Letter to my wife

[Anonymous]

Thanks Sara.
I have to say I was a bit disturbed by The Guardian’s use of this as it seems to have some unhealthy features of denial and false repression. When, for example, the writer says ‘this anniversary I am renewing my commitment to you, especially my vow to “forsake all others”. I have realised, too late perhaps, that this includes myself’ I have to say that this seems an unhealthy basis for marriage! – a healthy appreciation of self is surely vital for a relationship and this includes accepting who and what we are? When I showed it to my partner she felt she would actually be more worried receiving such a letter on such terms than discovering some of the excesses mentioned in it. She too felt that such a writer might be better placed trying to integrate the drives which leads to such behaviour and wondering whether such deep ‘addiction’ might actually require greater self-acceptance alongside renewing relationship if wholeness and happiness were to flourish.

[Carol]

This letter doesn’t ring true to me. I can’t believe a long-term closeted married cross-dresser is the author. I think the clue is in the sub-title. “The letter you always wanted to write”. I think it is more likely the work of one of those crazy -we can cure you groups.

[Elizabeth]

Am I right or does the Guardian have a letter for every occasion? A put up job?

[Anonymous]

Hi Sara
What an interesting letter but I cannot help but think that it wasn’t written by a real CD. I am married and have been in the same position clothes found, questions asked and lies told. I have purged and sworn off crossdressing innumerable times. But the simple facts are it is a part of who I am and as such I can no sooner stop what I am doing than I could sprout wings and fly away. My partner doesn’t like my crossdressing so I don’t tell her about it. My partner also doesn’t like golf or fishing but I still do those things and only if she asks do I tell her about how my game went or what fish I caught. She doesn’t ask very often at all. What I do is when I am spending time with things we do together then she has my full attention. When I am spending time doing my things then I devote my time to me. As she does when she is doing the things she loves and I don’t.
Being in a relationship doesn’t mean you are permanently attached to each other it means you enjoy the time you spend together by choice.
I hope that if it is real then the writer can learn to accept who he is and make the most of his own worth when he has time and be the best partner he can when they are together. The two are not mutually exclusive

[JaneS]

I also fall into the category of disbeliever. Although some of the feelings we’ve had are expressed in the letter I find contradicting things that make me doubt the veracity of the whole letter.

To have been through so many negative events and yet still not been able to come out, even to a counsellor, suggests either a very poor mental health system, a very unobservant wife or both. I suspect any wife would seek to know and understand more than this one seems to. The writer mentions not owning up to how much women’s clothing her buys so by inference the wife must know he buys some. Why would that not trigger further discussion given the problems mentioned?

An aroma of fish, I suspect.