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Obviously I have too much time on my hands…
I’ve often said, generally in the wee small hours of the morning at some seedy nightspot whilst musing with the other girls (you know those times when you’re sorting out the world’s problems or philosophically discussing whether the universe is a molecule inside a table leg etc) that being Emma is just like being Batman, or Batgirl, but without the Butler, Batmobile, or inclination to fight crime.
There are lots of similarities between The Batman and we ladies. The Batman keeps his true identity secret. He generally only goes out at night. He is motivated by an inner desire he can’t let go of. The Batman has Commissioner Gordon as a confidante, Emma has the Door Bitch at Lotus Lounge and you would have something similar.Emma sits at my very core and she is never far away from my ear as I go about my daily grind disguised as “Bruce Wayne”. She slows my walk as I wander past clothes and shoe shops, she sends my eyes discretely following what women are wearing out in the street “tut tutting” when she sees things that are clearly unsuitable for the wearer and offering a “hmmm” when she sees something that might suit her walking past. She has an opinion on social issues and frames my thinking around them. As a boofy old Australian Rules footballer, Bruce Wayne is surprisingly thought of by all who know him as “quite progressive” in his thinking and a man who “gets” women. The clues are all there for the observant types but no one ever suspects. I shall give you a few examples of both:
• In Gotham City, who else BUT Bruce Wayne could possibly afford all that stuff The Batman has.
• Occasionally, someone will say to me “Hey!? Do you shave your legs? How come you’re doing that you big poof?” I generally reply “I do Masters cycling and you have to get with the program!” This is universally accepted by whichever Neanderthal has asked despite the clear evidence that they have never seen me on a bike or heard anything about me doing Masters cycling EVER. The fastest I ever move is when someone calls “last drinks”.
• Despite The Batman’s close working relationship with the best detective on the GCPD Commissioner Gordon has never worked out who The Batman is. Wouldn’t that be first on his list to work out? Not one of his super-villain adversarys has worked it out either.
• Our local footy club has an ageing dishwasher. I was having a beer there last Thursday night with a group of blokes when one of them noticed a slight tinge of red lipstick on the glass I was using. “Hey – you’ve got lipstick there! Are you one of them crossdresser girlyboy types? Ha ha ha ha ha” (picture loud laughter by all standing around the table). “Yes” I said “Most Saturday nights I leave here, throw some clubwear on and a bit of makeup, some killer heels, and head out on the town – it’s great fun you should try it”. More laughter, then back to discussions on football. It delights me when I lie with the entire truth.
It would be fabulous to have a Batcave it must be said. A hidden place accessed only by a secret entrance where you could have rows and rows of clothes and shoe racks and a kick arse makeup table. No problems there with the Christadelphians knocking on the front door while you’re trying to get your shapewear sorted or mum just “dropping in” whilst she is passing and you’ve just put your foundation on. In a way though, we all have a Batcave but it is generally a hidden drawer, or a suitcase, or something equally as unremarkable wherein our femme form resides patiently for us to access her. It is no less as wondrous going to these places as when Bruce Wayne pushes a button and the bat-suit is revealed but it is distinctly low tech by necessity. I reckon that Bruce Wayne feels stronger/faster/tougher when he has the black lycra on and I know when I’m dressed I feel sexier, flirtier, and often drunker – but that is a separate issue.
There was really no point to this post other than I saw the quote right at the bottom here quite randomly and it got me thinking. . I shall not bore you with my other superhero analogy about the similarities between the story of Christ and the story of Superman….wherein a superior being sends his only son to earth…we don’t hear much about either between the time they are young boys and 31 yo….they both have ordinary jobs…ah, you get the picture.
“Bruce Wayne is just the mask that The Batman wears in public” – DETECTIVE COMICS #577
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11 Replies
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Good article, Emma. Thank you. I was surprised, you haven’t got a butler or an Emm-amobile? I thought we all did.
The night patrol is often the first one we adopt assuming it is safer. No one will see us clearly enough to recognise who and what we are. Then we realise how there are other dangers and how vulnerable we actually are.
I still remember walking the streets not far from my suburban house at 3 in the morning, when a passing car slowed and stopped across the road. No one got out. That was quite disturbing. -
Marvelous piece Emma, one could position vulnerability (e.g. when a car stops near you on a dark street) as a consequence of what the outfit says in he broadest sense; it’s a “f** you”to the norms of he prejudiced. the confused and the fearful (of the effect this sexually ambiguous person has on them), and it’s is deliberately designed to induce a state of “femininity” (high heels, tight skirts, make-up) all of which add up to restricted movement, small steps, high visibility (the clothes); under certain conditions you can become a target, sooo you’ve gotta have flawless confidence backed by true capability (Emma comes to mind), and/or go out in groups, go to safe places, etc. etc. or stay at home and take selfies, Hope this wasn’t too much of a rave.
V
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My friend Roxxy pointed out the last time I banged on about this analogy that I do have E(mma)-mail…as opposed to a Bat Signal. She went on to say that it serves the same purpose. I was too busy laughing to be offended lol.
I can’t say I’ve ever felt unsafe walking the streets. I am certainly wary late at night and don’t tend to drift too far off the beaten track. Your experience would have been quite unnerving Claire
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Get busted or bust through is my motto Veronica…I agree that you could become a target in the right (or wrong) situation but all this has given me food for thought and I think it is high time I got my friend Donna to knock me up a kick arse Batgirl outfit with all the accessories.
Next up: fighting crime
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That’s what I mean by ‘flawless confidence” Emma.
V
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Hi Girls, what a great read! Emma, you are so amusing. I really enjoy reading your posts.
I guess I am lucky in having a wife and kids who know Phillippa. My female attire and accessories aren’t hidden away, just take up too much room! I too have used the tell the truth method to answer those uncomfortable inquiries from friends and it never fails! Asked why I shave my legs I answer “because waxing hurts too much”. Never goes any further. I was once sharing a unit with a male friend who found some female clothing in one of my drawers while looking for a sewing kit. When asked whose are the clothes, I answered – mine! He just replied “your ex-wife’s i’ll bet” and that was the end of that. People really don’t wan’t to know.
If I had a Batgirl cave it would certainly have a make-up artist on staff! My car of choice is a bit girly which helps the image and I keep away from any areas or people who might “have a go”! -
Good on you Phillippa…I love a brazen gal who stares the world down lol
But, yes, you are spot on…folks don’t want to know and don’t hammer the point on such matters. These days no one cares. Straight/Bi/Tri/Asexual/Poly/TG/TV/CD/Catholic no one is fussed. Well except maybe the Rev. Fred Nile. Personally I cannot wait for the day when it is revealed that he is in actual fact a mincing weekend nancy boy who goes by the name of Blaize Buttocks.
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Emma,
You need to make your story more inclusive; who are the analogues of the baddies in the Emma Batverse. Who’s your Joker, your Penguin (Fred Nile?) etc etc
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Great point….Penguin is Fred Nile. I was thinking of the others but could only come up with some of our politicians and we definitely don’t want to bring politics into this.
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A very interesting point especially with The.Penguin being Fred Nile. I was going to suggest some other names but I could only come up with some of our politicians and we definitely don’t want to bring politics into this.
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Well, in theory, I couldn’t agree more (even though I think you said that with tongue firmly in cheek), and we’ve let it in already via that aforementioned member of the NSW upper house (a professional politician and activist par excellence). It’s as ‘political’ as hell (and ‘Political’ too). Must not preach, must be more laid back (note to self
)V x x
