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How do you know what gender means?
Why do you understand what ‘gender’ means.
I’m an educated & not unintelligent person but until I started trying to better understand myself & my differences, my explanation of gender would have been that it was a synonym of Sex – Male/Female.
The fact that I did not understand the definition of gender is in part why I am now so intrigued by Gender studies. How could I not know? Why should I expect everybody else to know? What am I going to do about it?In the last 8 months I have very deliberately discussed ‘Gender’, it’s meaning & the resulting term ‘transgender’ with hundreds of people (all documented). I have found that most people will readily accept the correct definition of gender but because they have never had to consider it from a transgender perspective, until my discussions with them, they too thought of it as a synonym for sex.
It is not satisfactory that ‘we’ the gender diverse, apportion blame to those who don’t know any different. This creates & us & them scenario…another binary. All binary situations are exclusive, not inclusive. If you wish to be included you must break down the binary positioning…the us & them.
In law, ‘ignorance is no defence’. In social understanding it absolutely is & should be. People can’t support or accept something they either don’t know about or don’t understand.
I hear it argued that society won’t change in our time, rubbish! Change is gradual, ongoing & innevitable, it happens without being noticed but it doesn’t happen without effort & often sacrifice.
Choose any era of history, any country, culture, race, religion or creed & change is evident. In fact you cannot prevent change. You can however choose not to participate.
I am interested to know how & when you came to understand the ‘definition’ of Gender. I am not asking how long have you had feelings of gender variance but rather did you actually know what Gender meant.
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10 Replies
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I first had my “consciousness raising” experience with respect to gender when I read Gender Outlaw by Kate Bornstein. http://www.amazon.com/Gender-Outlaw-Men-Women-Rest/dp/0679757015 That book still resonates with me, even though it was first published in the ’90’s. I go back to it time and again.
Cheers,
Simone.
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I can’t pinpoint the day that I became aware of the difference between sex and gender.
The whole concept of gender has been a recent realisation within me but it has also been a very gradual process. I used to think that I was a cross-dresser untill I found out about Transgendered people. Working in the prison system gave me my first exposure to TG People. It was an eye opening experience for me as I worked in the reception area of the gaol and had to strip search all the new inmates that entered the gaol. You can imagine my surprise at finding an inmate with a perfect pair of breasts and a penis. Rules have changed since then and the TG inmates can now have a woman strip search them, so now instead of being embarrassing for the inmate it’s embarrassing for the female officers.
After this revelation I started to do some research, on the then infant internet and books available at the gaol (Polare etc). The whole exercise provided me with a lot of insight into my own situation, and allowed me to come to terms with who I am with a gradual and mentally smooth transition. I am now comfortable with who I am, a Gender Diverse Person.
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Gender:
Late middle English, French old french gendre (modern genre), based on Latin genus ‘birth, family, nation’. The earliest meanings were ‘kind sort, genus, and a type or class.
The word gender has been used since the 14th century as a grammatical term, referring to classes of noun designated as masculine, feminine or neuter in some languages. The sense ‘the sense of being male or female’ has also been used since the 14th century. This didn’t become common until the mid twentieth century. Although the word gender and sex both have a sense of ‘the state of being male or female, they are used in slightly different ways; sex tends to refer to biological differences, while gender refers to cultural or social ones. (Oxford Dictionary’.I came across the differences some time ago reading Virginia Prince, ‘sex is between the legs and gender is between the ears’. I wonder if that definition ought to be in the Oxford Dictionary?
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Quote:how & when did you to understand the ‘definition’ of Gender?.An easy one for a change!
And the quick answer is….
I don’t understand the definition of gender because I came to understand there are many definitions. The meaning of gender clearly depends on what field of human endeavour you are currently engaged in, what culture you are part of, and of course what language you use.The longer answer
Like Liz I learned about gender at the same time as I struggled with European languages in school. It just seemed so illogical that a street was feminine but a path masculine. But it introduced me to gender as distinguishing between masculine and feminine.
Then I discovered that for many people gender was the same thing as sex…and it didn’t matter whether the survey question said Sex or gender they just wanted you to tick a Male or Female box.
Of course I sometimes paused to consider which box to tick… but that was because of a confusion about my identity not because of the use of the word gender. In its common use gender has the characteristics of sex – male or female.
But gender is a word that is owned and used variously by a lot of people to describe physical, mental, behavioural or linguistic characteristics . So it would be presumptuous of me to claim I understood THE definition.
And a slightly off topic answer
Can i wander slightly off topic? Because just as sex and gender are used interchangeably by many, so are gender and gender identity.
I do understand that adding the word “identity” creates a new concept and one that I have more use for. Adding the word “identity” doesn’t change the plurality of meanings for “gender”, but it does open up the prospect of something that is not bound to being either male or female.
I knew about “Gender identity Disorder” as a mental disease over 10 years ago but had no use for it as I wasn’t sick. But Gender identity now seems to have cropped up again in a more useful form in the last couple of years. Most recently in the drafting of anti-discrimination legislation.
To misquote Virginia somewhat “gender can be between the legs but gender identity is always between the ears”
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The understanding of the definition GENDER. Hmmm! The understanding of this word is on going in truth and the definition is some way behind. It is always a matter of your context at a moment in time when you think about it so I would say at this moment , there are two bottles of gender they are mixed in a glass to created an infinite cocktail of gender strengths , we each are a cocktail we each are a one off.
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“I am interested to know how & when you came to understand the ‘definition’ of Gender.”
I did not know the answer to this one before I started to transition because my understanding grew from discussions with others on a similar path. Prior to that, I understood the differences between men and women and didn’t give any consideration to the “gender” question.
When I was young, I had no idea about “gender variance”. I knew there were “boys” and “girls”. When I grew into my teens and did a lot of reading, I discovered there were “boys” who became “girls” and that there were a lot of issues involved with that. Psychiatrists were very keen to stop this sort of thing from happening and “medical treatment” was far from pleasant. I “knew” that “boys who became girls” were not accepted by society and they would be attracted to men who would usually treat them badly because they were something less than “real” women. I did also know that I felt very strongly that I wanted to be female, but my fear of the consequences was far greater.
So, I knew that “sex” meant male or female or the interaction between the two. My understanding of “gender” was that it meant the same as “sex”. And gender was a solid, easily defined thing – male OR female. A lack of meant neuter or a combination of both was a hermaphrodite. Simple and uneducated.
I did not ever consider gender as being something different to sex until I began exploring the question of “why” I was crossdressing. I discovered the “why” as being my gender identity was actually female, even though my sex identity was male – something which had never felt comfortable.
So, I am very patient with those who are curious as to the complexities of being transgendered. I can understand that for those whose gender identity and sexual identity correspond, it isn’t important for them to understand the difference between the two. It seems to matter most to those who have a vested interest.
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Thanks for the replies so far.
I am deviating from the initial question…but not my reason for asking it. I’d like to explore Portia’s comment a bit further, she wrote;
Quote:So, I am very patient with those who are curious as to the complexities of being transgendered. I can understand that for those whose gender identity and sexual identity correspond, it isn’t important for them to understand the difference between the two. It seems to matter most to those who have a vested interest.I agree, it is generally those of us who identify an incongruence that ‘search’ & hopefully come to understand more thoroughly.
It appears that our discomfort comes from two angles;
1. our own feelings of incongruence.
2. the fact that our society does not (generally) recognise that ‘we’ may feel differently to them.With a twofold issue there needs to be a twofold approach;
1. educate ourselves & come to accept who we are.
2. educate those who have no direct personal need to understand…because their combined lack of understanding leads to our feeling at odds with our societies expectations of gender identity.I think the fact that others don’t need to think about gender diversity is our main limitation in being understood.
I know that seems very obvious but it follows therefore that the obvious thing to do is tell them about gender diversity.
They are not enquiring because they have no need. We have the need, so we must take responsibility & provide the information to society.
The teacher arrives when the student is ready. My experiences over the last 8 months leads me to believe the student is ready…& more willing to listen than many seem to imagine.Please feel free to reply to this extension of the theme.
The initial question still remains; I am interested to know how & when you came to understand the ‘definition’ of Gender. -
I have refrained from contributing to this discussion until now because when I first went to do so I realised that I’m not sure I actually do ‘understand’ gender, as it relates to me.
Like most others my initial ‘understanding’ was that sex and gender were synonymous and for many years I simply believed that my cross dressing was a form of imagined transition of the divide. When I began to study French I grappled with the concept that inanimate objects could have a gender when they clearly had no sexual characteristics. To be honest I think at the time I just accepted that they were assigned a gender and got on with the study. Later study of the Russian language, long after I’d accepted that I was a cross dresser, didn’t clarify matters. At that time though I also had no concept of being ‘gender diverse’; I still thought in binary terms. As I now know, however, that’s part of why I felt such shame and guilt because I knew I didn’t fit the binary.
In a pure physiological and anatomical sense “gender is between the ears” because the brain controls who we are. On a more emotive level however I like to think that, because of my understanding of why I cross dress, for me gender is not “between the ears” but comes from the heart because it’s how I feel. How that equates to anyone else’s understanding of gender I am not sure.
Whether I will ever truly reach a point where I can say I understand fully why I feel like I do is another matter.
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This may be taking things a little of course, but please tolerate me…
I did horticultural studies for a few years and quickly learnt that there were two ways of propagating plants. One was replication which used mitosis (your progeny were clones as in assexual) the second and more interesting used meieosis (sp?) which was the sexual method of reproduction which, combined the genes of both the male and female parts and their progeny was a combination of both. That is the case in Human reproduction. In plants the variance is wide and if that variance produces differing results, then it follows that a form of meieosis, as in human reproduction, may follow.
That being the case, then there will be gender differences and as meieosis is not an exact science (look at what nature has done with variation of species and sub-species) then there may be a merging of genes within the human species which may account for the differing genders within the human race.
That, if true, would account for the mixed genders within our society and because of ‘quirks’ in nature there is no longer a a defined Male-Female population and transgenderism or a mid way gene is and alsways has been part of society. To my mind, as society has become more relaxed this mid gender has become less hidden.
Please excuse my ramblings, they were written as they came to mind, but consider that because we came from two separate entities, sperm and egg, and because dominant genes took over, then our genetic mixup will control our gender, and the gender may differ from the external sex.
Helen
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Thank you for all the replies, they are all valuable in their own way. Could I ask though that respondents stick with the question, which was:
I am interested to know how & when you came to understand the ‘definition’ of Gender.The context is that of us being transgender or gender diverse, so the question is about how & when you came to understand ‘gender’ in regard to human gender.
(I’m trying to explore some possible reasons why Gender diversity is problematic in society…but that will be a subsequent thread).
