Getting caught

[Anonymous]

hello Sammy

I to went through the same thing, when my wife of 20 years found one of my dresses about a year ago. and I got out of the problem by deceit I just made up a convincing story which she accepted.
But during Easter this year I have come to a decision and that is she should know who I am. Returning home from my parents place I found the courage to finally tell my wife my little secret. She was shocked she’d never guessed that I would cross dress at all. We talked for hours and in the end for me she accepted me for who I am.
That doesn’t mean I can dress up all the time at home we’ve come to an understanding with boundaries that we both accept.

For myself finally coming out of the closet at home has opened up my life and world, with benefits that I’d never thought of such as my wife helping me buy clothes and makeup tips.
As I say I’m very lucky my wife has always been my best friend and with that in mind my life has working out quite lovely.

Penny

[Anonymous]

Hi Sammy, firstly good on you for taking the first step in telling your wife, she will need to be reassured that she is the number one person in your life.

My own personal experience in that I didn’t as my wife was accepting to begin with but as soon as I hid the aspects of taking plant supplements to enhance my own breasts, that was it, my crossdressing became more than “just dressing” to 3 years later making appointments with psychs to transition.

So darling be very careful and pleasse take baby steps, this is a bigggggg issue for our spouses to the point that I am no longer married.

Hugs

Stef

[Anonymous]

My wife saw a photograph of me dressed and I told her the truth. She didn’t take the news well and that finished out marriage. I feel that any steps you take and any minor changes to your appearance including shaving/waxing, eyebrow shaping etc can have an affect on your wife. Whether its an insecurity on her part about you having different desires or that every change made takes her husband a little further away.

I lost my wife and it hurt. Please be careful.

Helen

[Anonymous]

well first of all i have to say ABIG THANK YOU to Helen Stephanie and Penny, the thought that someone actually cares enough to read my posts and then actually takes the time to thoughtfully reply just makes me so glad i joined this web site so a big thank you to you also Amanda hope you read this.
Yes Helen I can understand that and i actually told my wife , strange but we are talking more calmly now why is that? dont know but im relieved any way i told her that i do not want to lose her and the kids . So amazingly i dont have the pressing urge to dress whenever i get a spare hour home alone. Yes Stephanie i am at the moment assessing where i want to be .
Penny i really doubt that we will have that mutual dressing that you describe but at least we speak calmly and logically and who knows ? maybe

ty ladies i will keep you posted now that i know it helps me to post in here and just possibly i can be of some assistance to others as you ladies have been to me.
after all we are all in this together

[Anonymous]

Sammie,

The lack of desire to dress whenever there is a spare hour or two is possibly because the ‘terrible secret’ is no longer there. Like stealing apples, the stolen ones always taste better than those given or bought. All the best and I hope all turns out well.

Helen

[Anonymous]

Hi Sammy. After reading this, I can guess that even though you’re relieved that things are out in the open, you are still in a lot of limbo about the future. My ex. caught me out years ago and I too fobbed it off as a one time fantasy and so life went on. She has now since walked out but not because of that incident however. Please remember that not all wives are the same, some accept this with open arms and some do not. Take things easy with her and your kids too if they find out and be prepared to compromise and things could work out rather well for you. It is a great feeling to have things in the open I agree, don’t let it cloud your judgement though.

Peta A.

[Anonymous]

once again i must say i cant imagine where id be without access to this site and the advice,words of encouragement and wisdom through experience. Thank you Peta i will take that on board re clouding judgement and what truly is important in my life. Yes i love dressing and being enfemme but is the relationship with my family more ,less or on a par as far as importance goes.
There is the judgement scenario.
Would they accept me sa sammy
Would i /should i care?
Am i being self centred selfish wanting to be sammy?
Can i rationalise it and just do it?
Damn i don’t know
What i do know is that my wife is being much more sane and level headed about this than i gave her credit for.
Dilemmas and quandaries.
Do we ask for this? no way.
I am reminded of thesaying : Be careful what you wish for..you just might get it.
bye for now
Sammi

[Anonymous]

Hi Sammy

Wow the girls have sort of covered everything pretty well.

All I can add is the simple fact that your feelings never go away, you can put it on the shelf, but it will come back. It is something you do need to deal with, but take your time and dont make rash decidions.

Your wife is accepting, so include her with your thoughts, she has no idea how you feel, just think things through first as you dont want to confuse her.

If you are unhappy then fix it, if you are happy then enjoy it and dont push for more than what is fair, you may lose out.

xxx

Kelly Jones

[Anonymous]

Hi Sammy,
Remember what somebody (I can’t remember who) once said, “Acceptance isn’t approval”.

While your wife’s first reaction of disgust was probably due to the shock of finding her hubby dressed (a very ‘Jerry Springer’- like thing, to her mind) remember, while it’s not new to you, it is to her. She’s probably in a bit of shock as of now, and doesn’t know what to do.

You’ll have to wait for her to speak about it, then reassure her that your ‘kink'( because she’ll see it as that, at least,) doesn’t mean you don’t love her,don’t fancy her, or mean you’re gay.

But, as others have said, take ‘baby steps’, because you don’t want her to think that because she hasn’t reacted so badly , that you are taking advantage, and rushing to show her the woman that you can look like.

She may even vacillate between acceptance and rejection for a while. Try to gauge her feelings very carefully for the next few weeks, and months.

Take it slow and carefully, and good luck.

Michelle

[Anonymous]

Hi Sammy,

Your story sounds amazingly familiar. Almost the exact same thing happened to me. 18 months later there are still times when my wife (who is my best friend) and I still have difficulty communicating about Simone, but the one thing that stands out is the loss of trust my wife has. She has repeatedly said that she is okay with the dressing (labelling it weird, but if I’m happy…). She also understands why I couldn’t tell her. But she’s still having trouble with being deceived. She feels duped, stupid, gullable etc. She wishes I could have had the courage and the belief in our relationship to tell her. And so do I.

Good luck.

Simone

[Anonymous]

I never told my first wife about my other self, which resulted in thirty years of a terrific marriage marred (for me, but not her) by having to live a lie. After she died I promised myself I’d tell any future possible partner about it at the outset to minimise damage to both parties. And I did. My present wife was shocked when I told her but she’s an extremely intelligent person and thought long about it, did a lot of research and reading, discussed it with trusted friends and then told me that she just wouldn’t be comfortable with my other self. We’ve both accepted this status and our relationship has been superb ever since. It means I don’t get the opportunity to dress very often but OTOH I have the joys and delights of an extremely loving partner. I occasionally throw her a gentle reference to men dressing and things like that, but she’s not fielding them. And so we continue loving and delighting in those aspects of each others’ that bring us joy and deep satisfaction (including great sex). It’s not perfect (for me) but the important thing is that we’re happy with each other. And I don’t have to live a lie like I did for those thirty years.

[Anonymous]

Hi girls,

I have not been on for a while as I have been basking in a wonderful new relationship.

I made a decision some time ago to tell any prospective partner about ‘Kelly’. I had decided to give relationships a rest early in 2009 and did not actively seek one. In December I was contacted by a wonderful woman whom I had worked with a few years prior and we caught up for a drink. We always had a ‘connection’ and it was obvious that it was still there.
We met a few more times before I realised that she was something quite special and so I set about telling her about Kelly. I dropped so many hints over the next week but couldn’t blurt it out and so one restless night I got up at 2am and wrote an email to her explaining how Kelly was a part of me etc and hit the send button…..

The next day she contacted me and said that it made her cry ( with joy) that I could share something so special with her.

She met Kelly the next week and loved her, and now she has joined a CD support site to found out more about Kelly.

Since that time she has helpe Kelly re arrange her wardrobe, bought Kelly a lovely dress and asked Kelly to share her make up advice!

K

Kelly

[Anonymous]

Hi Kelly

Congratulations, you should repost this in your blog as I am going off topic to say congrats.

Enjoy what you have but remember to give her some boy time too, thats the bit that I would probably stuffed up on and then they decide that they want a guy instead.

Wow I am haapy for you though and good luck.

xxx

Kelly Jones