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Is it so hard?
I really wonder what goes on in some guy’s heads.
Clearly I have some insight into the male mind but whether it is because of my dominant feminine characteristics, or whether I just don’t see things the way a lot of men seem too, I have far less comprehension of the male psyche than what my genetics would have you believe.
I belong to a few loosely named “dating sites’ for people who are looking for less than a committed relationship (I think I worded that very well!). In my profile(s) I state in a very detailed and clear manner what, and what I am not, looking for. At the top-of-the-list of what I am definitely not looking for is single or married men. Many of you I know are more than happy to swing on the arm of a guy out on a date and all the very best to you for that but it just doesn’t do it for me and never has. I have been out on dates with men as recently as last year when a charming man took me out to dinner (quite an expensive one too) and then to his Bridge Club (I kid you not) to introduce me to his friends (??!!). He had pestered me, in a very polite and respectful way I should add, for months for me to accept a dinner invitation from him and despite my protestations that things could never work “romantically” between us he eventually wore me down. It was a nice, and occasionally baffling, evening and I returned home with my virtue intact but in the normal course of events it is not my thing.
I’ve never liked labels but when pressed to describe myself I tend to say that “romantically” I am very Trans-lesbian…that is I am attracted to other girls like myself. There is nothing unusual about that within our lifestyle but it is generally left unsaid. I’ve often found it a touch amusing that a trannie who does what she does to present as a woman and all that that entails both physically and emotionally stops short often in declaring her sexual predilections, whatever they may be. Often some sort of knowing universal code is employed to subtly get the message across that she may not be adverse to some girl-on-girl action and, if I’m really honest, I too will use that ploy when describing myself on more mainstream platforms. Ours has been a shared history of secret upon secret upon secret so I guess that habit can be hard to shake or perhaps we fear public admonishment from yet another possible angle so it ends up easier to just avoid it. On the more raw sites I spell it out.
The other thing that has always puzzled me is the behaviour of genetic women, and particularly young women, around us when a bunch of us are out on the town. There are some places we do not go as often any more as we are mobbed. On one particular Saturday night a few months back we had to call a halt to proceedings after about the 30th posed group photo was taken and a night does not go by when we are not latched onto by women and often propositioned by them. There is a curious irony to this as they are the same women who would not look at us sideways in drab yet when dressed they are all over us like a bad suit. Without exception they assume at the start that we are all completely gay old queens but after a few drinks the offers start appearing. I am rarely stuck for words as you know but I have been left a little slack jawed at the detailed and enthusiastically presented offers that are whispered in the dark corners of nightclubs. Unlike with Mr Bridge Club Man I often accept these offers which I guess makes me a bit of a hypocrite – among so many faults I am happy to wear that one also.
So back to men: Despite everything I write, say, and do, I still get a lot of men messaging me on these dating sites who either have not read my profile at all or have ignored it in their fervent belief that I could not resist their charms. I had a brief exchange with a chap today which went exactly like this:
Bloke: “Don’t want to say much. Just want sex xxx”
Me: “Thank you for your interest but I don’t think we’d be suited”
Bloke: “So what does a bloke have to do to get a root in this town?”
…and yet another from last Friday:
Bloke: “Check out my ****”
Me: “Thank you very much for your interest but I don’t think we’d be suited”
Bloke: “Why not?”
Me: “If you had read my profile clearly you would see that I am not looking for single men”
Bloke: “**** you”And they say that romance is dead?
Are these men so morally bankrupt that they cannot comprehend a polite rejection or do they, as I suspect, think that because of how we are that we are all “screaming for it” and will take on all comers? I have never experienced any of that sort of carry on with my own kind and never expect to but I’d be interested to hear what others have endured. It would be nice to know that the girls who are interested solely in male company have had a more pleasant journey than I suspect they have. We all have an expectation that we are treated respectfully at a restaurant or on the train yet we so often cop a load of old bollocks in the online world….or am I out of step? -
6 Replies
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and you havent mentioned the really nice pics resplendent in their work fluro jackets…lol
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Oh yes silly me….or the ones where they are holding a large fish.
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Get the same Emma. Not everyone is rude as the examples you gave. Like you I am not interested in men. Especially the ones with pics of them holding something their own “fish” and nothing else. I am not able to fathom the average male mind. There is a song by Of Montreal called It’s different for girls that sums up what I think about this. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7_WDugKPnlk
Juliette xxo -
Some men are gentlemen; most are not. I have no hesitation in obliterating the worst kind from Facebook and Flickr; they are just a waste of time, driven by their dicks and intellectually lacking. One guy wrote to me on Flickr telling me how beautiful and sexy I am. I told him that the book is a lot worse than the cover as I am 70 years old and really not interested in that “sort of thing” any more. Never heard from him again ha ha! In any case, I have always been strictly heterosexual and never had any interest in exploring further.
One time, staying at a Bangkok Airport hotel the night before flying to Sydney, I dressed for dinner, an awful buffet thing, and as I was finishing my plate of food, a guy came to my table and asked if I would have a drink with him. I replied with a firm “No thank you!”, which was perhaps a bit too firm as he had been very polite in his request. But I was flattered.
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Hi Emma, YES, it is that hard, have you forgotten that on the so called dating sites besides us ladies looking for something specific, there are a lot of lounge lizards & trolls only thinking with their tiny brain between their legs. You also forgot to add how a lot of them will only post an avatar picture and if you ask for a photo of them, you know what you will get, that right a photo of their penis along with dimensions and the nick name they have for it. The other thing I have found on the so called dating sites is, all the time expired one liners I get sent, like some of these would have me throwing my kickers on the floor of some strange guys bedroom floor, NOT.
• If you’re feeling down, I can feel you up.
• My friends call me Tony but you can call me Tonite
• Smile if you want to have sex with me!
• You look like fun great I think I could fall madly in bed with you
Most of these sorts of contacts I just delete and don’t bother with a reply because they wouldn’t understand it or read it any way. Maybe I should them the hyper link to Pinks Video, U and Ur Hand.
Alecia says it all beautifully in the lyrics of the song, here’s a few of the lines choicer lines;I’m not here for your entertainment
You don’t really wanna mess with me tonight
Just stop and take a second
I was fine before you walked into my life
‘Cause you know it’s over, before it began
Keep your drink just give me the money
It’s just you and your hand tonightYou’re in the corner with your boys, you bet them five bucks
You’d get the girl that just walked in, but she thinks you suck
We didn’t get all dressed up just for you to see
So quit spilling your drinks on meYou know you are
High five and talking shit
But you are going home alone
Aren’t ya?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YUtHjOvPKT0 -
Well said Emma, I think a lot of us can relate.
