How do you cope with the public?

[Wendy_3]

Ana,
Going out in public is really a confidence thing and probably Big M was not the ideal place to start. Your partner’s experience would not have helped the confidence but no doubt made aware of Societies diverse attitudes to CD. Have said that, don’t let that experience override the necessity of going out but suggest taking smaller steps (more selective in places that your partner goes to) until the confidence is stronger.

The key issues are dress sense and deportment, both of which are a challenge for the mere male when starting out and takes time to be developed.

My suggestion is that your partner joins a support group (which are generally open to both partners). Brisbane has Seahorse and they are a great bunch of girls (having been out with them on my visits to Qld). They will provide advice and as well go out as a group.
Meeting people & making friends with others that have the same interests helps in this journey.

Seahorse contact details are listed on this site.

Hope this helps,

Cheers,

Wendy

[Anonymous]

Thanks Wendy

As you probably gathered we’re both very new to this so I think we’re going to need all the help and assistance we can get

I’ll try the seahorse club again and see what my fiance thinks

Thanks again,
Ana

[Anonymous]

Hi Ana

Totally agree with Wendy, u will need to take baby steps to build up confidance, there are a couple of groups around Brissy who can help or maybe try a few of the TG friendly venues in the valley ie Wickham, Beat Nite club, etc. I guess to keep encouraging your partner I have found that if people stop and stare or laugh or what ever, I think to myself I am happy being who I am if u have a problem its ur problem not mine, I just smile and walk away. Keep going it does get easier with time and more time out your confidence will build and u will be able to handle situation much easier.

hugs

Rhi

[Anonymous]

Thank you so much for all your help

[Anonymous]

Hi Ana,

I have to agree with Wendy – Maccas would not be on my list to test the water. Even now I am more wary at places frequented by groups of teens although I haven’t had any problems in recent times. And I think this is partly an age thing.

However, your fiance has one big advantage – YOU as I believe it would be easier for a CD-er out there with an RG. Apart from the fact it adds to credibility – you also have someone to mind you.

You don’t really say what your fiance’s motivation is? Whether your fiance wants to pass as a female and is capable of passing as a female – or she simply wants to get out dressed the way she loves with no real intent to pass? As has been said, the first is a matter of practice and building confidence. The second is far more difficult and you’d need to be either pretty thick skinned – or stick to the night venues.

Fiona xx

[Anonymous]

Hi Ana,
I may be wrong in saying this however this is how from first going out to where i am at now i have i believe learnt a few things. Both from going out and researching webistes and great sites like this. One piece of advice i rerad once is your more likely to be spotted when your not confident in your abilty to pass so a key is to tell yourself you look fine. Of coursedressing to suit your age helps. I like my accessories bt soon leanrt i can not as yet wear necklaces. It draws attention to my adams apple. A friend advised me to wear bling in other areas to draw eyes away so i do. As genetic girls advised em I have great legs I LOVE GETTING OUT IN SHORT SKIRTS THAT DRAWS ATTENTION AWAY ALSO.
i DITCHED MY WIG FOR AWHILE HAD IT SO I COULD STYLE IT FEM WHEN jESS WENT OUT AND MAKLE WHEN THINGS NEEDED IT. i BELIEVE I PASS VERY WELL NOW YET EVEN AT TIMES WHEN I GET NERVOUS I believe it seems to be the time i may be noticed. The thibng is the more you go out the more confidence grows and im thankful for sites like trannyradio as tips and experience s are to be found here wishing you well
Jess

[Anonymous]

Hi Ana,you talked about the negative reactions that your fiancee recieved when you went out in public for the time dressed,and I can relate to how she must have felt.As someone who has been living full time as a woman for over a year now,I’ve experienced my fair share of people that stare and point,and I’ve had the odd comment spoken loud enough for me to hear,but I’ve also discovered that for every person that does say things that might hurt, there are a lot of people who will see past the obvious and choose to ignore it,and see only the real person inside,and treat you with compassion and understanding as I myself have dscovered,one case in point that after my wife and I seperated,I went to the chemist to fill out my hormone script,and the woman that served me (who has gotten to know me and knew the difficult time I was having in the initial stages of my marital breakdown),said to me that my ex had just been in there not long before I walked in and on hearing this I broke down and started crying right there in the chemist,and with that she proceeded to walk out from behind the counter and hold and comfort me until I felt o.k. again.I know that the rest of the girls T.R. could probably tell similar stories to mine,so please tell your partner not to worry too much about what others think,as time goes by and she grows in confidence and experience,you will find that less and less people will take any notice of her when she goes out dressed enfemme.Also, please realise that she will need a lot of help, support and unconditional love from you,and will need a lot of reassurance that the way you feel about her is no different than before.I know that can be hard for you to have been told by your fiancee about the way she is,but at least she has been courageous enough to be honest and upfront with you about it and not kept it a secret for too long so that you both have a proper chance to wprk through this situation before you get married,have children,etc.I,like the rest of the girls on T.R. probably do wish you all the best for the future,hugs,Cate

[Anonymous]

Firstly, Ana; I consider you extremely supportive of your partner. You said Finance and then said she. So from your first post, I assume you don’t have any hang-ups with who your partner is.

To be honest, you are extremely fortunate. Not only do you have a special person in your life who means a great deal to you. You also have a partner who can, probably, identify with a female perspective. Of course, it will be up to you if you continue to foster the identity.
If you do, you will have a truely loving partner for life. I would, boldly, state; “Your partner is probalby one of the most deep thinking and considerate person you have ever met.

Again, you must be congradulated for seeking help. Either you have trawled the web or you have spoken to someone who has pointed you to this forum.

If I consider your actions then; You must be a person who is both acceptant and quite intelligent. Not everyone would have done what you have. The two of you must love each other very much.

All of the girls have given you an very good information on how to “work” your issue with your partner and, I agree with their comments. If your partner desires to go out enfemme then, you should join a support group and go to one of the meetings / outings. If your local area is an issue, then, I’m positive, you and yours can meet someone in normal dress and arrange a more discreet one on one session at someones home. All members are extremely supportive and only want to see others fulfill their inner selves.
Alternately, if the two of you are financially able, I would suggest going interstate and meeting some other members. Your partner can go out, with you, and you can enjoy a great night, meet new people, and not have to worry about your surroundings if that is an issue with you being close to home.

I’m sure if you logged in and joined the chat forum.. Someone here can assist you with that venture.

I wish you and your partner all the best .. and hope you get the answers you seek.

Best wishes

Tina [img][/img][/i]

[Anonymous]

Hi all,

Yup, Im Ana’s partner, Its been such a long time from the maccas drive-thru,

Im now fall time, Been on hormones pretty much not longer after that drive-thru day … today i pass everyday, without even a second look ..

Oh And yes, We are still together, and have a great r/s …

Thankyou for your sweet comments girls …

[Anonymous]

Just had to add my congratulations, on having s lovely partner and being able to manage your relationship so succesfully. It can be a hell of a trip and I do wish you all the happiness.
Cheers,
Helen