how do you deal with it…….

[Anonymous]

You get support from a gender aware psych, you get support from friends you find here and elsewhere. You find inspiration from those who have trod the same path as you have and have survived (and written about it) and finally you get to realise that you can be you however you wish to define yourself.
These are not empty platitudes….all of us here have trod a difficult path one way or another….and we have all survived….and more
Gwen

[Anonymous]

Ashley, I agree wholeheartedly with Gwendoline , it sounds to me that you need to see an appropriate counsellor ASAP.
Without meaning any offence , you sound to me as though you are over sensitive to the misuse of gender pronouns and this is hurting you more than it should perhaps. Suicide is a big step to take because of ignorant and thoughtless others.
I decided, for myself long ago that if I was not tough enough to put up with the nasty insults, dumb but well meaning comments from family and stares that I sometimes have encountered , then I should stay hidden in the closet.

Sad as it is, we live among people who do not understand us and it behoves us to be upright and proud, help them to be more tolerant and understanding of difference and let them know that we are not a danger to their little lives and will not go away.
Stand tall, go and get some support and live your life.

[Anonymous]

When I was going through my transition I had to see my doctor once a month and also had to see a physc on the same day. She was great and helped me sort out any problems before they become large ones.

The only mistake I made was post op I stopped seeing a phyc and then I found myself in a world of trouble.

Through transition I was puched, kicked dragged from female toilets and beaten, was reported to the police by people that did not know me at all, but with monthly help it was like water off a ducks back because I could see my goal in front of me.

Post op I crashed because there was no longer that goal or support.

So make sure you get that pofesstional help like the other girls have suggested, it does make life a lot easier.

xxx

Kelly Jones

[Elizabeth]

Ashley,
Firstly I empathise with you and your thoughts. I’ve been there several times. I don’t know exactly how you feel, no one does, irrespective of who they are or their qualifications. We are each unique and our thoughts and feelings are unique. I am deeply concerned about you and your thoughts, they are serious thoughts and necesitate immediate action from a professional. If you were living in Canberra I would be with you all the way. I can only be with you in thought and spiritual support. My strongest qualification is my age which means I have lived with transgenderism for the last sixty years. I have professional qualifications, bits of paper which means, more or less, I have training in listening. With all that, I find life as a transgender or whatever box you are in very hard. The hardest critics in my view are family. They are the hardest because they are our nearest and loved ones. you can dismiss others, true friends hang around when the going gets tough. Being a tranny certainly lets you know who your friends are.
I think I can speak for most of TR members when I say, you are not alone. Surely it is what TR is about, support, close support. Somewhere you can turn to when the going gets tough. That is why I am a member. I need to know that I am not alone.
I suspect you are very sensitive. Being sensitive makes us susceptable to words that hurt. I implore you to consult at the minimum, a psychologist who will listen.

Contact me at any time, or someone you can trust.

Hang in there Ashley, we’re all with you.

Sincere hugs,
Liz

[Anonymous]

Hi Ashley

I read elsewhere that you are pre-op, full time and on hormones for 2 years.

That would tell me you would have had some experience? Maybe?

Firstly, for everyone that tells you that you get this all the time and just need to get a thicker skin……….. that is good for some.

While sticks and stones actually do break bones – words can be utterly devastating.

You cannot change the way others perceive you. You can ask, but you cannot “make” them.

I transitioned in the workplace and it was not easy. BUT, I had to remember that these people knew me before, held me in respect before (I hope) and any slip was purely accidental (maybe).

Yes, it does hurt. Does it make me suicidal? No. But, it cuts deeply. I am doing what is right for me. I take strength from that.

You have not indicated how long you have been full time. After 6 months or so, I found most people get the gender pronouns right – and the name after many gentle reminders.

My doctor suggested I move states so I could get away from who I was. Maybe I was brave. Maybe I was stupid. I did realise that it didn’t matter where I went – I would still be there. So, I decided to stay put, tolerate educating those who know me and not take any of the “mistakes” too personally.

If those who are refusing to acknowledge you for the “new” person you are are friends, maybe they aren’t the friends you thought they were. If they are nasty enemies, you could try to ignore them and give them the importance in your life they deserve (none).

You have not given much in the way of detail on your circumstance. Maybe counselling is the way to go? At least that way you can learn how to deal with this kind of negative feedback.

This journey is not an easy one. Anyone who thinks it is all flowers and champagne is fooling themselves. It is tough. Unfortunately, the reality is, it is tougher for some than for others.

Hold in there. It will get better. Even if it takes 50 years for it to get better – that is still 50 years that doesn’t exist for those who do end it. I fail at a lot of things. But I thank each and every day that failed several times to end it. Those days are behind me – and they will eventually be behind you too. You just need to stick around long enough to come out the other side. It will be worth it.

There really is only one way to handle it. As the song says – you gotta less the loose ends drag. You can ask, but you cannot force. Change what you can and accept what you can’t. Don’t dwell on the past and keep moving forwards. BTW – the past starts now!

[Anonymous]

Portia has said a lot of good things in her above post Ashley, it is good advice for all of us and not just yourself. You haven’t stated though Ashley as to where you are encountering these people at, is it at work or play? Work is a totally different issue than anything outside of it and that is very noticeable if you transition at your current job. Considering the others around you is very important if you want good acceptance, they need time to adjust to your changes just as much as you do. This is an important point to remember because it is work that gives you an income to pay bills and buy food etc. with.

Talk to your gp. for starters here because he/she might know of some support resources that you can draw on and have a talk with/call up the Gender Centre in Sydney but can you please let us know as to where you are having these “people issues” at? If it is a specific situation then we might have some more direct advice but we don’t have a lot to work with from what you’ve given us so far.

Chin up,
Peta A.

[Anonymous]

Hi all i just thought i stop in and say that I’m doing better now thanks, there a reason why my post does not contain much information I HATE TYPING i much prefure to talk to someone in person.

the problem that i have its at work since 10/2010 i have being working with my brother in a small busness and for the howe time he’s being calling me be my male name and using male pronones. this has being confusing people but mostly people has being thinking of me a girl up atil last week now i’m thought of a guy with a boob problem, what are they trying to do me sick.

i have spoken with my brother about how it makes me feel and mostly all i get is excuess “its to hard or its not all about you” what does that mean anyway.

If i was forced for what ever reason to go back living as a guy there would not be any reason for me to live, thats why i’m going through all this, my brother does not have the same reason as i do to do this i mean its just something his little brother (me) is going through, why should effect him but it does and will effect him, why, I’m sure he’s had talks with other people about this not all of them good and i’m sure he don’t feel good about that but there is nothing i can do this is a do or die thing i have no chose but to keep going forward until i’m fisinished or i kill myself.

The reason why i have not seeing counsellor is i can’t aforad to i get $400 a week apart from stop eating or stop paying my rent i can’t think of any way to make it last longer. i’m lucky to still have hormones, once my saving are out i won’t be able to get that either.

Thats about all i can wright for now……..

Ashley

[Anonymous]

Hi Ashley

You have a combined problem of your brother not wanting to accept that his little brother is transgendered, that you are working in a small business and also isolated from any support or understanding that you may be able to get.

Yes. It is a difficult place you are in. Struggling with finances, family acceptance and your own emotions.

Maybe, if you told your brother how badly it is affecting you that he refuses to acknowledge who you are now, even to the point of being suicidal over it, just maybe (if he really cares for you under all that macho bravado) he will stop confusing the issue for everybody.

From what you say, it seems most others can accept you for the person you are and the majority of the problem is his insistence in refusing to learn to relate to you as his sister. This is actually a good thing, because if you can get him to change, then everything else will fall into place – or at the very least, be easier to deal with.

Another option (and this may or may not suit you) is to find another job, or even move to another place completely. I would not normally recommend this action, but if the situation does become totally intolerable, then it is still preferable to ending it all.

There are some counselling services that are free. See your GP about what help there may be for you. I am sure that there are other girls on here who can recommend somewhere.

Anyway, good luck in your journey. Stay strong and don’t do anything foolish. Time heals a lot.

[Anonymous]

Hi Ashley
Have you been in contact with the Gender Centre in Sydney, I am sure that if you gave them a call they would be able to help you in some way. They get calls from Trans Girls in gaol down here wanting to continue their contact with them. Even some counselling over the phone from them would be a help to you at the moment, anything would be better than contemplating suicide.
I realise that when you are depressed it is extremely difficult to see through the fog of the things that are affecting you, but you have to try and be strong and find help any way you can.

This is an extract from the Gender Centre website I hope it encourages you to give them a call.

Counselling

The Gender Centre provides Counselling to residential clients, community clients, partners, family members and friends of people with gender issues at no cost. The counselling service also provides support and education to school counsellors as well as counsellors in rural areas.

Phone (02) 9569 2366 in Sydney /interstate during business hours 9:00am to 4:30pm Monday to Friday or
1800 069 115 outside Sydney anywhere within New South Wales during business hours 9:00am to 4:30pm Monday to Friday
Fax: (02) 9569 1176

Please call them!

Hugs Pamela

[Anonymous]

Hi Ashley
You’re going through a difficult time. Listen to Gwendoline, Christina, KJ, Liz, Portia and Peta they are experienced girls, great listeners I think and offer good advice.

The most important thing is to survive. Get it out somehow, write it down, talk on here, email other TG’s even tell your cat or whatever but get it out. Dont give in.

As I think Portia said it might be that you have to get away from your brother. Dont act hastily but do what feels right to look after yourself.

You wont necessarily escape all random comments (few of us do) but the situation with your brother does seem difficult. Have you laid it on the line to him just how much his behaviour and comments are impacting on you? Really tell him so he gets the gravity of the situation. If he cares about you then he will moderate his comments. Otherwise you maybe need to move jobs.

But talk to someone and do contact the gender centre. You can at least get another friendly ear. I’v suffered from depression for many years and I’v been where you are or similar and it does get better. Just hang in there girl.

Best wishes
Roisin x.

[Anonymous]

Quote:

why don’t you just end it all, if i can’t be me than there is no reason to live. yes i am going through suicide epeciod.

I tell people that being called a guy makes me feel suicidle and nothing they go right on calling me by male name and using the word he, him without a care in the world is if i would like that.

how does one handle this? i have being meaning to ask someone but there is no one to ask there is no comuity here im on my own.

anyway take care

Ashley

😥

Ashley,

I have twice attempted suicide, and I am here today as Michelle, living full time as Michelle and have just had some surgery and I feel great, even though I have spent the last month being told I’m a man, a freak show and other things on an hourly basis by my now ex-partner.

All I can say is see a gender aware psych and talk to them. I had nothing to live for (so I thought) now I am living in Malta owning my own home (no mortgage) and with the exception of the last month of abuse, I am having a ball.

When you hit rock bottom there is only one way to go and that’s up, I hit rock bottom about 18 months ago, and now look at me, I’m on top of the world. If you ever want anyone to talk to feel free to give me a call on 02 800 46 200 – it’s a Sydney number that is routed to my home in Malta at n extra charge, please be aware of the timezone difference though – only call me after 1pm Sydney time and no later than 5am Sydney time.

All the best girl,

Michelle

[Daniel]

One of the down sides of transgended is all the costs and fun issues like depression that go with it. Living away from the main cities can make a lot of things harder. You are not alone and every girl goes though the same things have a look at the profiles of girls and you will see there are a large number of us living in rural areas.

Maybe we need a new topic about the issues living outside the capital cities (big hint people)

First off with the cost you are covered by the Medicare safety net (http://www.medicareaustralia.gov.au/public/services/msn/index.jsp0

Its gets cheaper to see doctors the more you see them.

Also there s Australian Government’s Better Access to Psychiatrists, Psychologists and General Practitioners through the Medicare Benefits Schedule
Under the Better Access initiative, mental health care a claim can now be made for a rebate for up to 12 (18 in exceptional circumstances) individual and/or 12 group based psychological treatment sessions within a calendar year. This involves a GP, psychiatrist or paediatrician referring a consumer to a psychologist, social worker, occupational therapist or a specially trained GP. NOTE: being transgender is not a “mental illness” but things like dealing with how depress is and nothing to be afraid of.
See http://www.beyondblue.org.au/index.aspx?link_id=7.102#betteraccess
Go see your GP and get a referral

As for help see beyondblue info line
• Phone: 1300 22 4636
• Email: infoline@beyondblue.org.au
• The beyondblue info line provides access to information and referrals to relevant services for depression and anxiety related matters. You can call the info line for the cost of a local call or send an email.
• Web site http://www.beyondblue.org.au/index.aspx?link_id=107
• Gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and intersex people (GLBTI) at http://www.beyondblue.org.au/index.aspx?link_id=4.1167
•
See the guide at http://www.beyondblue.org.au/index.aspx?link_id=4.1167&tmp=FileStream&fid=1425
Relating to GBLT matters.

Also there’ Lifeline – 13 11 14.
Also you can log on to the chat room at just about anytime day or night and someone will be there.

On a personal note you will learn that part of being transgender is learning to do things you dislike or think are impossible.
Look at all the other impossible things that you have done in your life, and overcame “Problem what problem?”
Working with family can be hard at the best of times; maybe getting another job may help. If you lived in Orange or Wagga go work driving trucks, good money to sit in aircon all day listing to music!

In fact things like not like not liking writing or having no money can be turned around to help you. One of the ways to help with depression is to set goals. So try save $10.00 a week. The amount and time is not important. Also start writing how you feel each day, write anything, and write about what happened including the funny stuff. . This will help you identify clearly what’s going on plus will help any counseling you have.

NOTES:
I’m not able to spell or write haven’t been since birth, with out spell check and a lot of helpful people, this post would never be.
We all are ‘Standing on the shoulders of giants” go look it up on Wikipedia or goggle it.
Funny: I have a good work friend who will in the space of 5 sentences refer to me as she, he, she, and he her. The lady doesn’t even known she doing it and wonders why some of laugh at her.

[Kathy_1]

Ashley

There is a liferaft of us out here, we are all different and all the same, we are wanting to help, so as the other girls have said so much more elequently than I, find a counsellor that understands us a little, believe in yourself and your sisters, chat or mail some or all of us and take it one step at a time, the good times will come with the tears, but for life to be rich we need the contrast. We have a special part to play in the world, and we are valuable to ourselves and the ones we love and are loved by.

Stay a part of our special world.

Kathy

[Anonymous]

Ashley
I don’t have so much experience in life in the transgendered world but hope my story can give you a little hope. As long as there is life there is hope. Counselling and getting help from places like this will help greatly. I believe every single person on this site would do whatever they could to help you through.
My third and last failed suicide attempt was the 21st of December last year. I had no job, no income for 6 months, over $4000 a month in loan repayments and living expenses and as I was about to start transitioning (after only being “out” for 3 months) and not much prospect of getting a job. I did get some support fom my family and friends and had a great psychologist. In May (after numerous knock backs) I got a job, but it was in a very trans unfriendly environment.
It’s taken 6 months, but now everyone at work refers to me in the female gender (sure I got upset a lot at first about that, but didn’t allow that to show) and I’m slowly getting on top of my debt.
The last year has been extremely hard for me, but right now I am more content with life than I have ever been.
Lastly I’d just like to say; please get some counselling from wherever necessary, please totally put any thought about suicide right out of your mind – life can and will get much better fo you if you work on it and lastly, be a little bit patient with those around you as it is just as hard (if not harder) for them to adjust.