Our children at school

[Anonymous]

This is a tough one Jana, my daughter knew about me when she was little, though publicly , I was fairly discreet and hard to pick ( in those days). I told her that I was not a secret but that some kids would tease her about it and that it was up to her to choose who she told. This seemed to work and she told me later that she didn’t tell many because she wanted them to know me and not judge me with a stereotype. I thought that it was very mature of her.

Incidentally, a year or so back, one of the girls at the preschool where she worked, said to her ” my Dad likes to wear a dress ” and my daughter smiled and said ” does she darling, so does mine!”

We want to protect our kids but others may laugh at them for all sorts of reasons , I got it because my Mum was fat. I think that the best we can do is to make them resilient enough to handle it and educate the teachers to enable them to support the kids when this stuff happens. It will do no one any good for you to hide yourself or make it a secret for your daughter.

[Anonymous]

Hi Jana,

I was living f/t when my son was born. With school I refused to be “invisible”. I know I’m a quiet person but I remember arriving to collect my then 5 & 6 year old son from After School Care – “you’re mum’s here”. “No. That’s my dad”.

Hopefully, those kids with grow up with a positive perception of gender variant people

If you just behave like any other committed caring parent the other kids will see you as just another parent. I suppose the hard thing for your daughter is if there are negative comments coming from mum, especially of the nature of ‘it must be so embarassing’. Not being allowed to acklowledge his mother is a lesbian has been harder for my son.

Just be yourself. It’s who you are.

Hugs
Christina

[Anonymous]

Quote:

I could do with some advice or support of others who have young children especially at school age.

My little boy is not so little now, he’s 15 and met his “father” as a woman for the first time about a month ago. Those who live in Brisbane and listen to TripleM will have heard him on the radio around that time when they asked him what he thought about his father becoming a woman. What he thought was very clear to me when he actually showed me off to his friends.. He introduced me to his friends by saying, “hey come meet my dad, he’s a woman!” …!

Quote:

However the other day she had to tell the class something about her dad, and of course she said, “he wears make up, and dresses like a girl”, to which apparently the class all laughed at her, and thought it was a joke, which had preturbed her, in as much she never told me, but I heard from another mother, who’s son had told her.

That is such a shame and so hard to deal with. You can take heart though a couple of years ago a survey was done throughout Aussie primary schools and they identified that the top two phrases bullies would use against their victims are:

1/ You’re Gay!
2/ You’re girl!

The survey also identified that in most cases neither the bully nor the victim knew about sexual preference or what being gay really meant…

The survey identiifed primary schools as being the leading source of homophobic and transphobic attitudes. Fortunately someone saw fit to address the issue, and accordingly teachers are being taught and teaching that its ok to be Gay or Transsexual, and they have been stamping out bullying as much as possible.

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I have always feared bringing this upon my daughter, now its here. Like I say the teachers are aware, as are a lot of the mothers, and I thank the ones who are open minded so much, of course there are the few that wont like me, and its these one’s, childrens, that I worry about. I feel for my little girl if she is going to be riddiculed, and made fun of. How can I best protect, and help her? Is there anyone else who has, or is going thru this kind of thing?

Talk to the school (in particular the teacher concerned – asap), and express your concerns to them. You should find them 100% supportive and may have already put things into place to resolve issues. If they ask what to do about it, or what you want them to do about it, let them know that the “laugh” was inappropriate and that the teacher involved should have stopped it. Maybe suggest that they hold a talk about men that dress as women and women that dress as men, perhaps get some people in to talk about it, to meet them etc.. (there are many like me that always take opportunity to meet people to spread the word that being transgendered is OK.) One has to remember the ages of the children though, the talk has to be on a very high level, something fun, something to teach them that people are all different and it’s wrong to laugh at someone because they are different.

Take care,

Shells
xx

[Anonymous]

Quote:

Talk to the school (in particular the teacher concerned – asap), and express your concerns to them. You should find them 100% supportive and may have already put things into place to resolve issues. If they ask what to do about it, or what you want them to do about it, let them know that the “laugh” was inappropriate and that the teacher involved should have stopped it. Maybe suggest that they hold a talk about men that dress as women and women that dress as men, perhaps get some people in to talk about it, to meet them etc.. (there are many like me that always take opportunity to meet people to spread the word that being transgendered is OK.) One has to remember the ages of the children though, the talk has to be on a very high level, something fun, something to teach them that people are all different and it’s wrong to laugh at someone because they are different.
Take care,
Shellsxx

Well said Michelle…… I could have started this topic myself. My 9 year old boy goes to my old Primary School. I haven’t had many problems as we mainly just do a drive through and the kids just hop in the car.
There were a group of three or four kids that knew that his “Dad” picked him up and they said” James ‘ Dad looks like a woman” …fortunately this seems to be just a one-off that has been forgoton.
My ex and I decided I should at lease tone back a bit while at the school.
So…..the other week I had forgoten his tuck-shop lunch order so when I returned I got chatting to the tuck Shop Lady about food, etc. We had a nice chat and at Lunch time when she saw my boy she said….
“Oh, I was chatting to your Mum today ! ” My boy said “my Dad !” lol.
I had my hair back and just wore black slacks & a T-shirt. She is still just as friendly as ever.
I asked my Psyc recently if she thought it was a good idea to get him some counciling just in case and she it agreed it was probably a good idea as long as the councilor specialised in children.
So I guess it would do no harm, yes ?
Hugs
Monique

[Anonymous]

Thank you all so much for your ideas, and great pieces of advice. My ex and me have had a chat, albiet via email, and resolved that its our daughters best interest that is important. She will support my lifestyle choices, and wont discredit me to our daughter. She was upset to think our girl will have to deal with this, but we both have full faith that through love and support we can help her through the tough times. I am fortunate to have some great mothers at the school who accept me, her teacher is well aware of me and I dont feel she would ever tolerate any bullying associated with the topic. I will try and see if there is any agenda concerning teaching tolerance to non conventional familys, hopefully at least it exposes trangendered people upon everyday society, and that we live and have to deal with everyday life like everyone else. I know all this will make my daughter all the much bigger and better person eventually. After posting about the same topice on my Facebook page, I know there is a lot of support for me, and inturn her too, from friends. I just dont want anything like this being responsible for the like of what has been happening to teenagers across the country, where bulling has cost them the ultimate price, this was my biggest fear. I hope that if the majority of her associates are aware from perhaps a younger age, by the time she reaches those turbulant teenage years, this will not be such an issue for her to deal with.

My many thanks to your posts, have given me some great thoughts, and especially to know I m not the only one that has had to deal with this.

xxx

[Anonymous]

As a possible interesting addition to this post , the other day I was spending time with my daughter and her new baby , who is 7 months old and at the ” everything must be touched” stage.
While we were talking and I was lying near my granddaughter, she reached out and very deliberately touched my red toenails. I said to my daughter, ” I wonder what she will think of my lifestyle when she is older?”
My daughter replied, “she will just think it’s normal and it won’t be a problem”
I was very heartened by that comment and have no regrets about my honesty all those years ago.