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On being ” less than a Man”.
Last night on ABC was the Last Leg Downunder where Adam Hills was hosting his two friends Alex and Josh around OZ and they were at Ularu. They were given a chance to see the Rock from the air but the catch was that the pilot was totally blind ( but an experienced pilot it turns out). Adam was up to it but Josh said no at the start and Alex entertained the notion for a time before getting out of the plane and declining the offer ( chickening out as we say in OZ!!)
As Alex left, Adam called after him to be a man and Alex took great offence at this, saying to Josh that he had undergone many operations bravely but that they were essential and this flight was not. Josh agreed that he was no less ” a man” for declining.What has interested me since is that I was fearful for many years that people would think me less of a ” man” for being Trans and I was desperate to point out the things I was capable of to prove the point that they were wrong ( noone who matters did think that it transpires).
It was not that I was ashamed of the woman side but on reflection I realized that I was afraid of being thought weak. Over time I came to see how emotionally strong many woman are and I no longer feel this way to the same degree but it was the stereotypical thoughts of the Aussie male that I was channeling and their opinion that I was fearful of.
Weakness and vacuous thinking are the female stereotype but most of my friends do not act this way, they are realized and capable women as was my Mum and sister but I guess we absorb our cultural surroundings until we can sort out who we really are, what is real and what is just fear and ego.What are your thoughts on this?
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5 Replies
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Isn’t this one of the many great things about exploring a trans nature. Learning to be strong as a women, seeing other ways men can be strong, be strong as trans and taking all these things so we can be strong with ourselves?
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Christina I saw this program too & I think you’re reading too much into it. Surely the whole ‘Be a man’ thing has been relegated to the ‘Blue is for boys, pink is for girls’ dustbin of history by anyone with any sense. I’m amazed & disappointed that the comment wasn’t edited out. It was clearly typical Adam Hills behaviour in trying to be so funny & clever all the time. Yes he is a likeable & insightful character, well suited to host/straight-man roles of shows like ‘Spicks & Specks’ & ‘The Last Leg’ (the latter has become one of my favorite shows). However someone needs to take him aside & explain that he is nowhere near as funny as he likes to think he is. I’ve tried watching some of his ‘stand up comedy’ shows & have always had to give up. Last night’s was typical – barely five minutes into the show he was already discussing clitoris’ & had humiliated an interpreter for the deaf & a 12-year old boy about his testicles dropping etc. Contrast that with say, Dara O’Briain doing a similar show the night before – I had tears streaming from someone who is genuinely witty & clever, not having to resort to cheap smut & endless use of the ‘f’ word like Adam & so many of today’s so-called comedians. Anyway, having the courage to ‘Be our selves’ (however difficult) is surely the way forward, not succumbing to the sort of cheap, school yard bullying that Adam displayed in that segment. Regards, Pam. P.S. I wonder what Adam would have (posthumously) said to Alex if the plane had indeed crashed!
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Pamela, my point was not about Adam Hills and his thoughtless comment but that I had feared being seen as weak for much of my life. His comment was merely the catalyst for my remembering these memories.
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Fair enough, but how do you know that you are “being seen as weak” until someone says something? My point was that ignorant people say ignorant things & smart people (like Adam Hills) sometimes say ignorant things (in this case trying to score a cheap laugh) & the only way to deal with it is to rise above it. I’ve wasted around 50-years battling the “Not a real man” issue – being skinny, wearing glasses, hopeless at sport, having a big nose, being a nerd etc – let alone desperately hiding my trans issues (totally unacceptable when I was a kid). So yes it really hits a nerve with me too when I hear comments like that, but I’m (slowly) learning that it’s OK to be me. As others have said in other forums, I don’t even worry about “not passing” any more (well, maybe a teensy bit), I’m just happy being me – it’s probably the ‘strongest’ thing I can do with my life.
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I like the idea that is “are we man enough to be the woman within”.
