-
How far we have come when the SMH has an explainer like this:
Why do gender pronouns matter and how do you use them?
An article published in the Sydney Morning Herald
Written by Sherryn Groch
Published December 10th 2020What pronouns do people use and why? What do grammar hawks say about the singular ‘they’? And is it rude to ask people if they go by ‘he’ or ‘she’ or ‘they’ – or ‘ze’?
Quote:For words that say so much about us, we probably think about them very little. Gender pronouns, the “he” or “she” in a sentence, are almost invisible in everyday English and yet they carry an important piece of our identity.When Elliot Page, the actor of Juno and Umbrella Academy fame, came out as transgender in December, he told the world his pronouns were “he” or “they”. In 2019, singer Sam Smith announced they were non-binary, meaning they do not identify as explicitly male or female – the neutral “they” is the right pronoun for them.
As our understanding of gender has expanded beyond anatomy (and pink and blue baby clothes), pronoun etiquette has become increasingly front of mind. It’s no longer unusual to see pronouns listed beside contact details in email signatures and Twitter bios. Some universities invite new students to share their pronouns when telling the class “a little about themselves”.
Researcher and writer Quinn Eades recalls explaining his own transition from female to male to his two young children. “So you’ll still be mama, just a boy mama?” They asked him. “Exactly,” he said. And he is.
But the new pronoun normal has also sparked a wave of backlash – and lots of confusion – in the public arena. Many are just terrified of getting it all wrong.
So how are pronouns changing, why do they matter and how do we use them respectfully?
What pronouns do people use and why?
Quote:If you bumped into Melbourne fashion stylist Deni Todorovic at a party, they might say: “Hi, I’m Deni, my pronouns are they/them/theirs. Did you watch the footy last night?”If you wanted to introduce Deni to someone else, you might say: “Have you met Deni? They LOVE footy!”
It’s not a big change, dropping the traditional he or she, but it makes a big difference, Todorovic explains. “When I came out as non-binary or gender-non-conforming, I didn’t change my pronouns right away. I was scared to let go of that last chord of masculinity, I guess. But I’m not completely male or female, I live in the space between so it makes sense to use ‘they’. That feels like me.”
“They” and even brand new gender-neutral pronouns such as “ze” and “hir” can be used in place of a male or female designation, for people who “don’t fit into the two boxes on forms”, Eades says, and sometimes those who wish to actively avoid being classified by gender altogether.
It’s not unlike the way “Ms” found its way into the lexicon to avoid women being either listed as married (Mrs) or single (Miss).
At other times, someone “coming out” as trans such as Elliot Page will move to the pronouns that reflect their identity.
When Teddy Cook of LGBTQ health organisation ACON affirmed his own gender as male 15 years ago, he didn’t have any language to help him. “I’m actually a twin but I was the only trans person I knew then, that’s so often the case.”
Gender, he says, is largely a presumption made by those around you at birth based on “what’s in your pants”, your genitals (known as your sex). “Most people agree with that presumption, they identify with that gender.”
Usually these people, known as cisgender people, also present to the world in a male or female way, in line with their gender and sex, so they don’t declare their pronouns whenever they enter a room. People just tend to guess right.
“But there have always been some of us who don’t identify with what we’re assigned at birth,” Cook says.
This gender diversity has already been a part of the language and culture of Indigenous nations around the world for millennia, he says. “Think of the [term] ‘Sistergirls’ [used in many Aboriginal cultures for trans women] and ‘two-spirit’ for non-binary people in Native American [nations].”
Some people may not connect with the transgender term at all or may be living “stealth”, keeping their transition private. Others might use “rolling pronouns” meaning “they” might feel as comfortable as “he”.
Eades, who identifies more as trans masculine than a trans man, goes mostly by “he” but doesn’t mind being called “they” either. So long as it’s not “sir” or “buddy” or “champ”. “I don’t like all those masculine ways men hail each other. I never got called chief or boss before I transitioned.”
Why does it matter what we use?
Quote:When pronouns don’t match our gender identity, it can be disruptive, even dangerous. The deliberate “misgendering” or “dead-naming” of trans or genderdiverse people (using the wrong pronoun or their original name) has been linked to spikes in mental health concerns, including suicide. This is a vulnerable community already much more likely than the general population to face violence and bullying, to be murdered or suffer from conditions such as depression.“But when people get [your pronouns] right it’s so affirming, it’s hard to describe how it feels,” Cook says.
“This isn’t about political correctness or snowflakes. Imagine if someone relentlessly called you by the wrong name or gender – even just for one day.”
Because pronouns speak to our identity, they are inherently bound up in emotion, Todorovic adds. “My parents still struggle to use my pronouns, they don’t want to let go of their son. It’s really personal, it’s about family relationships, too. But that’s exactly why we need to get them right. For the same reason, if I know your name is Sherryn, I would feel bad if I called you Sharon.”
-
1 Reply
-
I haven’t written in either the forum or a blog for quite some time, however this stirred the loins a little.
I have a T shirt with the front wording SHE HER HERS. I could never understand either, they or ZE, I find it totally confusing to say the least, but then I’m jogging on well into my eighties so I’m ancient and probably out of touch. I’ve always said call me by whatever except ‘Hey You’
I’m not surprised how the cis gender public feels or reacts. And of course the media generally have no idea what they’re talking about.