-
HRT/Surgery – to have or not to have
This article has been written by a transman, but I believe what he’s written is very relevant for those contemplating or undergoing transition.
Transman And Contributing Columnist Levi Cristopher Murray Speaks About Setting Your Own Goals In Transition
I have recently witnessed first hand, the pressuring of transmen by transmen and others to follow the cookie cutter type style of medical and surgical treatment to conform their bodies to that closest to a biological male and this disturbs me.
I think the stress and trauma of being forced to live an inaccurate gender role for a period of time kind of robs us of the natural ability to think, interact and live as a male without experiencing a great deal of insecurity and anxiety. As a result of this I think we tend to lack healthy ideas and expectations of where exactly we as individuals truly fit in on the scale of masculinity.
I know that there have been times when circumstances allowed me to easily be sucked into a way of thinking that made me feel that transition was an all or nothing type of deal, only to realize that wasn’t the case at all.
I had to become comfortable and confident with myself in a way that was more sincere then I had ever been able to before and it was then and only then that I could fully believe that I was already a man. A burden was lifted and I came to realize that having a penis and lacking the genetic female bits would make me no more of a man then I already was.
That for me was when a true life of freedom began. I took a stance and vowed to never again try and shape my mind or body into something simply because society demands a set criteria be met.
I have had many people laugh in my face, taunt and judge me for having these beliefs and opinions but at nearly 7 yrs into HRT, non-op and living the life of a male without any difficulty fitting in with the rest of the males in the world undetected; it’s pretty clear that I got the last laugh isn’t it?
I guess the message I am trying to get across is this. Each one of us is very different. We all have different needs, goals and expectations to match our own unique situation. While a whole lot of us have the ability and desire to do all that can be done surgically, there are many of us who aren’t willing or able to go that far.
At the end of each day I have only 2 people to answer to; myself and God. I owed it to myself and my God to do no more then I absolutely had to do to reveal the man that I had always been and no less then what was necessary to be happy and confident walking amongst other men in the world.
Each of you owe it to yourself to be who you are, without pressuring or forcing yourselves to try and meet or exceed any one unspoken criteria set forth by a society that is so hung up on inaccurate stereotypes.
Hasn’t life been hard enough? Haven’t we each been forced to jump through enough hoops just to be able to be the men we have been all along?
You owe society nothing but you owe your true self; that little boy inside you that begs to be freed from the prison he’s been trapped in his whole life; That is who you owe. Each of you are worth more then that. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone. Just be yourself and you will be doing yourself and the rest of the world a huge favor.
If that means following the traditional course of treatment for transmen then by all means do the best you can to go all the way with it, but please don’t put more pressure on yourselves then already exists by feeling any less then a man should you happen to choose not to undergo surgical intervention, or because you’re unable to for medical or financial reasons.
We are who we are with or without surgery or hormones. Surgery and hormones only help by making the physical body more closely resemble our internal feelings, so if a guy is able to feel completely comfortable without undergoing surgical or hormonal intervention who am I to judge? The whole point of transition is to take the steps needed to step out of an inaccurate gender role and into the one that reflects the true nature of who we are. The steps needed to do so are different for each and every one of us.
If a trans guy is comfortable and confident without surgical or hormonal treatment then he is really blessed and I personally will play no part in trying to belittle his male status. For me to do so would only prove just how unsuccessful my own transition experience has been, otherwise why else would I be so threatened by the transman who opted to take a different path on his journey?
This process is difficult enough without facing criticism from each other and I think we all owe it to ourselves and each other to try to be as respectful and supportive of each other’s choices as we can.
http://www.tglife.com/Columns/column61_Getting_Real_With_Being_You!.html
Those who know me may have hear me voice the belief that ‘nothing is compulsory’ & ‘it’s not a race’. It’s about how we live.
Blessings
-
10 Replies
-
Christina, this is a brilliant article and I’m glad that you have posted it. I have heard you say those words as you said at the end and yes, this article sums up my life completely. Transition is not a race and it was never intended to be for anyone. Surgery time will come for me one day and that time will be the right time, not as soon as I legally can or anything like that and that is what will make it worthwhile, not doing it under pressure. All of the other aspects of my life have been changed but an operation only gives me a “f” on my birth certificate, nothing more and nothing less. One day I will have that “f” because it’s who I really am inside, that I know and in the meantime yes, I AM truly happy and that’s what we all should be regardless of the length of our journey in life.
Peta A.
-
Thank you Christina for this posting.
Initially, I think we all fall into the all-or-nothing mentality whilst we are considering all the alternatives. It’s at that time – early in transition – when we can fall prey to those who are already of the mindset that the “body” must be changed to conform with the “mind” or else you are not genuine in your values.
I have a close friend who believes (GG) that you cannot be a woman if you have a penis, or vice-versa. It is a very powerful and logical argument and one that is commonly held even within this community.
However, having been living full time as a female for 7 months, i am tending to agree with Levi. The pressure to have surgery is coming from those within this community and those who know my past outside of it. It is peer pressure of a sort. “Are you getting surgery?” or even “Have you had “the” surgery?” are almost the standard questions when you transition. In a round about way, it feels like you have to have surgery to be accepted as a complete person in your chosen gender and not just a question out of curiosity. It is a very personal question, not unlike asking a female friend if she has her period?
Like some others, I am shying away from surgery because I am at a high risk of serious complications and then there is the financial cost. So now, when I say that surgery is unlikely, the response is sometimes not unlike if I had announced that I have some contagious disease.
I am happy in my new life and I am not seeing that there will be any major benefits to going down the surgery path. I am accepted as a woman by those around me, even those who knew me before. If I decided to take the risks to have surgery later, it will be because I want to and not because I have felt pressured to do it.
Strength and hope to us all.
Portia
-
I totally agree with Portia , but on this issue i do. As i progress to looking as female as i can i know that surgery is out of the question, so i have to work around my male life to be as female as i can be. My mindset really pushes me to do more to be or look more female. Of course that raises other issues but thats not for this particular forum. Bronwyn
-
I couldn’t agree more with this either. I have had SRS but it was my decision based on what was important to me. Personally I fully recognise and respect every transpersons right to be their true selves, wherever this is on the gender spectrum. For those transwoman transitioning you MUST do it at your own pace, within your own comfort zones ( as much as any of us can find a comfort zone) , fully expressing what YOU want. Anything other than that is just wrong. And if you don’t want surgery, and you’re happy, well that’s fine too and anyone who tells you otherwise should be told where to get off.
Gwen
-
Thanks for the positive feedback.
I took 11 years before genital surgery. It was something I wanted, but equally, I was ready, and I’ve never felt the least regret. In the late 80s I was ‘ready’, but. It wasn’t about doubting what I wanted to do. I never took a backward step. There was still no internet then, so information to allow “informed choice” was limited and often very technical. The pressures to conform & fit someone elses definitions, especially from the medical fraternity.
The ‘dream’ was to go to Cassablanca, but in the end, I made do with Burwood (Sydney).
Most important is we support each other, and respect the choices we each make.
Arohanui
-
Dear friends,
Thank you for all the above, it reminds me of something a psychologist said to me again and again: “Don’t be impatient. Take baby steps, enjoy each tiny part of the journey”
Personally, I’m finding that every day brings some joyful thing, and I believe that this amazing trip will find its own course and time.
Love Clare
-
Hi.
Portia,
Has your friend seen or know of one who is intersexed.
Because if not then she has not meet me & my intersexed friends & if she does she may just have to change her mind , because we are all different,
…noeleena…
-
Quote:Has your friend seen or know of one who is intersexed.
Hi Noeleena
I don’t believe she does. I do know that I am not the first TG person she has had dealings with. But, then again, she has issues with other groups of people as well. I am not out to change the beliefs of others but if their beliefs change through me being who I am, well, all the better.
My, things have changed since I posted my comment above. In 5 weeks I will have had my surgery all going well. Surgery for me became an option when I got past all of the obstacles, health, finance, desire to change.
The one thing that has lead to this point was that I took the journey and each decision along the way one tiny step at a time. Each time it felt right, I took another. And then another. Every obstacle was measured and graded according to what would be required to overcome it.
I was happy living as a woman who had a penis until I found myself attracted to men. And that attraction was as a woman for a man. Then the picture was not right in my own head, let alone in theirs. So surgery became a goal for me which I am slowly attaining.
My preference was always to have “girl bits” but having already been equipped with “boy bits” I made the best of what I had. And the fact that I could live and be accepted as a woman was the crowning achievement for me. The crunch really came when it came to being in a close physical relationship and I found I could not accept what nature gave me any more.
The pressure to change came from within. That is where it needs to come from. Not from anyone else.
I stopped living as a “man” because of my own needs. I am having surgery because “I” need to. No one has influenced my decision except me. The simple fact is that I was always going to go down the surgery path once every obstacle, every hindrance, every false belief I held was removed.
Places like this are good “therapy” and help people to explore what it is that they are looking for. I would like to thank those who put up with my tanties, offered advice, challenged my beliefs. I would also like to congratulate those who are comfortable in who they are or in the process of becoming the person they wish to be.
Acts and deeds are the measure of a person, not what clothes they wear. How we present ourselves to the world is just an expression of who we are – it is not the essence of our being.
-
Quote:Acts and deeds are the measure of a person, not what clothes they wear.
I firmly believe this too, but I am sure that many TgR members (maybe I’m wrong), this is an important aspect of their being. To me, clothing, make up, jewellery are just trappings and do not necessarily make anyone more female. But that’s me.
-
Quote:Quote:Acts and deeds are the measure of a person, not what clothes they wear.I firmly believe this too, but I am sure that to many TgR members (maybe I’m wrong), this is an important aspect of their being. To me, clothing, make up, jewellery are just trappings and do not necessarily make anyone more female. But that’s me.
I feel a survey question coming on!!!
