Is the Very Concept of “Passing” Problematic?

[Elizabeth]

At 4am it’s coffee and not red wine. An interesting article and the basic notions are relevant not only in the broader sense but to transgender folk in Australia. The relevance of passing is, in most cases a safety factor, at least that is what we are lead to believe. Or is it? having the ability to pass as a cisgender person is the ultimate goal, to blend in with society, not to draw looks of that’s a ” fella in a frock’. Personally, I believe the ultimate goal is to feel good about yourself, to be yourself, shaking off the dysphoria, to feel an internal calmness, to be happy within your own skin. I also believe a dress and the ultimate in makeup application is not the fundamental goal, its about personal happiness. What really makes us happy? I feel the sense of belonging is paramount, belonging and being inclusive within one’s immediate family, one’s circle of friends, our colleagues in the workplace, where we are loved and accepted for ourselves and not a concept of what the others think we ought to be. The struggle to be accepted by the broader community appears the main agenda, I agree, but perhaps the real focus needs to be on those most close to you, changing their concept of what you ought to be. Spread the message from there. I have to say it, as I’ve aged and I mean aged I would love younger transgender people to follow my notion of acceptance and more importantly our own personal happiness. I don’t pass by any means and I don’t care, it’s not about what others think, it’s about what I think and feel about myself, not what I particularly look like.

[Melissa]

I used to very concerned with passing. It was the sole thought I would have before leaving the house. Now as I am more comfortable with who I am I have realised that passing isn’t on my radar anymore. I am happy being me and will walk down to my local IGA with my daggie skirt and no make up because I need some milk for my tea.

Mel

[Phillippa]

As a cross-dresser my aim is to be as “passable” as possible for 2 reasons.
1. To attract less attention so as to be “safer” and go about my business with as little hassle as possible and
2. For the fun of seeing how far I can take it using every tool at my disposal.

I understand that passing as such is not the be all and end all. I know I have been out shopping and had a great time with no problems, only to discover a major flaw in my “look”. This goes to show that how you feel inside and the confidence you project outwards is just as important as your physical appearance. That old “What’s inside your head” being the big barrier to getting out there and enjoying your life.

All I can say is get out there and enjoy your life now, who knows how long we have left?

[Anonymous]

Thank you opening up discussion on this article Adrian.

Marjorie Garber’s book “Invested Interest” requires some work to read, well at lest on my behalf but I have found it a great help in understanding crossdressing and how our culture treats/responds/interacts with it. Garber’s starting point is that Crossdressing is a transgression. It is this point that I think is missing form Trans Rachel’s discussion.
If I go out wearing a dress, no make up, no wig, guy socks and shoes I will be seen as a man in a dress transgressing. What is the invitation am I asking of the people I meet? How am I asking them to react and respond to me? I have openly transgressed norms and created ambiguity that some people may find difficult and not be so sure on how to react, or feel very challenged and react inappropriately.
If I go out wearing a dress, make up, wig, jewellery, stocking, and shoes, oh lovely shoes. I will be seen as a woman because that is how I have presented myself and more than likely be read as a man. What is clearer is the invitation i have asked of the people I meet is for them to treat me as a woman as my appearance dictates. I am transgressing but in seeking to cross over and pass I am being less ambiguous about how I want people to respond to me. Some people may find my crossing over and “passing” difficult and may not be so sure about how to react, or feel very challenged and react inappropriately. What is different is the invitation that I have made to other people and how i have asked them to respond.

[Adrian]

Sara,
Thanks for sharing another view on passing; passing as an invitation to others to treat you as a lady.

In her article Rachel highlights the problem when passing is used to judge how well someone has transitioned. If instead we see passing as something we do to help others understand our preferred gender then we neatly sidestep that problem.
But we can’t side step round the issue of cis-normality if passing is deliberately presenting as male or female.

If passing is the process of trying to convincingly project an image of “I want to be treated as a lady” or visa versa then we are subconsciously reinforcing the view that only man or woman are valid expressions. In other words we re-enforce society’s view that everyone should be one or the other, and anything else is weird.

I posted Rachel’s article in part because she writes it from the mid-field. Like me, she doesn’t see herself as cis-normal. I may try to present as a woman, but when I do it is a deception, no more accurate than me presenting as a man. As Rachel says:

Quote:

the concept of passing implies that we are trying to “pass ourselves off” as something we are not.

For many of us presenting a stereotypical gender that does not reflect the richness of our inner gender is just acting. We will never be freed from the constraints society puts on our gender expression if we persist in presenting to them in a reassuring comfortable way. Expressing your true gender identity is not transgressing anything except the shackles of cis-normality.

So the more people who stop acting out a cis-normal role and instead project their genuine gender identity – then the sooner society will reevaluate exactly what constitutes a transgression.

[Anonymous]

Really Adrian it is all very simple, it just that i do not understand it at all.

“The whole concept reduces gender to a certain set of physical traits. If you don’t meet some checklist of physical traits that are stereotypically associated with a certain gender, then your own gender is up for question. Why that is problematic should be obvious. The validity of anyone’s gender should never be reduced to the question of having certain physical traits.” (TransRachel https://transphilosopher.com/2016/11/15/is-the-very-concept-of-passing-problematic/)
Isn’t the use of physical traits as a way to define gender exactly what women liberationist have been rallying against for years. Can Taylor Swift help in seeing this from another perspective?
I like Taylor Swifts song “Shake it off” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nfWlot6h_JM and I like the way it has been take on and used by others like Mike Baird https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QiSyELPlx3k
In the music video of this song Swift has numerous dress changes, sweat shirt and leggings; red jacket and leather pants; tutu, grey singlets and shorts, once piece netball style white top and purple skirt, black leather outfit, gold high tech outfit, leopard spots top denim shorts, drab black shirt and black jeans, and cheer leader white crop top and blue skirt. Each outfit is associated with a dance style that Taylor Swifts struggles to perform in except for the drab every day outfit of black t shirt and jeans. The video clip finishes with her dancing with other dances all dressed in everyday drab but celebrating their individualism, by being themselves.
The music video is a narrative, a story that is open to interpretation. Is it possible to see the story as a parody or parable on Crossdressing? Women have a freer dress code than men so Swift can dress over to many different styles, roles and situations. Swift has lots of choices and we see her make them, but the video tells us that dressing is not enough if Swift does not know the steps of the dance style associated with a dress style, if she cannot do the dance, and if she is unable to perform, then she will not fit in and who she is will be brought into question. When Swift, cross dresses into different roles she needs to do more than a change of costume, to prevent her behaviour being transgressive. Her solution to the problem of transgression is to “shake it off” even if she cannot do the “twerking” as well as the black dancers. The problem Swift faces in the video and resolves is similar to the situation for men who wish to crossdress and transgress dress codes, that the way they perform in the dress code they have adapted may be more important than how they dress. Unfortunately, it may not be so easily for them to just “Shake it off” if they fail.
Part of the difficulty for male cross dressers of course is their body. It is not just the difficulty of getting a male body into a female dress but also attitudes about the male bodies. There is an acceptance and exploration of female nudity that is not true for male nudity. Rick Owen makes this point when discussing his fashion show where he sort to use male nudity and exposing penises as a theme “The social rule” is “to keep the penis hidden” but this “just gives it”, the penis, “power” he goes onto reflect that “isn’t it great when something is sacred and profane at the same time?”¹, an interesting contradiction that he wants to play with. For a crossdresser this is often a painful contradiction as the penis must be hidden and hiding it in panties give it even greater power the special power to unmask.
Things get complicate very fast when you start crossing.
Can this be explained more simply? The best explanation I have listen too is that of a 3 or 5 year old transgender girl. She understood perfectly the difference between herself and a friend Holly “Holly is a girl with a vagina, while” she “is a girl with a penis”. This girl did not understand why it took her mother and other people so long to understand this simple fact and share her insight.
https://vimeo.com/93816674
Oh to be of an age where genitals do not have to be hidden because when genitals are hidden they are given power they should not have. I only wish I did not have to hide my penis and that I could openly join with this wonderful girl and be “a woman with a penis” and wear as many wonderful outfits as Taylor Swift does.
Simple really.

1/ The Guardian online http://www.theguardian.com/fashion/2015/apr/30/why-the-penis-is-having-a-moment-in-mens-fashion download

[Anonymous]

I have been following this topic for a while and feel the need to muscle in … opps sorry for the masculine expression I meant to say … chime in and put forward my viewpoint.

What is the big thing with this ‘passing’? Well it’s quite simple really, we want to be accepted. We also have money to spend and businesses want us to spend that money with them, so it all starts with marketing. Marketers undertake research so they know that we are seeking acceptance. In their research Marketers also learn that society, generally, only identifies two genders – male and female. All Marketers then merely have to do was link the two aspects to sell various goods and services to us.

Marketers analyse the matter simply as being:
The person, for whatever reason, does not confirm with their birth gender being male (or female) and have an infinity with the opposite gender being female (or male). This person has spending power and can buy clothes, make-up, shoes and accessories that will make them feel feminine (or masculine). However for MtF, merely putting on a dress, make-up, shoes and accessories will not make the person a generic female. It is highly likely the person will still be identifiable publicly as a male not female. So what is needed is specialised goods and services to help this person to pass in society. So the marketing message becomes: “How passable are you? Only by passing publicly will you be truly feminine.”

This message also suits those in the public arena who don’t want to recognise that there is more than two genders. From their dissention a new message is born: “Only those born boys are men and only those born girls are females. Those who try to cross the two true genders won’t pass as the other gender and therefore will not be accepted by society.” As you can see each message supports the other. Socially – you weren’t born female so we won’t accept you as female; and Business – if you buy our goods and services we can assist you to pass as female and society won’t know.

I learnt a long time ago that I am definitely not a CIS male and I will never pass as a CIS Female. So how do I reconcile my differences: “I am a Transgender women and I am different from the other numerous genders including CIS male and CIS female.”
Armed with this innate acceptance, I am unconcerned with passing as a CIS Female and readily go publicly as TG female because I accept who I am.

[Catherine]

Is the very concept of passing problematic? Obviously not. If a 5 year old girl can get it, what’s stopping “us”?
Would “Holly” not be a girl if she had 7 eyes, or 1 ear, or 5 legs? Most probably not. Because according to the 5 year old, see communicated with Holly through her sense of intellect. Nothing more, nothing less. She obviously indentifued Holly as a girl long before she knew what genitalia Holly had.

So why do “we” want to make it so difficult? Just go with what your brain says you are. After all, it is THE most powerful organ in the body. Why put limits on yourselves? Whose life do you want to live? Yours; or someone else’s?

I’m an Australian living in America. Does that make me an American? No! It makes me an Australian living in America. I’m a woman living in a slightly different body. Does that make me slightly different? No! It makes me a woman living in a slightly different body.

Christmas cheer
Catherine

[Anonymous]

I have been reading the thoughts of everyone and it seems that everyone has raised valid points when it comes to their own particular outlooks. Passing to me isn’t about pleasing others its about feeling attractive and feminine. The same as a cis women I take on those traits that they use to display their femininity and beauty, a wig to replace my balding male hair, makeup to cover the flaws in my skin and to create the impression of youth and beauty and clothes and breast forms to create an attractive appearance and shape. Do I do it for male attention, that I don’t know probably no more than a cis woman does but I also do it because it makes me feel attractive. Passing is merely a byproduct of me creating the image that I wish to be able to display. Being anything other than male or female is purely a variation of the above. Clothing must be worn by law and social norms so even someone who doesn’t wish to pass will still I assume try to make themselves feel more attractive or comfortable when they dress. This is where the differences lay in whether passing is important or not. If you do not want to have that full feminine appearance then you should not have to and whether you have a penis or vagina tucked in to sweat pants or a skirt really doesn’t matter. So if you do need to duck down the shop for that bottle of milk to put in your tea and you are wearing a dress blouse but no wig or other accoutrements then you should be accepted for who you are and that is what society is slowly learning to do I feel even if it sometimes doesn’t seem so. Passing on the other hand is simply an affirmation that you have achieved the feminine appearance that you were seeking to create so you can feel happy with the persona you are.

[Anonymous]

I agree with you all and that is easy because a major lesson in my life is that we are what we are and in the perfect society we would be free to be ourselves comfortably……I have always been thankful for those leaders that pushed the envelope in the earlier days of TG acceptance that have made inroads for my life.
However to my point, I have spent my life undoing and redoing my body language, my walk, my conversation style, the way I eat, and my body shape. I observe the female form to ensure that I simulate the way females behave. It is natural and it is beautiful…..and just like a learner driver, I have learnt with experience and time, and my own feminine style has come out of it. I have invested much time into training my voice because I do want to sound how my brain thinks I sound, I want to appear how my dreams have me appearing. I have challenged and challenged and continue to challenge myself so that in company, be it privately or publicly, I can relax and enjoy my femininity…be myself. The cost was the loss of my wife as she is not a lesbian, we are still besties but it hurts….oh so much.
There was a while ( a long while) where my confidence was so low and my body language showed it; I had to toughen up and declare my confidence and with it came acceptance…or more the point…I began to pass to the general public….and now no-one notices, and if they do look it is often my clothing they look at for, ‘it is beautiful dress that maketh the girl’! . There will always be questions from interested people and that is fine…..and I also have these quizzical looks from people because they are just not quite sure; that again is fine and that stage of building confidence covers those moments. I enjoy going out with the girls and they all help me with little lessons and their caring warms my heart. I am a Townsville citizen and a TG scene is not a reality…but I don’t particularly want to be part of that scene if it were offered…..I just want to be one of the girls.
I love women and their abilities, and now I am one, so of course to me it is natural to be as close as I can be to being born with the right equipment.

Best wishes to you all and Merry Christmas

[Jenny]

A very courageous and valid contribution by Alana62. Surely the aim of all of us to approximate as closely as possible to the real feminine existence otherwise why are we bothering to dress etc. Certainly there will be times when we fail to pass and we shouldn’t despair about that.

[Adrian]

“Surely the aim of all of us to approximate as closely as possible to the real feminine existence otherwise why are we bothering to dress etc.”
If only the world was that simple. Everyone nicely jumping in a box called “real feminine” or “real male”.

The likely truth however is that many of the behaviors adopted in the quest to pass are not behaviours of a typical woman. That “real feminine existence” doesn’t actually exist in our contemporary world. The things we focus on when we first set out to dress are what we imagine a perfect woman to be… high heels, stockings, long hair, ample bosom, short skirts, sexy underwear, historical fashions from a time when women were more feminine…….and so on. Because this perfect woman doesn’t exist in reality we so often set our selves up to be read as a man trying to be some stereotypical girlie magazine pin-up… and not doing it very well.

Personally I no longer dress to be that perfect female…Throw away that desire to “pass” as a perfect woman and you find that you can express your inner femininity in jeans and a T-shirt. If passing is striving to achieve an image found in glossy magazines but not in K-Mart then it is a problem.

Increasingly people are looking to express their true gender in public. I see that as a very good thing. It is what most natal women do all the time! If we value being genuine over acting out these gender stereotypes then others will find it much easier to understand and relate to us.

[Anonymous]

Hi Adrian

When feminine I only wear dresses and shoes with some sort of heel, I do wear jeans and a T-shirt with sneakers but only when I have the need to be in “boy-mode”. Interestingly, I have a very good CIS female friend who is a couple of years younger than me, my friend often makes the following comments on my feminine dress sense:
1. My heels that are 4, 5 or 6 inches high are the type that 16 year old would wear; and
2. My dresses, the longest being about 4 inches above my knees, are what a young 20 to 25 year old would wear; and
3. When worn together are what a hooker would wear.
4. My hair should be a lot less in length (shoulder length or shorter) and the blonde turned to a very dark blond or brown.

When we just go down to the shops together for milk and such or go for a coffee, my friend is likely to just wear a pair of shorts with a tank top and a pair of flats – minimal make-up and hair in a pony-tail. She is amazed at how much effort I go to just to go for milk at the shops or out for a coffee. However, I have noted that when we go out clubbing and CIS men are very likely to be around, the shorts/top is replaced with a very nice and sexy dress (albeit this 2 to 4 inches below the knees) , the old flats with matching 3 inch heels and make-up and hair are done to perfection as she tries to be the prefect female that CIS men are seeking.

I agree and you are right we (and me in particular) are dressing to be that perfect female – whatever that actually is. The difference between me and my CIS female friend is that I do this every opportunity I get and my friend only does this when going out to impress (and attract) a CIS male mate. As my friend has a lot of CIS female friends around our ages I have observed and noted that they all are like this with their dress sense i.e. dress down in low level social situations and dress to impress (and attract) a CIS male in other social situations.

Therefore the reason I stand out publicly is that I don’t dress for the social situation or for “age conformity” for that matter. I guess as I get older I’ll change out of necessity, however as I am a bit of a show-off I can’t see me conforming with societies expectations just yet – maybe when I get to ninety lol.

Hugs, Emily

[Veronica]

I agree that there is no longer any stable concept of perfect femininity. There are a wide range of female sub-cultures, each of which is characterised by different modes of dress, movement and intensity of make-up (ranging from full-on to none at all). Even within these sub-cultures there are subtle differences between the intensity of the secondary sex characteristics (e.g. the kind of flat sandal, or the degree of attention paid the things like toe cleavage). This is in addition to any variation in individual styles that emerge in different situations (like when women are ‘on the hunt’; they don’t all wear heels and short skirts any more). Likewise, I believe there are wide differences between tg sub-cultures, and this is as it should be

V x x