Muscle cars and mascara

[Anonymous]

Hi,

No replys i see, well not really a subgect thats talked about much on trans forums

Being intersexed is a bit different as theres no male or female or one is both, depends on how a person see it from thier understanding, so i spos not many here will answer so unless your intersexed how can a person because they are not us & dont think as we do, the mind set is very different in so many ways,

Well thats one part & then theres the body side, hormones organs looks manerisims & theres a few more details,

Not sure were you are in all of this so i quess you may not be intersexed as i am, any way no matter, just another side one can look at,

…noeleena…

[Anonymous]

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After a lot of introspection I’ve decided that the terms ‘bigender’ and ‘genderfluid’ describe me fairly accurately.

I find the whole concept of gender fascinating. Firstly it is only a concept of human construct, our sex & sexuality are able to be described & observed but our gender is based on our understanding of our feelings in respect to how society describes our personal understanding of femininity v masculinity. The problem I have, is that of all the people I know, no two describe their level of masculinity or femininity the same way. At what point do I describe my thoughts, actions & displays as either masculine or feminine.

I present full time as an, at times unconvincing, apparently female bodied woman. My daily activities range from working in an office, consulting to customers, driving a truck, operating earth moving machinery, working with soil, bricks, stone, steel & timber. When I’m doing the heavy, dirty, labour intensive tasks I certainly don’t feel feminine nor do I do look feminine & for practical reasons my clothing choices are not particularly feminine (even though the clothing is intended for females). In my case, I think of femininity as being soft, clean, gentle, caring etc, but that’s just my perception. I know men who display those attributes but they are not necessarily feminine men.

Andi, It was the title of your post that got my attention. I grew up with modified cars (street machines) & dirt bikes & Harleys. I know many females who are involved either by choice or default with the car scene, some I would describe as feminine & others not, though I’m not certain how they would describe themselves.

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The good thing is that I can switch between modes with some mental effort, although a change occurs over a number of hours rather than a quick ‘flip’ that some bigender people experience

Just this last week on two occasions, I have woken up not feeling like a woman. The first time caused me some concern (it’s a fear that I have in the back of my mind that one day I’ll wake up to discover that I’ve been deluding myself). The second time I started to wonder if it was because all that week I had been doing extremely heavy, dirty, ‘blokey’ activities. It’s almost like I’d lost the memory of feminine gender enactment. Once back into a skirt & makeup I was ‘back’. I do wonder how valid the whole idea of gender really is. We (as a society) ascribe gender to actions & emotions & then extend that to ascribe gender to the individual for their display & experience of those actions & emotions but upon closer scrutiny it makes little sense to do so.

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Does anyone else experience this kind of thing? Or is your gender mix more static? Do you feel any disphoria on ‘girl days’ when you’re unable to get dressed?

As I’ve written above, I have experienced it but I really do suspect that I am simply more able to more fully experience all emotions, rather than those emotions necessarily being gender specific. Most females that I know say that they feel differing degrees of ‘femininity’ depending upon what they are doing & what they are wearing, even to the point of saying that they feel ‘blokey’. I don’t personally know any who would describe themselves as Tg because of it though.

If I can’t ‘dress’ I do feel a sense of dysphoria but it is less important if I am alone & busy doing what is perceived to be traditionally male tasks.

[Anonymous]

Hi Noeleena, even though I’m not intersex there’s a lot of commonalities to relate to. It’s true that our mindset is different to cis people.. they are missing out

[Anonymous]

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At what point do I describe my thoughts, actions & displays as either masculine or feminine.

Hey Chloe. That’s a good question. When you’ve got a static non-binary gender, or even a fluid one that is sometimes between the two poles, it’s sometimes hard to explain exactly who you are in traditional boy/girl terms. Not that it really matters that much.. we shouldn’t be forced to explain ourselves but it’d be nice to have an easy way to relate our nature to those who might not understand it.

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In my case, I think of femininity as being soft, clean, gentle, caring etc, but that’s just my perception. I know men who display those attributes but they are not necessarily feminine men.

Sure. The external stuff we do is sometimes aligned with gender but does not change who we are.

Quote:

Just this last week on two occasions, I have woken up not feeling like a woman. The first time caused me some concern (it’s a fear that I have in the back of my mind that one day I’ll wake up to discover that I’ve been deluding myself). The second time I started to wonder if it was because all that week I had been doing extremely heavy, dirty, ‘blokey’ activities. It’s almost like I’d lost the memory of feminine gender enactment. Once back into a skirt & makeup I was ‘back’.

That’s fine, especially if you’ve spent previous years in male mode. It’s natural to feel another aspect of yourself sometimes even though you’re full time female. The good thing is that you’ve got skills from both sides too (any woman has the potential to operate heavy equipment but most do not have the opportunity to learn).

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If I can’t ‘dress’ I do feel a sense of dysphoria but it is less important if I am alone & busy doing what is perceived to be traditionally male tasks.

Same here, it’s still fun to do guy stuff. On the flipside.. in the years before realising I was trans, there were times when I’d wonder what it’d be like to wear makeup or girly things, but didn’t know why. There was an inexplicable sadness. But now I know where it came from and all is well!

[Anonymous]

During protracted busy periods, I have to go out there and be the agressive and driven chef.Another major part of my life has been as a soldier.Both very macho type occupations. I am /was very good at both. Blokey jobs indeed and fun.I generally keep the ugly/angry Gorilla mask in my back pocket.Used occasionally;It is more effective that way.
My leadership style is mostly consultative,with a more authoritarian style as the situation demands.Most people have fun working with me and want to work with me.Where is this leading?

When I am working I experience a profound sense of loss.I might wear somthing that reminds me of who I am,but that is no real compensation.When I am for long periods,unable to inhabit my female self I feel anxious and unhappy.This is not a fetish or drag fling.This is part of who I am. It is not a Pathology.Nancy Friday in her book “Men in Love”(Arrow Books 2003) Paints a different picture when she quotes Dr Leah Shaefer.Dr Shaefer asserts that by crossdressing;a male is abdicating from the hard ,driven male world into the softer female world.Quote:”Why does masculinity have to be so hard?Being a women is so much easier.”What the book fails to impart is the different parts or types of gender issues.The chapter I quoted from was called “Chapter 19 Transvestites.” Though written in the 1970’s following in the wake of the Kinsey Report.We can anylise all we like all we like but what everything comes down to.
Who do you FEEL you are.xN

[Anonymous]

Andi, thank you for your initial post, the timing is spot on for where I’m at right now. I’ve been on this Tg journey since approximately September last year. I started consciously & very deeply exploring my feelings about my gender in February this year, dressed as a woman daily since March (not at work) & presenting full time since July. It’s been a turbo charged (there’s the car cue) ride so far & at the forefront of my mind on a daily basis.
In my previous reply I incorrectly stated that on two occasions I have woken up not feeling like a woman. I have never woken up feeling like a woman but then…I have never woken up feeling like a man either, I have however woken up for all of my life knowing I am male. Much of that time with little thought to gender related issues but my entire life knowing that I was somehow different. The problem was I didn’t know what I was different to or what the feeling was. I chose not to marry & determined never to have children…I had this sense I was different, that somehow I was ‘wrong’. Today I don’t choose to describe myself as wrong, I am however different to the majority of people I engage with. Since starting to transition to live as others perceive a woman to be, I have experienced the discomfort of standing out in the crowd. As a younger person I was happy to confront society with my weird & wonderful self expression but as an adult I have a need to rely on that same society for my income. I also don’t particularly wish to be gawked at whilst going about my day to day life – it happens daily i.e; I don’t ‘pass’.
The relevance of this to your post is that; even though I don’t feel I am one or the other of the binary choices of gender & I don’t believe it is possible to ‘identify’ myself as some other option (other than gender fluid etc), I do wish to display myself as being affiliated with females/women but I am not necessarily a girlie girl & I don’t intend to change my daily activities. The problem is, that it can at times be quite tiring & /or uncomfortable trying to explain to the average person who understands gender as binary, that I wish to present as a woman but don’t necessarily feel like a man or a woman. Just a few more thoughts.