Hair styles

[Adrian]

Peta … welcome to TgR!

I’m not an expert on hair…except my own of course!

A short male pony tail (off the neck) seems to be widely accepted round town – its a uniform of the IT geek and the more creative occupations.
But in my eyes the longer it gets the more it looks out of place and unless it is perfectly maintained the message becomes more and more alternative.

Now I don’t know what you do for a job, or how important your “male” image is to you. But your hair does send a message… which is why women spend so much time/money on it!

If I generalise, I would say that middle aged crossdressers have two common “fetishes” – big boobs and long hair.
Generally neither work well for the image!
Of course it depends if you “dress to pass” – at home it doesn’t matter what your image is but as you head from 40’s into 50’s long hair in public rarely works – how many genetic women of that age do you see with long hair?

Now you could have that perfect face shape that complements long hair…a photo would help.
But I suspect you have chosen long hair more as a reaction to years of No 3 rather than because it is right for you.
But to my eyes, most of those who have dispensed with wigs for unstyled long natural hair look much less feminine.

The key word here is style I think.
A No 3 has no style and is so male-only in look.
But a good hairdresser can style medium length hair into any number of androgenous styles that can be tweaked to suit the occasion.
I currently have my hair layered and feathered by a sweet person who knows about Amanda. The result looks nothing like the normal product of a barber – and with a quick blow dry can be ready to go out.
But as I said that’s me…..

None of us are very objective about our looks – so maybe you do need to find a hairdresser you can confide in and trust.

[Deleted User]

Thankyou Amanda for the welcome.

How important is my male image. At this stage very.
I am not yet comfortable with informing my family or most of the outside world. (My wife is the only one that knows)

I believe I am currently going through a confusion stage of what it is that I really want and working myself out.

As for big boobs never have been a fan of them.
That is a different subject.

As for long hair. You are correct I have always been a fan of long hair.

I did get the comment from one of my family members that the long hair makes me look like an old man. Did not go down well.

As for my current job. You could say I am the housewife in our family.
I am on home duties and spend most of my current time at home.
My wife is the main income earner.
Again a different subject of how that came about as I use to be the main income earner.

Due to the type of sites I have been on I have been very uncomfortable with putting my face on them so do not have many photos of my face.

TGR is the first site I have actually felt comfortable putting my face on.
My current profile photo is a face shot and was taken early January 2012.
I say that as I am sure I will change it in the future and if someone reads this thread later in time there is a good chance it may have changed.

Yes I do believe the Number 3 cut is so male which is one of the reasons why I decided to grow it.

Yes I think I do need an understanding hairdresser or even a local friend to help me with what to do with my hair.

I am at a stage of not feeling too comfortable with letting the outside world know too much until I really know myself.

Does that make sense?

[Elizabeth]

Hi Peta,
Welcome to TgR.
Hair styles has been a bugbare of mine for a long time. Every time it grew, yes, I was told to ‘have a hair cut’. Wigs to me are a bloody nuisance and they never seem to sit properly on the head. My very supporting wife said that older women always have shortish hair styles, so get one. Like Amanda I have mine feathered and styled by a very understanding stylist. shampooed, blow dried and tweaked into a feminine style. Brushed at times into a male style (of sorts). The feminine style has just about taken over on a permanent basis. What others think of your hair is none of their business, have your hair how you want it not how other think it should be.

Liz

[Deleted User]

Thankyou for the welcome Liz.

Half of my challenge is that I don’t think I am 100% sure how I want it.

As Amanda mentioned earlier. I do have a thing for long hair.
The question is, does it really suit me?

It would be nice to have a style that could go either way.
I think that maybe asking too much though.

I have uploaded some photos of my hair that I took on 10/01/2012 into a new album titled “Hair_length_as_of_10_Jan_2012”.
It is just on shoulder length.

I am hoping there is a member that could possibly cut / style my hair.
Or a member who knows someone of a CD friendly hairdresser that is near the Burpengary / Narangba suburbs of QLD.

[Anonymous]

Whilst I fully realise and appareciate that this is a serious topic for those involved, hey, spare a thought for those of us with so little hair “up there” that if we grew a beard, there would be more on our faces than our heads….And even if we do happen to own quality wigs, there are probably many, (me included), who live in small communities. So whilst taking our wigs to the local hairdresser may result in a nice head of (temporary) hair, it would also get the gossip tounges wagging faster than the windsock at the local airport.

[Deleted User]

Caty I certainly will spare a thought for you.

I would like to do something with my hair while I can.
At least find out what I can or cannot do with it.

If family is anything to go off.
My dad is bald in front and at top.
My older brother had a full head of grey at 40.
I am 42 so am counting myself lucky at this point.
On that note I do have a few strands of grey that I find annoying so don’t know how much longer I have.

[Elizabeth]

Perhaps long hair would indeed look good on Peta, we don’t know do we? In the end it’s what the wearer likes, not what others want or think. We’re here to offer support and guidance. Some people are flamboyant and couldn’t care less what others think, whilst others are reticent and feel obliged to follow the desires of those closest to them.

Liz

[Anonymous]

Hey Peta !

You and I are on the same journey. I much prefer my own hair, and so I am trying to grow it longer. I am 59 and have a slight bald patch right at the crown of my head, but otherwise my hair grows thick and wavy, and has been like that most of my life. I would absolutely love a ponytail, but to achieve that will be a long process. As regards the ‘dress to suit your age’ idea, It doesn’t bother me all that much, plenty of males my age have long hair, it’s just that males don’t care for their hair as women do, so on men it nearly always looks scruffy.

I have an aditional problem in that my hair is very wavy, and sticks out in embarassing ringlets and curls most of the time which is a pain. I shampoo/cond. every morning and I brush regularly, but I think lately that my problem hair may stem from the daily vitamin B and E caps that I take. My mother had the same problem with the bob that she wore. I will always remember that she pinned her hair back with many bobbie pins. Not that I can do the same in public, but if I wear a wollen skull cap around the house for a bit before I go out, it usually behaves for most of the day.

I am currently in a position where I can do what I like hair wise, having just lost my job due to redundancy, so if I remain a bum I will get away with it, but I will become self conscious when I have to apply for a job.

Jannine. xx

[Deleted User]

Jannine reading your profile it does look like we are on a similar journey.
I believe you are a few steps ahead though.

Side note (Love some of your outfits.)

I am finding I love the feel of my hair out of a ponytail.
As it is now just growing over my shoulders the feel of it.
Unfortunately how something feels and looks I have learnt are 2 seperate things. This goes for clothing too.

I only put it into a ponytail whenever I leave the house or have visitors.

I do have the usual bed hair in the morning. A few brushes of the hair soon straightens that out though.
As it has not been cut for 13 months I am getting a curl on the tips that takes time to get out.

My challenge is I have spent my life pleasing others. As such have learnt this bad habit of not knowing what really pleases me.
The things that I thought pleased me in the past only pleased me because it pleased someone else. Does that make sense?

Anyway that is getting into another subject.

The amount of times I have said that in these threads I could have started a few other threads. I would be spending most of my day typing.

[Anonymous]

My bit for what it may be worth. I’m 55, with receding hairline and a thin spot that would fit neatly under a skull cap. I’ve been on HRT for 20 months.

I had a wedding to go to last weekend and my hair hadn’t been cut for 12 months. Lots of curls and a nice length but a few split ends and no style. I work in androgynous mode. That means a new bloke at work did a double take when he was leaving the loo and I was going in. I wanted hair I could be me in and go to work in what is predominantly male mode. I walk past several hairdressers’ salons on the way to work and ended up going into the one which had two guys working in it who were young and one of them was wearing a long rat’s tail in his hair and what appeared to be a Shogun’s outfit as day to day clothing. As it turned out the straight guy did my hair but he didn’t bat an eyelid when I said I had a wedding to go to and that I’d be wearing a dress. Not only did I get acceptance but I got a great “do” as well.

[Anonymous]

Peta, I think your story is a good example of where one desire, the long hair, is in conflict with another, your need to be seen as a ‘ man” by others. This sets up a conflict that will be hard to settle while the two things exist. I overcame this issue by not minding being seen as a transgender person, saves a lot of explaining.

I wear my hair in a shoulder length bob but I colour it light blonde so it is less noticeable!! I enjoy using rollers to give it some more body so this does bring some looks but often nice smiles from women. As I am a hairdresser I can get away with it a bit but some people just think I am gay but I no longer care.

A bob may be one answer for you ( Eric in True Blood had a bob and he was described as “sex on a stick”..then again he was a Viking vampire!) You could wear a switch at home to give you the ponytail and , as I do when out, use sunglasses to hold it back out of my face.( Alice bands are not that popular for men round here and don’t even try to wear a tiara!!) From your photo can I suggest a log fringe , to one side as high foreheads are a male signifier ( women, on average , have a shorter forehead) You could wear it down a bit for femme wear and to the side or back for homme times.

If you are ever down this way I would be pleased to cut and style your hair but I think you should just ” man up!” and find a salon to do it locally. Phone them and ask if you are afeared of a face to face to begin with.

[Anonymous]

Hi Christina,

I can see the possibilities of whole new sideline here for you; we send you our headshots, you can then advise us on the best style and cut to suit us.

Think about that.

In the meantime, speaking as a hairdresser, would you say as a general rule that employees in your industry have a wider acceptance and understanding of C/D or T/G clientele ?

I feel that overall women seem to have a much better insight into transgenderism than men, who have been taught for generations about male taboos since birth.

I know that is getting off the track, but apply that statement to male hair stylists, (who work in ladies’ salons) for instance. From personal experience I find the guys as obliging as the girls to my styling requests.
So why the heck do we have such hangups about growing wearing or maintaining our long hair ?….Think back to the ’60s. – every second bloke had shoulder length hair. Some of us, (me included) have never really left the ’60s behind.

[Elizabeth]

Peta wrote on the 31/1 that her father was bald on top, but her brothers were well endowed with hair (so far). A family trait? Hair retention genes are passed on down through mum, not dad, so forget dads balding hair line. I’m very lucky in many ways, I have all my hair with a little sparodic sprinkling of grey, I’m a real oldie but young at heart. Enjoy what you have and make the best of what you have.
Peta, I hope you have found some satisfaction on hair styles.

hugs,
Liz

[Deleted User]

Quote:

Hair retention genes are passed on down through mum, not dad, so forget dads balding hair line. Liz

I didn’t know this.
What about the fact my older brother was all grey at 40?

I have already passed this age so I consider myself lucky there too.
I have the sprinkle of grey comming through now.
Really only noticable close up at the moment.

[Deleted User]

Quote:

Peta, I think your story is a good example of where one desire, the long hair, is in conflict with another, your need to be seen as a ‘ man” by others. This sets up a conflict that will be hard to settle while the two things exist. I overcame this issue by not minding being seen as a transgender person, saves a lot of explaining.

I would say I agree with you. Unfortunately I am no where near comfortable enough with myself at this stage.

Quote:

A bob may be one answer for you
You could wear a switch at home to give you the ponytail and , as I do when out, use sunglasses to hold it back out of my face.( Alice bands are not that popular for men round here and don’t even try to wear a tiara!!)

Sorry for my ignorance. I don’t know what a switch is.
Unfortunately I wear glasses so wearing sunglasses on my head would be hard to explain.

Quote:

If you are ever down this way I would be pleased to cut and style your hair but I think you should just ” man up!” and find a salon to do it locally. Phone them and ask if you are afeared of a face to face to begin with.

I don’t travel like I use too due to the change in my life so the likelyhood of me being in your area is doubtful. Thankyou for the offer.
Would be great if I could find someone local to Burpengary / Narangba in QLD like you.

As for “Manning Up”. That is not in my personality.
I am a coward at heart. I have always been afraid of what others will think.
Before anyone comments, I also know that most of my fears are more than likely just in my head.

Again another thread subject I could probably start.
I just don’t know if to bring them up as threads or put them in a profile blog.

Believe it or not this has been the most open I have been.