Tg issues I ask for my own purposes. If I offer comment, I speak from my own perspective. When I’m engaging with other Tg people I do so initially because of a commonality of gender variance. Due to the inherent secrecy of many Tg persons it is quite difficult to discuss much else.What would you suggest we talk about?
I have many other interests but so far amongst the Tg folk I have met, I haven’t met anyone who shares those particular interests, or maybe we just haven’t gelled.
I really do think I understand your point but it seems misplaced on a forum that exists for the purpose of ones own journey of understanding. It’s a little bit like a psych telling a client, can’t we talk about something other than you.I say this for my own benefit now, you know that I am neither shallow nor unintelligent & I also often agree with your sentiments but I’m quite unsure of what you might suggest we discuss if not ourselves or the issues that have drawn us to such a place of self help.
To be clear, I understand the sentiment but not the alternative.
I think that’s about 33 references to me (now it’s 34), how else might it be discussed?
I truly do not mean this as a personal attack but don’t know how else to make my point; your life does not need to be discussed on the forum though I would hazard a guess that at some point in time it has been. You are in the privileged position of having a very large part of the community ‘come’ to you. You can observe & modify your views vicariously without the need to (necessarily) participate. You know a great many Tg people & have had the time to build relationships (I assume) based on more than Tg issues but how did you get to that position other than to search for the meaning of your own existence as a gender variant person with & amongst others who were/are doing the same. I repeat, this is not an attack, though it may well be poorly expressed.
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Did I tell you about me?
Now who’s guilty on that count? I have no doubt whatsoever about my guilt. Transgenderism seems to me to pervade my whole life. (There we go).
As someone once said to me (again) ‘there’s more to you than being transgender.’
I mean what is there to talk about except dresses, elegant shoes, makeup, dining out? Me! I get heartedly sick of hearing others droning on and on when all I want to talk about is my latest purchase from the local shoe store or a dress I just couldn’t resist. Cheer up Amanda-Adrian.Now what was it you were saying?
Liz
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A seriously interesting subject.
When we meet someone new and do not know much of the other the conversation is initially based on asking questions. Where do you…?, how do you…?, why is this…?, when did you…?, how is your family? etc.
Those we click with respond in kind, listen to the response, remember some of the details and build the friendship. When next we meet the conversation builds on this shared information. Those people become good friends.
When completely one sided it is not much fun.
This applies to all not just people in our community but it does seem rife.
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Quote:I think I understand what you are talking about but don’t really understand if your thoughts relate to what’s written on the forums or not.The observation is about the wider world than forums – about the way we present in society as gender diverse people. The reference to the forums was just to show that egocentricity manifests itself in much of what we do – from photos to boring the pants off people at social gatherings.
Perhaps I could also have made an observation about the chat room as well, because in some respects that is more like a social gathering and less of an archive of support material. There are people who find it hard to say anything in on-line chat that doesn’t start with the word I – or at least have “Me” as the subject. This isn’t a conversation – its a monolog.
Quote:When I’m engaging with other Tg people I do so initially because of a commonality of gender variance.I have no issues with that – provided that what the other person wants or expects to hear is your personal experiences. In Blog type forums that is always the case. But there are cases, even in forums, where such “blogging” is not acceptable. That’s why I wrote:
Quote:But we have to remain aware of when and where is the right time to talk about “Me”.Quote:I’m quite unsure of what you might suggest we discuss if not ourselves or the issues that have drawn us to such a place of self help.Again, I know partners don’t consider a restaurant meal as a place of self help. And to be honest neither do I.
Quote:Now who’s guilty on that count? I have no doubt whatsoever about my guilt.I wasn’t posting from a position of virginal innocence either, but on many occasions observing it has made me squirm with embarrassment.
Quote:When completely one sided it is not much fun. This applies to all not just people in our community but it does seem rife.Yes – that sums up my point nicely!
