Outed by teenage daughter

[Anonymous]

Thats great Clare, I don’t know about you but I would want to know what and how your Wife explains it to your children. I would want to be there to answer any questions that they may have. I also think its better to front up to such issues with your family rather than seen to be hiding.

You may have a different opinion but its just how I would want to handle that situation. I do not know you or your family situation and we all have different ways of dealing with it.

I REALLY do hope it goes well for you and you get acceptance and understanding from your children.

[Anonymous]

WOW!

This will be interesting to follow.

Could it turn bad? I guess so. Be prepared… But probably not? I don’t really know.

From my very limited experience and anecdotal evidence from others people can have very odd reactions when they find out you are TG.

I have had the following reactions:

Shock
Concern
Wonder
Apathy
Condescending sympathy (you poor boy – that kind of thing)
and…

curiously the most common reaction has been:

Sexual interest.

hehe – People get that weird look in their eyes. You must know the one.

Anyhow, enough about me.

I agree with Anthea, but my opinion may not be worth much. I think a one on one with each family member might be the go.

What might happen is that you end up being a lot closer to them after this perhaps? Reveal intimate details about yourself to them and they may feel more comfortable doing the same with you.

[Phillippa]

Hi there, long time since my last post. Have been through this myself. A few things to know. It would be best to be there, I did the deed in person without my wife present. The main thing is to assure them that you are still their father and do those dad sort of things and that you love them! Answer any questions honestly. My 9 yo twins and 20yo son are fine with it now. It feels great!

[Anonymous]

Thank you Anthea, Hexa and Philippa,

I know, you’re right!!! I’ll be there.

Of the 16-year-olds, Kate will think it’s a hoot…she’s just had her head shaved for a Cure, so she’ll be glad to have someone else take the centre stage.

Lucinda will be tickled pink, and happy to have been proven right.

Maddie at 15 will go all quiet for a while, but after a couple of days she’ll be Ok, although she won’t want to know anything more about it.

Lily at 12 will probably brag to all her friends about it and tease me mercilessly, but that’s OK…she’s full of fun.

And the two littlies (5 and 7) don’t need to be told just yet.

So it’ll be alright, and thank you and bless you for being there for the Big Event…I’ll let you know the outcome nexy week!

Love, Clare 😆

[Anonymous]

I hope it all goes well. You seem to have a good handle on how each one will deal with it.

6 daughters and a wife… WOW! And their Dad like to dress as a girl! It has got to work.

I have 2 teenage daughters who live at home. My wife is not ready, yet, for them to know. The 15 year old is older enough and together enough to deal with it, and will not be altogether surprised (my shaved legs and long fingernails are a bit of a give away!). I suspect she will want to give me a make-over when she finds out. She is very femme.

However, my 13 year is dealing with her own sexuality/gender issues – very tomboyish as a child, like girls more than boys now, being teased at school about being “gay”, “emo” – so that is why my wife is moving more cautiously.The youngest knows I shave all over and thinks it is weird, but in cool way.

I just hate the hiding it from them and the tension it creates in me. I suspect my wife will relent soon.

Christine

[Anonymous]

Clare what a great and well needed post.

I live alone and am not full time. I have a 36-year-old daughter and 34 -year-old son.

Neither knows. Basically the reasons are: Would it benefit them or me if they knew. Would it harm our relationship. And, as the US military says on a ‘need to know’ basis.

I think it is an absolutely personal decision. I also think we carry a great amount of unecessary guilt and feel we need to ‘clear our conscience’…

Simply, decide as you feel fit. In the end it boils down to who it might disturb and who not.

Also I think when children are told they seem to handle it okay, but will that continue?

No one knows the answer. We are all individuals with different kids….When I tell someone other than my family, I simply and honestly say I don’t attack old people, rape young women and I am certainly not a petaphile…it is just a hobby.

It is an individual situation…Best of luck Clare X Amberr

[Anonymous]

Hi ladies,

Well, you never never know if you never never go!

You could knock me down with a feather…now that the three big girls know about Clare, things are very different at home.

They’re more relaxed in my company, they seem to be more at ease with me, they are gently teasing me and including me in their fun. There’s a funny little undercurrent of innuendo and double entendre going on all the time.

I guess I’m nowhere as frightening now that they understand about Clare…I’ve moved from big male person to big not-quite-as-male person.

They all want to come to a Seahorse meeting (I said no!) and nobody was really surprised to any degree.

I am over the moon! There are so many benefits to having them know…I’m sure they’ll all want to help with makeup and colours and all that.

I think back to all those years when I was full of shame and guilt, when I couldn’t inagine telling my loved ones for the terror of them rejecting me, and of it being broadcast all over the school and the town. 😳

But now I don’t feel any shame. I think I would actually enjoy being outed publicly…I know it won’t happen, because the girls are too careful of their own social standing…but it’s nice to think that it wouldn’t matter.

I hope that my experience will give encouragement to other girls out in trannyland who are agonising about telling the family. I know that secrets are corrosive, and I’ve two divorces to prove it!!!! 🙄

Bless all your hearts, Clare

[Anonymous]

Fantastic news, Clare.

You and your wife have brought your girls well be to open-minded accepting people.

I know my girls will be the same; it just a question of when my wife will ready to tell them. She and my youngest are about to go OS for a month. I think after they get back will be the time to raise this.

Again, well done.

Christine

[Alice]

Quote:

And the two littlies (5 and 7) don’t need to be told just yet.

I’d suggest otherwise, actually.

From everything I’ve ever found, the younger they are when they find out, the more accepting they are in the long term.

My 3yo son has known essentially since birth, as a number of Seahorse NSW members can attest.

Alice

[Anonymous]

Quote:

I have 2 teenage daughters who live at home. My wife is not ready, yet, for them to know. The 15 year old is older enough and together enough to deal with it, and will not be altogether surprised (my shaved legs and long fingernails are a bit of a give away!). I suspect she will want to give me a make-over when she finds out. She is very femme.

My wife and youngest daughter (13) left for a four weeks overseas trip two days ago. I was thinking of telling my 15 year old about Christine at some point.

This evening she asked to go out with her boyfriend to the movies. He will pick her up from her music lesson, go to the movies, and get back late-ish. “OK, no problem. Will you be coming home before you go to the pictures”, “No, we will go straight there”. “OK, great, have a good night”, thinking of an evening en-femme with short shopping trip.

I am home from the trip just 5-10 minutes… there is a knock on the door. “OMG, one of the neighbours has spotted me and is going to confront me”. The knocking persists, “yes, who is it?” “It’s me, Dad, I need to get some money”.

I think to myself “Oh shit, I am fully en-femme, makeup, fully dressed. It will take me 10 minutes to get back it boy-mode”, “Is your boyfriend with you?”, “No, he is in the car waiting”.

I go to the door, “Prepare yourself for a surprise… I am dressed up as a woman”, and I let her in. She is totally amazed. “I had no idea”, she is all smiles, to my relief. “Wow, you look really nice”. I give her a very brief rundown, conscious of boyfriend waiting in the car… Doing it all my life… Mum knows about it.. why did you think I shaved my legs… who really owned the old wig… why I went to Sydney recently for a couple of “meetings”.

She was great about it… “It is not a problem, Dad”. I am proud that I have brought my kids up to be so open-minded. “Don’t tell boyfriend or let Mum know I have told you just yet.”. “Maybe you can give me some make-up tips”. Boyfriend is knocking at the door and she disappears off with him.

This was not what I consciously planned to do, but obviously my unconscious wish for her to find out put me in the place where I had to out myself to her. I am glad I did.

Christine

[Anonymous]

After my daughter got back from the movies, we sat up to 2.30am talking about everything, going through my wardrobe, discussing makeup, family stuff, all sort of things. She is a terrific young woman… totally accepting and loving. I am so lucky.

Christine

[Anonymous]

I have read all the articles on here with reference to coming out, telling the family, How to, What not to do etc, and I have found that if you are going to come out full time it is imperative you tell the family, but beware of the reaction you may or may not get.

1. Complete rejection.
2, Some rejection eg: go ahead and do it but I don’t want to see it
3. Complete Acceptance eg We will help you through your transition

There will be other things to consider as well, what happens if you are caught out by surprise by someone outside the family and they tell someone in your family about you, that in itself will hurt more than you telling your family. At least if you say something you can have some sort of control over the outcome.

If you just want to dress occasionally then I suggest not saying anything because it may hurt your family more than you think.

It all goes back to just how much you enjoy being a Woman more than a male and just how far you want to take your life, we only have one life so the decisions you make in your life time should be your own and through the heart and not the head.

I have lost my entire family because of my wanting to come out and be a woman full time. I told my 4 daughters a number of years ago and they have rejected me since. So as I said before be carefull on how and when you tell your family and take a long look at where YOU want to be in the future. It is not to be taken lightly

[Anonymous]

great topic
I accepted true self two years ago nopw to pointof going on hormones
didnt do it well with telling my kids. I spent 6 months researching the net re family reactions those who hav cahnged and are happyy there reasonsfor it those who are not happy whey thre not and to me effect on family and kids. I gotimpression usually 2 years with most kids max was time it took for acceptance.
I had eldest call me for my birthday as im in perth kids in vic. She said you stil the kewl dj with an ear ring. i SAID ERRR i have two hun and im changing gender. She hung up and wrote a poem she later showed me about betrayel and beeing lied to. She has after 6 months accepted me and we are closer than ever she is 17 now my 14 year old daughter 11 year old daughter and my son who is 8 are all ok with it. I regret not beeing more open aboutit.
I may be wrong but believe if you tell kids young enough or youngthey are fine. My kids asked me what aboutif we in a mall your in vic and i embarresed to call you dad to friends or in publice. I decided there feelings matter also so saod saythis is jess from perth as it isnt a lie.
Since then they have told friends and there friends think its great asnd have told them if your dad is happier and still loves you sameisnt that what matters. My second daughter and eldest have bee nto perth stayed we have girls days out shopping.
Just waitingon parents to accept itbut im 42 was 41 when they found out:)
Its a emotional release to be out to be livign as true self and i believe asit frees up ones self it in its own time with kids has plusses just somekids accept quicker than others butlove always wins through
good luck to all:))