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Helping our Partners
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Hi Caroline,
Sounds like a fantastic and very important project. You may also be interested in checking out Friends in Solidarity and Relationships Thriving in Transition groups (https://tgdsupport.info/).
ACON’s meeting rooms would be free for you
I’m in the office again next week and would very much like to chat with you.
All the best,
Ted
Manager, Trans & Gender Diverse Health Equity – ACON
Adjunct Lecturer – Kirby Institute, UNSW Sydney
Pronouns: he/him
Direct: 02 9206 2011 | Mobile: 0419 848 417
Website: acon.org.au
Caroline feels it Looks like we have support!
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Since “Refreshing ” this topic I’ve looked at quite a few You Tube Videos in the hope of finding one that i thought would be particularly helpful and relevant to the OP,
No such luck yet but there is one that clearly demonstrates the high anxiety that can felt by a loved one when someone close comes out to them as transgender
Dr Phil has one on a Father/Son relationship which is very moving but as usual Dr Phil comes to the rescue . An ex US Navy SEAL who has come out as Transgender assists in the discussionhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r6AQ_85U7Q
But back to our Own community here in TGR, there is an excellent piece written by Ophelia Williams a TG persons partner, and published 5 years ago in the Partners Forum area.
Its great that Adrian maintains these gems no matter how old as they clearly still have relevanceGo looking for it !!!
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A fantastic project Caroline. As a one time family therapist and long time psychotherapist, now 90% retired, I’d be really interested in following your project with a view maybe to introducing something similar in Victoria a little later. For professional support I’d be more inclined towards a private practice Social Worker than a psychologist.
Social Work training and practice is geared more towards broader social dynamics and relationships and their impacts on the people in them, as well as the responses of individuals to those social dynamics and relationships. where psychology training and practice is geared more towards individual needs and behaviour in social settings and relationships.
To contextualise that into the trans gender experience. When my ‘woman’ suddenly or gradually emerges into my relationship with my wife of, say 30 years, there’s not only a need for this ‘transformed’ me to be accepted by my wife, but an equal or greater need for me to accept and respond positively to the overwhelming impact of my transformation upon my wife. So, if the relationship is to survive, I need to accept my wife’s initial shock and possible abhorrence of this massive change to the relationship she signed up to. She married a man and now, at best, she doesn’t know if she’s married to a man, a woman or a man who is becoming a woman. And that’s Just for starters.
Then there are the sibs, kids, adult kids and grandkids, and how all of those might be affected and respond to the tidal wave of change by one member of the family system and its web of relationships.
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Oops!, Sorry: sent before finished. I was doing that on iPhone which does not seem to like this site or its messaging program very much lol.
Just to sum up, e TGs and CDs often tend to see the issues first from our own perspective. Not surprising given the awful confusion and anxieties we’re suddenly faced with when we are ‘out’ ourselves or are discovered. But, challenging though it is, this kind of project is more likely to succeed in moving ourselves, our partners and families b beyond the immediate crises and longer term impacts if it starts, not so much from where the TG or CD is at, but from where our partners and families are at. So if we want our partners and families to come with us on this journey, we need to understand and accept the the huge impact our trans gender transition is having on them, before we ask them to accept our transition.
To use Caroline’s model, the first task of a family help project might be to help our own TGs and CDs (in intimate relationships) move from our own Set B to a Set A – wherein we have accepted the impact of our transition upon partner and family, and accepted that they too might need to make changes in the ways they manage their own lives around us.
I hope that all helps somehow, Caroline, and I’d love to follow your progress.
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I intend to make a new post soon with the Topic Name TransForm
with the intention of providing more specific details about a project aimed at addressing the need for Helping our Partners.
This topic drew a lot of comment since it was first posted over 2 years ago Thanks to Jessica Wayne for that and before too long I will need to know who may actually want to attend.
PLEASE USE MESSAGING to me NOT Posts underneath this to confirm your interest in attending. Start sending me messages NOW IF you and your partner wish to take part.Ive made a booking for a meeting room at ACON headquarters in Elizabeth st Surry Hills , about 5 mins walk from Central Station for Sunday 2nd February next year from 13:00-15:00
Im networking with some people who Im hoping will attend and offer professional advice on the issues involved in what it takes to preserve a relationship involving a TG person who has “emerged” since the relationship began.
I see this project as being useful for not only those partners in Set B as i described above but also to some Set A partners and perhaps even those in C &D IF they have the curiosity and desire to learn more.Ill keep you posted but as I said above, please confirm if you really do want to be involved in this.
The meeting room will accommodate up to 20 ppl . not that Im expecting that many but lets see !This is of course open to all members of TGR not just NSW so IF you live outside Sydney or NSW you are welcome to attend
Regards
Caroline
