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“mate” and the Ultimate Injunction
Just a little bit of practical politics for the full timers.
This submission to being mated is unacceptable. However, despite he blantent cowardice of the of the Trans population, I have devised the “Ultimate Injunction”.
It’s an awkward incantation to use, but it works. As soon as a man calls you “mate”. Call him “darling” in your reply. They Haaaaate it!
(Some men call all women mate but this is ok because the injunction won’t bother them anyway)
It works like this. A man usually calls a transwoman mate (or a ciswoman. Men do it to them when feeling animosity) to defemininise us( they doit to ciswomen to desexualise). So calling the man darling, sweetly, in return, regenderises the exchange between you and the man and forces him back into his traditional mindset of the relationship between men and women.. It bounces his homophobia straight back at him. This unbalances him and makes him angry.
If he loses it? You win victim status in the eyes of the beholders.
if he doesn’t lose it, you’ve made a nasty enemy, but who will destory himself.
and don’t think ciswomen don’t conspire like this against men, they do. And you all know it.
So, what do ya think?
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11 Replies
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FionaP wrote:So, what do ya think?I think the confrontational point-scoring approach to mis-gendering you propose is completely the wrong way to go.
Society, in general, genders others as male or female on a number of subtle clues.We don’t decide if people are male or female by looking at their birth certificate or asking them to drop their pants.
Often we don’t like the gender others perceive in us, but as transgender people no matter how passable we think we are, we will always present some mixed gender signals to others.
The best approach is to assume that everyone is gendering us in an honest way – and if we don’t like the perceived gender that is because they are being asked to make a tricky call and they get it wrong (by our understanding of our true gender).
Assuming, as you propose that every mis-gender, such as being called mate, is worthy of an aggressive response will just make life unnecessarily difficult.
In the rare case that the misgendering is intended to distress, then any acknowledgement of it (however clever the response) gives the low life the satisfaction of seeing they have made their point. Ignoring low life completely is, I find, a much better strategy.Understanding the difficulties we present to others in determining our gender, and being tolerant about their mistakes, is not cowardice.
It is a strategy for a more harmonious existence as a trans person.
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Adrian wrote:I think the confrontational point-scoring approach to mis-gendering you propose is completely the wrong way to go…. excessive quoting and requoting deleted
There is no harmonious existence as a transwoman. I did mention that it is awkward to use. But nevertheless, it is still the ULTIMATE injunction!
I don’t know about aggressive. I think it’s aggressive of men to misgender me.
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FionaP wrote:There is no harmonious existence as a transwoman.
Fiona,
From your postings elsewhere it is clear that you are not having an easy life.When you post asking if people agree with you you should be prepared for people to disagree and to accept their feedback. If you don’t accept feedback gracefully then others will stop sharing with you.
Your assumptions about the inability of transwomen to live harmoniously are patently untrue. Repeating the assertion does not make it fact.
My advice is to listen to others, particularly those who are getting over the road blocks in life. If you reject any idea that doesn’t match your views then little is going to change in your life.
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As a trans woman, I too struggle with being “mated” on a fairly regular basis and yes there is sometimes malicious intent behind it, and often it offends or hurts me, but it would be so soul destroying to battle against this with any sort of response on a day to day basis.
Unfortunately people can be ignorant and sometimes downright horrible, but my thoughts are as a transwoman is that there are so many other parts of life to discover and to live that being mated is something I have learnt to ignore in order to get on with the good parts of my life.
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Once I went to pay for my petrol presenting as female. The pleasant cashier called me “darl” and I floated out happy. A week later I bought petrol at the same place from the same cashier but this time presenting as male. She called me “darl”. Sometimes the world is a bit random and sometimes we read too much into what people say. Just go with the flow I say.
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Carol wrote:Once I went to pay for my petrol presenting as female. The pleasant cashier called me “darl” and I floated out happy. A week later I bought petrol at the same place from the same cashier but this time presenting as male. She called me “darl”. Sometimes the world is a bit random and sometimes we read too much into what people say. Just go with the flow I say.
I don’t care when women do it.
You have to remember, when living this fulltime, a lot more emotional investment is in place. People might remember me on this forum how blazay I was about it when I was just crossressing. I get a lot of abuse now though. It sux. I’m quite ok wih how I look but people are crazy mad.
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Adrian wrote:FionaP wrote:There is no harmonious existence as a transwoman.
Fiona,
From your postings elsewhere it is clear that you are not having an easy life.When you post asking if people agree with you you should be prepared for people to disagree and to accept their feedback. If you don’t accept feedback gracefully then others will stop sharing with you.
Your assumptions about the inability of transwomen to live harmoniously are patently untrue. Repeating the assertion does not make it fact.
My advice is to listen to others, particularly those who are getting over the road blocks in life. If you reject any idea that doesn’t match your views then little is going to change in your life.
I’m a broken person, definitely, but I did post this with a twist of humour. I need support and a break. It’s hard being the Caitlin Jenner of Brisbane.
I’m a shit magnet.
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Quote:It’s hard being the Caitlin Jenner of Brisbane.
I’m a shit magnet.
Hi Fiona,
I don’t drop in here much, but your messages have caught my eye recently and have been a little worried about you.My experience (and everyones varies I am sure) is that if I use negative talk about myself (even in jest) I project a lot of that negativity outwards and people pic up on it and respond negatively. Its a constant struggle not to think negatively and for me personally I have to put on a brave face a lot of the time and be really positive even though I am not feeling it, but that is 100 times better than trying to be male when that is not who I am.
You are certainly not a ‘shit magnet’ and I also suspect that Caitlyn Jenner will have a much smoother ride than most Transwomen.
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“This unbalances him and makes him angry.”
Then what? He punches you?
May be better to smile, nod, agree and go your way in peace.
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The pain is real. What do I mean?
I was watching YouTube clips that people walking bare foot on fire, so when our feet are in good condition we can even stand on fire, but when our feet are badly injured, even a gentle touch from our doctor can make us scream and it’s not a fake screaming, it’s real, the pain is real.
Honey, you feel bad by these things, because you are injured, otherwise it doesn’t matter what others call us. In worse case, it shows the person in front of us has some personality issues to work on
.All the best,
Sana -
A recent experience when the husband of a friend called me ‘mate’ although presenting female was disturbing. I think I’m particularly sensitive to being called ‘sir’ and ‘mate’ is pretty close. Sometimes my heaing does play up though too.
I asked my friend about it and she said that her husband calls everyone mate including her so that’s just him. Sage advice. He has been careful since to call me ‘Michelle’ and no insult was intended.
Michelle – trying to be less sensitive
