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TgR Wall Forums Our Journeys Coming Out “Its a gift. This is a gift”

  • Deleted User

    Deleted User
    06/01/2020 at 7:47 am

    In view of some recent responses..

    I’m fairly sure ( correct me if I’m wrong Girls!) the responses from most to my OP that “It’s a gift” are based on a present assessment of their circumstances as a TG person.

    However I’m sure all of those would acknowledge that it has been a difficult journey in the past and some more so than others and no doubt “It” still presents challenges.
    If you could offer a magic pill and make “ It “ ( being gender diverse) all go away I suspect based on the affirmative responses people would say “NO”. In that sense the affirmative responses are indicating I think that they are , overall, pleased to have been “given” a Gender Diverse attribute
    ie a “Gift ” in their personality

    I acknowledge of course that “ it “ is still deeply troubling for some and for all sorts of reasons, not least of which is the pressure put on marital or other relationships. All of us are aware of that and the fact that mental health is a major concern for anyone troubled by their gender identity

    It was clear from reading Eddies book that he, like most of us had gone through challenging times emotionally and at the time that that comment was made to him at the TS/TV Help group meeting he was in some degree of emotional turmoil .

    His words from the book, which I’ve quoted, clearly indicate at the time, he had trouble with the comment “It’s a Gift” but he had grown to realise that it was a “Gift”

    Anyone can challenge the use of the term “Gift” to describe being transgender depending on their own view , I was merely sharing my own reaction to the words in the book and seeking others views on the subject.

    I hope I havnt made anyone feel uncomfortable or distressed about their own circumstances

    Not my intention at all!!

    Caroline

  • Martina

    Member
    07/01/2020 at 4:56 am

    A “gift” is simply something that is given. The Trojan Horse was purported to be a “gift from the gods” but it turned out to be the means to destroy a city. How often have you been given a gift that you don’t want or don’t like and throw it in the bin or pass it on to someone you don’t like! The Thais are expert at gift-wrapping and do it so beautifully, but in their culture the recipient must not open it in front of the giver because they don’t want to see your face drop, or feign false delight, when you see what it is.

    What we are given may turn out to be a blessing or a curse, but it is still a gift.

  • Deleted User

    Deleted User
    07/01/2020 at 9:33 am

    Thanks for your perception on the matter Martina.

    It reminded me that the German word for Poison is “Gift”
    So maybe the fellow that Eddie had been talking to at that particular time was German???

    I’m inclined to think though given the context, the word gift was the usual meaning of something to be valued and ,appreciated .

    In any case, these days , Im still appreciative of the gift

  • Lisa_W

    Member
    08/01/2020 at 5:00 am

    Hi Caroline
    I have the advantage of having a German partner.
    The word for poison is “vergiften” & synonyms are – verpesten or verseuchen

    The responses to your OP have been very interesting. I believe we can only view being trans from our own individual perspective. How how our life has changed (good or bad), how others have responded to us ( good or bad), what the future holds ( good or bad). And the list goes on…..
    From my perspective, it is a gift but it is the hardest gift that we will ever be given. Dealing with this gift may be too hard for some & easier for others. But it is never easy. I have always said you would not wish this on your worse enemy.
    But in the end we are better for this gift. That which does not kill you will only make you stronger and other platitudes along that line.
    I hope everyone can eventually see be trans as a gift. For if you do, that means you have successfully transitioned.

  • Deleted User

    Deleted User
    08/01/2020 at 8:54 am

    Obviously this topic has a elicited many interesting responses all quite valid and varied and just goes to show we are indeed privileged ,challenged and gifted to be able to comment on this topic

    PS I’m confident about my German

    Love you!!

  • Deleted User

    Deleted User
    08/01/2020 at 10:28 am

    One of the key things I have learned from my journey is to not look back and become disheartened by what has happened or could have been. Despite my comments about it being a curse at times,I take a more pragmatic view of the future and intend to make the most of the gift. Sure there will be ups and downs, but it’s a journey I am really excited about. I’m lucky to have a small group of people around me who accept me for who I am which does make it easier to appreciate the gift. For those who don’t I can empathise with the pain and turmoil as I had many years of this. Please just stay strong as you never know when things might change for the better. I didn’t, but when it did it was like a huge weight being lifted. xx

  • Deleted User

    Deleted User
    09/01/2020 at 12:27 am

    I guess, on balance my being trans gender is a gift: if for no other reason, it was never a gift that I consciously chose. Those of you on HRT, at whatever level, will be familiar with the mood changes the regime can induce – high and low. In a recent low and in tears, I exclaimed to my wife “I wish I could be one thing (ie girl or boy ) or the other! But this middle thing, this being neither yet both, becomes nigh impossible to bear!”

    Now, in hindsight, I see that painful episode as yet another gift: the gift of insight. For it is true, and at some level I’ve always known but struggled with the implications: I am neither gender and yet both – variously known as androgynous or non-binary. That is me and it’s my task to accept the gift and use it as best I can for myself and for others. The alternative is to ‘throw it back’ and return to a life of pretending to be who and what I am not. At age 73 on 28th of this month I realize I had spent 65 years of my life trying unsuccessfully to be the ‘Great Pretender’, and the last 8 years learning how to be who I am. With the joyous highs and the now less frequent depressive lows, I’ve decided to stay with the learning.

  • Deleted User

    Deleted User
    12/01/2020 at 9:30 am

    In the great Archives of TGR there is a post over 4 years ago by Liz “Are you happy- being Transgender”
    many of us contributed to that post … all those years ago!!!
    Its very much along the lines of my post “Its a Gift -this is a Gift”

    And further enhances thoughts of what it means to be transgender

    Go to Members Corner and chit chat to see the whole thread

    lovely responses

    Caroline

  • Elizabeth

    Member
    12/01/2020 at 6:45 pm

    Oh, my God! ‘The Are You Happy Being Trans’? 4 years ago? Life travels at warp factor 10, whatever that is. When my daughter visited Oz in June last year, (I hadn’t seen her for 15 years) the age old issue of being trans surfaced yet again. Me endeavouring to explain what being trans is to me, I was immensely nervous, trying not to upset, rock the boat, make waves etc. Daughter turned and said, Oh that, that’s nothing now, not like it was 15 years ago. I was gobsmacked, drained much of my anxieties, set at ease, felt accepted, overjoyed, loved, elated. Perhaps this gift when related to the happiness involved and acceptance shown contributes immensely to the gift. We now regularly in contact now, where previously everything was spasmodic. By the way, her indoors still tolerates, with an essence of acceptance as no badgering, showing loathing emotions etc.is ever going to change the status quo. I have a T shirt, ‘SHE – HER – HERS across the front in dominate white lettering. I don’t like the T shirt. My attitude, that’s your choice, the T shirt is my choice. Off subject, oh dear, I’m not sure.

  • Lisa_W

    Member
    13/01/2020 at 12:38 am

    Oh Liz, that is great news about your daughter. Congratulations! It reminds me of the time I told a work colleague about being trans. She replied”, is that all. I thought you were going to tell me that you had cancer.”
    This sounds off topic but here are two examples that it is a gift – a hard gift, but definitely a gift.
    Lisa

  • Elizabeth

    Member
    13/01/2020 at 1:04 am

    Hi Lisa, Anxieties tend to rule up to a point. Sounds like a pierced balloon, deflated.
    Travel well.
    Liz

  • Rosie Rondini

    Member
    30/10/2023 at 9:26 pm

    “I wear my gift now as battle armour. I came out thirty two years ago, which means I’ve fought my through for a bloody long time” (Eddie Izzard)

    I love what this person has written. From my own experience, I have had a different fight, it was a fight within myself not to cross dress. The battle raged for 44 years. Now when I dress as Rosie, it is fun without being the freak. (this is the battle which raged in my head). Why didn’t I seek professional help, I did, but it didn’t gel with me until I meet others like me.

    Going out as Rosie now, I have enter my “second life”, where I can say to anyone, “you look nice”, or “that’s a nice outfit” because the Feminine life (the battle armour) allows you to do this. All my life I have been an creative, motivated, relatively successful, alpha male, but it was wearing me out. Sometimes I just want to be nice, and on occasion admired. Does this sound vain?

    Someone please tell me. I am not worried anymore about it. So far since my debut, I have told 4 other trusted friends and my brother. Each reaction was so different, and none damning. The one that surprised me the most, was “C” a good friend up the north coast (still a very fit surfer). I showed him a picture of Rosie, he said I looked hot, which was a nice thing to say, but he then said, we have talked about this before, about cross dressing.

    No way, I said, as I was so sure. Then he reminder how he, “M” and me when to a party in our 20’s (over 40 yrs ago and had never discussed it since) which was a “gender bender” party. Being young, fit, tanned with long sun bleached natural hair, we all looked very passable, “C” more so than “M” and me.

    “C” told me that I said that “being dressed as a woman was so much fun, firstly because no one knew who we were, and secondly we could do feminine things without be labelled “a poofter” “( a terrible term popular in Sydney in the 80’s a period where some gay men were being thrown off cliffs and attacked in the Eastern Suburbs) (Moderators take this comment out if inappropriate). This story reminds me as I contemplate the next Rosie adventure, where I have “armour” in the wardrobe, thatallows me to walk into a “second life”. A real second life with no computer simulation, btw their is a computer game called “Second Life”.

    I am a lucky man.

    • This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by  Rosie Rondini.
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