Neighbours. How to – what to – when to, tell them

[Anonymous]

I’ve done a hell of a lot of coming out to people of recent and I have learnt a few things

1) It better you tell them than them to catch you and start to gossip

2) People do appreciate honesty

That has been my experience

[Anonymous]

Hi Sally,
I don’t know how well you know them.

If you know them well then
As per your 2;
a, Work at a drag club or
b, Got a new job at a drag club.

c, At first you can ask then in general discussion how they feel about people who work at drag clubs and then tell them a, b or back to the drawing board for another ideas. If there is a bit of negativity, I would laugh about it and say “Guess what good payng job I landed ……..”

If they are stangers then
d, Go out until they confront you and then tell the above b.

One of the neighbours having kids, the job approach my be safer and less complicated. Once they get used to you then you can tell them more down the track a bit if you want to. A bit by bit approach which is my favourite, each case being unique.

In a general discussion you can manouver for information. It may even happen a brother or sister is a transgenderer. Then you can let out a little more quickly. Depends on the discussion. Play it by ear.
I would prefer to get their opinions in general way before opening up first in any form. Who knows, maybe someone they know could be actually working as a drag queen. If it is so, then the last thing you want is for them to ask, “which club to you work for?”.

Georgette

[Anonymous]

Hi again

Georgette
I have lived in this community for 3 years.
The guy over the road actually helped me move some heavy stuff inside.
I know them all well enough to chat over the fence, go in and have a coffee with them. They all know Im a carer so talking ailments and injuries happens and family stuff as well.

I guess I know them to a dregee and the trouble is they think they know me!

Sally

[Anonymous]

me
i live at end of street, in unit
people have seen me as jess
people in units fine,(2 oldies)
better to be upfront,
if you see them, say hi and wave
honesty is better.
not telling truth, will get you in more trouble.
byeeee
jess

[Anonymous]

I’ve been full-time for over 20 years. I’ve had very good neighbours and have never felt the least need to explain anything. I’m just living my life.

Infrequently, usually at work, I’ve had people make enquiries, including, “have you had the operation”. Would you ask someone if they’ve had a hysterestomy or a vasectomy. “Have you had breast augmentation?”

If your neighbours feel a need to ask, tell them in very general terms. End of story.

If you’re being open with how you live – walking to car, etc., then you’re hiding nothing. Give them a wave if they happen to be outdoors at these times. Show the neighbours you are hiding nothing. There is nothing to be ashamed of anyway

Enjoy living your life. I’m a Community Nurse. I visit people in their homes. I’m all but 6 foot tall and have a nice baritone voice. The vast majority really don’t care

Blessings
Christina

[Anonymous]

Hi Sally,

It has been said that the vast majority don’t care. I agree, however these are neighbours and you have to live there in peace and no gossip. Sure be up front, but I personally would still take it cautiously as per previous.

People may or may not understand. The may is nice but the may not’s can be a problem, but you don’t know that.

As before, my opinion is to have a chat, tell them about the new job and the next time they see you, you fully dressed and a friendly wave would not go astray.

There are many self opinionated people out there and a lot of these opinionated people draw their oppinions from heresay, not facts. I am in a bedding business and it amazing how mentally backward the majority of chiropractors really are. There are the minority yahoo’s who can cause a lot of stink. Many of the wars in this world are caused by minorities.
It is these minorities we all have to look out for. We are harmless but there are public minorities who don’t think, and live off the opinions of other heresays. These are the ones who we need to look out for. There is a lot of publicity about one particular person in the news. We cannot afford to make mistakes and let one of these yahoo’s make a uninformed opinion by connecting dots that don’t exist.
Some say come out straight away, fine, it works for them. I am not to critise in anyway. It may even work for you. As I have said many times each case in unique and you are the best judge of that.

We are all here to give personal account to give you our best

Georgette

[Anonymous]

Thanks girls, for your responses.

I have read your answers many times over.
This bit I know. IT IS MY LIFE AND I SHOULD BE ABLE TO LIVE IT AS I WISH
I, well at the moment think that I will try to have an over the fence chat to sound them out.
Its a few weeks untill I have an early evening outing planned. This will give me time to get a “Plan of attack” together.

If all else fails, I will just shut the dooor from the outside, walk to the car, wave (if needed) and prey that the house isnt burnt to the ground when I get home.

Thanking you all again

Hugs
Sally

[Anonymous]

Going fulltime I guess is a little bit different in someways because I was not going back. People seem to understand the idea that I was a girl in a guys body and that I was going to change.

It was harder in the ealier time as they did not understand that I was part girl part guy and they just could not get their head around this.

I had a whole town to come out to, so I started with people that knew me really well and I knew I could trust. I stayed away from word that had sex in it and kept it away from any term used in a man mag. I used Gender, and also terms that refed to me as she … like she has changed her gender, instead of he has changed his gender. This reinfored the fact of I was always a girl.

People seem to want to understand a struggle more than a new fad or like. I had stuggled with this all my life and now I am sorting it out ….. instead of I am now trying this new thing …

Once they get the idea how it is a bit thing that you have been struggling with that is non sexual, they then tell you how brave and strong you are and how proud they are of you.

So basicly when I first started I made them understand I was wanting to go fulltime and there would be a long time of adjustment, where I could be in either gender for different reasons, it seemed to be a bit easier.

Hope this helps.

xxxx

Kelly Jones

[Anonymous]

Well I had made my mind up TODAY IS THE DAY I TELL MY NEIGHBOURS

I have just got back from a chat with the guy over the road…
How do I feel GREAT!!!

Had a bit of a general hows it going chat and then said I needed to have a chat.

I just came straight out and said “that now that its day light savings every couple of saturdays I will be going to my car dressed as a girl.”
His response “Kool”
I told him i had been fighting it for years and that I decided no more fighting and that i had joined a club in melbourne and go to a pub to see friends.
Then I told him im keeping very low profile around town. He said he understood my reasons… as the person who fixes his computer was Jack and is now Jackie… he then said he had to rush off but he would be home in an hour and invited me over for a beer…

What else needs to be said…

I did what i set out to do, it happened, it was alot easier than anticipated, and the outcome was more than i had hoped for.

A HUGE THANKYOU to all the girls who answered my original post, I have read all the answers many times over to get to today

xxx
Sally

[Anonymous]

Hi Sally,
I still prefer the cautious approach for reason explained earlier.

Straight down the line has worked for you and you won, CONGRATULATIONS.

I bet that’s a load off your mind

Georgette

[Anonymous]

Wow Sally congratulations. the first step has been done. That is a great outcome, and even if you have problems with others it looks like he will be on your side for real.

Good luck and you will feel a lot more free with a few more people that know and support you.

xxx

Kelly Jones

[Anonymous]

Hi I haven’t told the people living around me yet I guess my next door Neighbours know but they haven’t said anything but im not sure about the guy downstairs he is a bit strange and im not sure how he would react to the hole thing. All the girls know in my TAFE class their im just one of the girls anyway.
On the other hand I went to a job interview the other day in a posh salon she was asking me about my style when I go out to clubs and things so I told her that I go as a girl she said that was cool so fingers crossed hope I get a trail cause it would be a great place to work I would get to wear like makeup everyday n stuff would be my dream come true ok see ya lov Chels xxxxxxxxxx

[Anonymous]

I just let things be, your neighbours will look and most times look away. But gossip will begin, there is always a price to be paid, but thats life.
they talk even if you did not dress.

[Anonymous]

Quote:

I just came straight out and said “that now that its day light savings every couple of saturdays I will be going to my car dressed as a girl.”
His response “Kool”

hehe – good for you! I love uncomfortable situations like this. Also – the fact that you can give him exact times that you will be a girl! That’s a conversation he’ll remember for a long time to come.

Great work – that took guts.

I’ve found the trick to being accepted is to be “weird” to begin with. The neighbors don’t need any explanation when I rock down the stairs dressed as a truly bizarre looking gothic gurl. They just think to themselves – it’s one of the people from “that” flat again.

Love Hex