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Mirror mirror on the wall..who is the fairest one of all?
Now to set the scene right from the start: I am fully aware that I am not passable and I make little, or no attempt, to pass – maybe I slightly go out of my way a bit to avoid that in fact it must be said. I cultivate a loud, somewhat mildly-Drag-gy look and, if I am completely honest, I am always trying to match my look with my personality. Those of you who know me will probably attest to that I think.
The Number 1 thing on the Fear Scale when I am talking to newbies is “oh I could never pass”….it is even above that old fallacy “I will get recognised if I go out”. In all the years I have been going out to pubs/clubs/events etc and through all the functions/quiz nights and other stuff I host and I get up to not once NOT ONCE has anyone from the general public ever said anything disparaging to me or even slightly critical. Quite the opposite in fact! I have women and men compliment me on my outfits/heels/hair/legs/behaviour etc and never a negative comment has reached my ears – apart from the negative comments that have on occasion emanated from my own kind.
Last Friday I was told that one of my Trans sisters had said that I look like a “blow up doll”. This remark was unsolicited and came from a dresser I have had very little to do with, or even had a conversation with and, in a baffling twist, she is involved with a local organisation purportedly only in existence to assist and encourage crossdressers. Over my decades long journey I have unfortunately had quite a few instances where other dressers have had a crack at me for how I carry on which has been in stark contrast to everything else I have experienced. On Facebook, I regularly see these same girls who have said the most appalling things about other dressers militantly wave the rainbow flag demanding equal rights (for what?) or beating the drum incessantly over some perceived slight from society of which we were all previously unaware. I have had some conversations online recently with a newbie who, to me anyway, appears and sounds quite genuine – I’ve developed a good nose for sniffing out fakes and wannabe’s over the years. She told me a terrible story about approaching this same organisation where upon at her one and only attendance at one of their meetings (a debut in the public arena for her which as many of you know is a bloody big deal) she felt like the ugly girl at the school dance and wherein not one but a couple of ‘The ladies’ there gave her a full and robust critique of her ’look’….a look she had carefully crafted for her big night out. Disgraceful.
Before going any further I can’t say I’ve had poor experiences with other Tran’s groups around the country. In the main I have found that some are a bit dull and uninspiring but never have I found them at all unsupportive or exclusive. I have had great nights at the Seahorse Ball in Sydney on a couple of occasions and found everyone to be fun and friendly. I’ve been to dinner groups in Queensland and had a terrific time and I even went to a get together in Portland once upon a time which was a wonderful night – and no one passed any sort of judgement on how I or anyone else presented or what anyone was doing. Transformal, of course, is the absolute shining light in Tran’s inclusion and everyone mixes in spectacularly in celebration of our lifestyle and interests. This alternate behaviour, I am sad to say, seems to be a localised issue (I hope) and I used to think it went back to the days when I ran the Steppin’ Out Balls in opposition to their scrabble nights and Op-Shop fashion evenings but I hear far too many of the sorts of things my new friend has told me for it to really, sadly, be just isolated criticism of me.
The only instances I have ever had where I have I think been unfairly, and often cowardly, dealt with have been within our OWN so-called community – never the general public of whom many are so scared of. When I first heard the “blow up doll” thing my first instinct was that I went around to that persons place and confronted them but that doesn’t address their other serious shortcomings where it applies to emerging girls. Therefore, after much deliberation, I have decided on the following courses of action for which I invite comment:
1. I am going to accentuate my look when I go out so that people will suspect that if I accidentally cut myself I will have to use a vulcanising patch instead of a Band-Aid and
2. I am going to start my own local support group for tgirls on Facebook where they can get some advice fairly quickly and from which we can organise local face-to-face get together and outings.
In essence, I’m not really fussed what anyone says about me. I don’t really care what they say and I don’t lose any sleep over their sulky bitchiness. I would never mention of course that in this particular girl’s case she has an arse so big that could conceivably have its own postcode nor would I ever say that because of their actions their own meetings could now be held in an abandoned mini-bar fridge – I will leave that for others to say. What I will say however is that our gig has enough challenges without our own sisters taking pot shots over other people’s choices and preferences and the new girls, and a lot of we older chicks, deserve a lot better if indeed their charters are sincere and that their existence is for everyone in our community. If a girl decides that the look she wishes to aspire to involves a parrot jauntily poised upon her shoulder whilst she flits about in a harlequin inspired outfit with a “Kiss Me Quick” emblazoned straw boater or if two girls suddenly decide between them to start getting around in a My Little Pony comedy horse costume then that is their business.
Viva la Difference girlfriend’s. We are all supposed to be on the same side are we not?
xxxxxxx
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18 Replies
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I for one think you are an inspiration Emma xx
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Hi Emma
I am so glad to hear you have no intention to change what are truly delightful character attributes; and a disposition some of us can only ever aspire to. We love you just the way you are: and for what and who you are. You bring a lot of much needed joy to us and if you intend to further accentuate that wonderful and unique style of yours then all I can say is: bring it on!
Hugs Marian -
Emma,
I’d like to echo Marian’s thoughts.
I thought your somewhat “bawdy” (I hope you don’t mind me using that term) style really livened up many of the TF18 events and created a great atmosphere.
However, I don’t think I should try to share your dress style, and, after seeing my formal photograph, am sure no one would want to share my dress style!
Thank you for helping make TF18 a wonderful event.
Stephanie -
IEmma , What you have experienced is an age old problem in the T component( broadest sense of the term T
intendeof ) of the LGBTQI Community.
I don’t think it will ever disappear becuse there are many “Alpha ” types out there believing they know how everyone should behave..
So good on your for being true to your own self expression.” VIVE. LE DIVERSITE”
I enjoyed dancing with you to Nutbush City Limits at Transfprmal
let there be no limits to enjoying yourself if no harm to others .
Cheers
Caroline -
Thank you ladies for your kind comments – they touched me deeply and I appreciate them very much. This wasn’t an exercise in me fishing for compliments it was centered on how some speak ill of others and how many are treated among our own. Caroline encapsulated it perfectly.
When I say I don’t care what people say or think of me that is true but I confess I do care with regard to you all in the TGR world. I value your comments, thoughts, and most importantly your friendship. You’re all a great bunch of chicks and I love you to bits xxx
I shall also resolve to be less conservative in my dress for next year’s Transformal and come out-of-my-shell a bit more
Oh and Caroline I LOVED dancing the Nutbush with you too girlfriend and I suspect it won’t be the last time!
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Hi Emma, it’s a shame that some individuals critique others to their own imaginary standards, but unfortunately it goes on. I last came across it some years ago and the Tranny who was doing this was placing their vision of the world on others, she tried to apply her imaginary standards on me so I just ignored her and discovered a huge group of T-girls doing the same thing and made many great friends. Although you quoted Mirror Mirror on the wall, let’s look at another fairy tale for a solution, Cinderella, evil step mother and ugly/nasty sisters are putting down poor Cinderella for their own selfish means. But Cinders is rescued by her supporters, gets the handsome prince, and the evil step mother and ugly/nasty sisters are consigned to drudgery in the castle laundry. PS the last of the Windsor boys is now married so you might have to settle for a Naughty Knave. Having not met you yet Emma but have read many of your Blogs I don’t think you could be more conservative if you tried, your writing suggests it’s just not you.
Rosemary XOXOX -
Hmmmmm Rosemary I might struggle to pass off as Cinderella but I love the analogy lol Yes I missed out on Prince Harry….and I missed out on Meagan too – I don’t discriminate. Princess Edward is still a chance I think at least for a Boris Becker-style knee trembler in a Buckingham Palace broom cupboard at a Royal Garden Party so I guess by default Sophie the Duchess of Wessex is a chance too.
Conservatism and Class are my middle names as Adrian and Caroline will attest!….well maybe not I’ve never thought of getting a tattoo but if I did it would be a picture of Popeye saying “I yam what I yam”.
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And we all need to be what we will be…..there is no changing what is inside us.
I love what you have written here Emma and think we should all follow in your foot steps. There is no point worrying about what other people think. Like you, I have never had a negative comment about the way I present, and I have been dressing for the last 7 years. At first it was difficult to go out, but the more you do it the easier it gets. It now feels wrong for me when I don’t dress.
Thank you for your thoughts and please let me know when you get the Facebook group up abundant running. I am very interested in that as mos5 of the groups are from OS, and a lot of the content does not apply. -
Hi Emma i to can only agree with all on here you are wonderful and it was great to meet you this year at TF . stand tall and proud like u are and never let the negative people bring you down
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As I have said before on another topic, I have only met beautiful girls through TGR and at TF. No need to be glam or able to pass. We are all doing what we want to do and doing our best to be what we want to be. It’s a mixture of personal choice and physical limitations. It’s such a strange anathema to be having a poke at someone’s appearance.
On a personal note, I met you, Emma, at TF for the first time. I know we are very different in some aspects but who cares – I know I have made a fantastic and fun friendship which I will value and will last. You rock!
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Emma for PM.
No names. Once upon a time I used to attend a group on a regular basis and while, initially I enjoyed the experience, eventually I found it was becoming very elitist. Those who were convincing and/or simply better dressed and made up looked down on the rest. One person in particular who was on the committee was very full of self praise at others expense. Eventually she was informed that this wasn’t acceptable behaviour so she took her bat and ball and left.
Times have changed dramatically for those of us in a Trans existence and, I think, mostly for the better. But there are still those who need support and guidance. So Emma’s side group sounds like a good start. -
Absolutely you have Tina
I loved getting to know you hun and look forward to future catchups xxx -
Well Barnaby’s penis nearly brought down the government who knows what scandals I could get up to as PM lol
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Hi Emma and everyone else,
The most important thing in what we do is what we do. We do it to feel good about ourselves and to enjoy what we do.The world has definitely taken a turn for the worst and there is a lot of anger and hate in the world today. Facebook has a lot to answer for the state of the world today. It has given people a platform to speak their piece and they are taking it with no qualms of what it does for the wellbeing of others.
Don’t let other people dictate to you what you need to do to be happy. Be happy in who you are and who you want to be. I have come to this discovery by doing just that. I too don’t “pass”, but you know what, I don’t really care about what others think so long as I know that I am happy in myself. We are such complicated creatures and when we come to accept ourselves the rest of it just falls into place. People usually are scathing in their comments through a simple thing called, jealousy. Be happy and enjoy you. Don’t let the bastards get you down and be good yourself.
I will be making a concerted effort to attend the next TF and I’m hoping that my wife will be there too.
Hugs,
Jessica -
Hi Emma, (again)
Barnaby’s willlie aside, I like to think a bit of scandal might teach our politicians how they ought to behave, but we’ve had them and we know it won’t make one iota of difference. So bring on the dictatorship with President Emma in charge, can I be deputy?Claire
“Well Barnaby’s penis nearly brought down the government who knows what scandals I could get up to as PM lol”
