How to be a girl

[Anonymous]

We are all learning as we go Sara, wether we are boys girls or transgender. The only true time we stop is just after we draw our last breath, even then we may still go on learning from there who knows. I can only say that, that young girl has a sense of self that some who are much older are still searching for. Her mother should be applauded for being as understanding of her child as she clearly is, she will have a child that despite most probably having to endure some rough times will grow up happy and healthy and valuing her own life because of the support from her parents

[Anonymous]

It seems to me that, in society’s eyes and others eyes the “gender Gap ” is narrowing in terms of behaviour ,dress ,careers etc so that there is a definite overlap or blurring of the genders .So I ask the question ‘ what are the differences between “male ” and “female” other than the physical ones ? Will we wind up with a society where genderless appearance prevails – not in terms of everyone wearing “overalls” ( or similar ) as in Maos China ,but where there exists the full spectrum of appearance from Mao type clothes through to the girlly dresses, make up etc that used to be used to denote gender in the (thankfully) past ? Likewise for behaviour – will it be full spectrum ?

[Elizabeth]

How to be a girl? Should the question be How to be a Human Being? I am of the opinion that perhaps too many are hung up on presenting as a frilly, girly, dolly bird. Nice if you can get it, and that is what you want and expect. Very few M2F transgender folk look like a dainty, raving beauty ready to grace the pages of Vogue magazine. Most would be quite happy to look something like a bird, or a facsimile of someone who had at the very least made a supreme effort. We, as a community would be more readily accepted should we shine as caring, helping and nurturing human beings, irrespective of what we wear, or present as. I consider that the human beings that ‘stand out’ as people who are exceptional do not talk about their efforts, but rely more on their actions and their outstanding contributions to our society as a whole. Often those people are rewarded with ‘gongs’ from government or other segments of society. As an example ‘Fred Hollows’. Not everyone is an outstanding surgeon, but it isn’t necessary to be one, it’s about what you can contribute as a whole. If Fred Hollows had been transgender he would still have been a National Treasure. Instead of focussing on excessive makeup, the most flattering of hair styles, the latest in Everest heels, perhaps we might consider doing what we are best at, and we all have something to contribute. Men, women, or perhaps just being human is the way to go?

[Veronica]

Excellent response Liz, and this doesn’t just apply to oneself. Too often I see transgender people restricting virtual friends or potential tangible friends/lovers to those with “credible/passable female appearance”. In my albeit limited experience the best virtual and tangible friends I’ve met from the transgender community have been real, thoughtful human beings, some of whom neither can, nor wish, to be a real girl/feminine/passable etc. It’s character that counts in the end.

V x x

[Catherine]

How about we go right back to tours and rename this thread, “How To Be ME!!!! and lets work out of there and see what happens. May sound funny and somewhat light hearted, however how many people do you know that don’t even know who they are; what they represent, what they stand for?

How many people are out there who are pretending to be someone they are not?

Lets strip everything back to the bare boards and start from there. No socialite expectations,no societal norms, no societal unrealistic expression of presentation. All pressure OFF!! Define who or what it is who “ME” is and go forward from there, minding each others business and simply moving forward, to where ever that is

Merry Christmas
Catherine

[Melissa]

“How to be a Girl”

Is the title of the podcast that the original topic related too. I notice the discussion has gone away from that greatly. I have listened to all the available podcasts and find them interesting and also alarming with the current status in some US states. I also feel there is little for me to learn from this apart from an admiration for the mother of this young girl.

[Anonymous]

I am getting a lot out of these podcasts.

“How to be a girl” offers a lot of insight into the nature of transgenderism. The mother was supportive of her son being outwardly a girl, having long girlish hair, enjoying pink, playing with dolls, wearing dresses and skirt but her daughter knew she was a girl not a boy. When the mother sort to persuade her daughter otherwise both were unhappy, when acceptance came they were much happier. Yet the mother was left grieving for a son who had gone.

“sometimes I look at photos of my baby boy and i miss him so much this probably sounds crazy but I sometimes wonder where he is. It is like he was a dream I had one night and morning came and I woke up and he was gone and now there is this little girl in his place telling me that the little boy was just a dream. Just someone I had imagined as far as she is concerned there never was a boy”

Gender is a deeply person issue but it is also a social interaction.

Play Date offers insight into needing to “hang out with people just like you” and dealing with a transgender life and of course what swim suit to wear.

My Friend Lauren a historical perspective

The Facts (about transgender kids) offers insight into “bunk” and the need for real research.

That is as far as I have got.

[Melissa]

I have listened to all available.

I was deeply moved by the latest one (I think) where the mum is talking about when to explain to her daughter that becoming a mum for her is a very different prospect. I think it is something that I am glad that I had my children before I transitioned, though it did mean a long time of not understanding why I couldn’t be happy.

Mel

[Elizabeth]

Oh dear, mum poses more questions than answers, questions I have endeavoured to answer much of my life. What is a girl? What is a woman? How do girls think? how do women think and the birth to a boy, who eventually displays the mind set of a girl, mum and dad are devastated, we’ve lost our son or vice versa, so what? they have a child, a loving and beautiful child. As a father of both a girl and a boy (read that as woman and man) I love both equally, despite both have their own differences between the working brains of males and females? As I have said previously, I believe we need to drop the male and female notion and consider everyone as human. In other words there are no two specific variations of humanity, male a female but cast everyone as human releases the variations and more importantly, the societal created divisions between the genders. Male and female personalities; they’re both human, equally capable, equally loving, equally caring. So mum has lost her son and gained a daughter, she still has her child. I firmly believe having this division of gender is the root of all transgender challenges. You wear what? you want what? Just think, all the differences are man made (as in human). My better half wear trousers all the time, rarely skirts or dresses, woe betide me for wanting to wear a dress or skirt; why the differentiation? Of course the real difference is embedded deep within the brain, I believe it’s call transgender; it goes against God’s will, it’s Satan taking over, it’s evil, horror upon horrors. When will all these lovely people finally accept variations in the human being are part of the natural order, and need to be accepted. No, I’m not sad for the mother or father, get over it, it’s just how it is.

[Anonymous]

What I like about these podcasts is this mother with great sensitivity is telling it how it is for her and her daughter.
I think the podcast “My Friend Lauren” offer a lot on insight into the challengers of being transgender from the perspective of Lauren a 60+ transgender women. She discuss the transition programs that where available to her and how all of them believed in “Stealth”.
“The philosophy was you could only be successful if you live your life as a women and you don’t tell other people”
Lauren goes on to explain:
“I come from to some degree the old school meaning the transgender before there was Transgender. It is my view and I may be vastly different to other transgender people but I don’t want to stand out. I have always wanted, even when I was very small and I was being beaten up when I was a boy because I did not fit in; now as a transgender person the very thing I want is to fit in. I just want to be seen as another female face in the crowd. Accepted as a nice person, accepted as a good worker. It is important to understand I am not and I emphasis that word not ashamed of being transgender. To certain people once they know they treat you differently.”
What I find interesting here is that in the podcast “Play Date”. The mother discusses with a father of a transgender daughter the need to plan careful the choice of a bathing costume their daughters can wear to the pool. A normal bikini bottom or one piece swimming costume would not be appropriate as the costume would reveal their daughter’s crouches was not smooth. Both the father and mother discuss how only their close family circle know that their daughters are transgender and both are aware that if other parents knew that their daughters were transgender some of these parents would forbid further contact with their daughters.
I guess this is the modern day “stealth” and that this emphasis the importance of passing.
Yes it would be wonderful if we lived in a world that people could accept diversity but we don’t and I am just saying that this is “how it is”.
In the US about 27% of the eligible voters just voted in Donald Trump who has as a part of his election platform to over turn the high court decision Roe v Wade on abortion. If women rights are going to be turn back in this way who will be next, gay men, transgender people …
There is a reason why historically gay and lesbian people hid in our communities and did not come out; why transgender people adopted stealth. Discrimination can make a persons life hell and that will be from the good people who are articulate, the good people who are not articulate tend to use physical force to make their point.