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Pathological Narcissism
Something I’ve noticed in the trans community that seems to be different from other groups (aside from the dressing, gender dysphoria, etc.) is a much greater level of narcissism. Is it a possible cause of dysphoria or is it correlated with it OR is the narcissism caused by the dysphoria?
Some narcissism is so extreme it borders on full blown NPD (Narcissictic Personality Disorder)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissistic_personality_disorder
I have it (to a certain extent) but try to mask it. Other girls have it and are unaware of it – I think a symptom is the multi hour “one sided conversation” where a girl will talk for hours about herself without asking anything about the person she is talking to. I’ve had nights out where I’ve met some new girl and by the end of the night I know everything about her and she knows nothing about me. It’s not that I don’t want to talk about myself all night its just I recognise the signs of the narcissistic demon creeping in and I try to control it.
The sad thing is that some girls don’t and they end up having no friends and getting ostracized for their perceived lack of social skills. The thing about NPD is that it is a mental disorder – it’s just how someone is, they can’t help it. Being aware of it is very helpful though. Check out this quote from Wikipedia about the reasons behind it:
“NPD is considered to result from a person’s belief that they are flawed in a way that makes them fundamentally unacceptable to others.[19] This belief is held below the person’s conscious awareness; such a person would typically deny thinking such a thing, if questioned. In order to protect themselves against the intolerably painful rejection and isolation that (they imagine) would follow if others recognized their supposedly defective nature, such people make strong attempts to control others’ view of them and behavior towards them.”
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9 Replies
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Hexa,
I think it may be an insecurity whilst communicating in a setting where you have removed yourself from your normal safe envelope. You are stressed to the point where you retreat into a comfort zone and that is talking about yourself hoping that it’ll help get rid of the nerves.
I don’t believe its showing you or the other person is wanting to rule the meeting, I honestly believe its stress taking over.
Hugs
Helen xxx
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That NPD stuff sounds scary…
I think i’m symptomatic…
Somebody please stop me next time I rattle on about myself …
CLARE.
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I have a problem with some of the terms used by the Mental health crowd to label behaviours which are not so unusual if viewed in the right context.
Many a trans person has spent a lifetime ashamed, fearful, angry and full of self loathing and in the closet . They then find themselves in a safe enough place to be able be open about their lives , is it any wonder that they go on about themselves??There may be a lot to say!
Perhaps theyare aware that in a short time they must go back to that lonely place?
The best thing , I think, when in a position where someone is monopolizing the conversation ( and I can’t prattle on about MYSELF!!) is to be open and say” righto my turn now!!” and go for it.
I once saw a Psychologist label a young boy as borderline personality disorder and begin discussing intervention and treatment for the poor kid when his mother was dying, fobbing off his questions and ignoring his grief.He was acting out his pain at school but his behaviour was seen as BPD. I am very suspicious of psychological labelling I’m afraid.
The context is everything. -
Quote:I think it may be an insecurity whilst communicating in a setting where you have removed yourself from your normal safe envelope. You are stressed to the point where you retreat into a comfort zone and that is talking about yourself hoping that it’ll help get rid of the nerves.
I don’t believe its showing you or the other person is wanting to rule the meeting, I honestly believe its stress taking over.
Sure, maybe this covers some of it and it can certainly be stressful putting yourself out there. I often forget how much guts it takes just to tell someone you are trans and going out takes even more guts. hehe – what you are saying is true, you get so relieved when you get someone to talk to you just blurt everything out.
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Quote:The best thing , I think, when in a position where someone is monopolizing the conversation ( and I can’t prattle on about MYSELF!!) is to be open and say” righto my turn now!!” and go for it.
I once saw a Psychologist label a young boy as borderline personality disorder and begin discussing intervention and treatment for the poor kid when his mother was dying, fobbing off his questions and ignoring his grief.He was acting out his pain at school but his behaviour was seen as BPD. I am very suspicious of psychological labelling I’m afraid.
The context is everything.LOL! I dig your strategy! – the saying out loud “My turn now” strategy. Actually this is fundamentally nicer than mine, which is listen, listen, listen and think to myself “this person is a self obsessed loser” and try to avoid them from that point on. You are right of course, the nice course of action (paradoxically) is to directly tell ’em to shut up (in a jovial way) so they get a chance to listen.
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You could always try the phrase ” silky things feel unusual” or the STFU strategy!!
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I wonder if that is why I always tell people jokes and try to make them smile, so they will like me and remember how happy they were last time they saw me. But it’s much nicer if a friend can tell you when you are becoming annoying rather than let you prattle on and make an ass of yourself.
Maybe that’s the cure for Narcissism, get someone to tell you when enough is enough.
I must agree though Psychologists and the like do have an amazing propensity to put labels on peoples conditions. And where do they find all those long words?
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I know quite a few narcissists. To the best of my knowledge none of them are crossdressers.
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Quote:I wonder if that is why I always tell people jokes and try to make them smile, so they will like me and remember how happy they were last time they saw me.
But then there are those that will use that as a defense mechanism against getting beat up and/or bullied at school. Then again, looking through the link that Hexa posted and thinking about those persons at least one of them fits the profile.
The wikipedia article indicated the following:
Quote:A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:1. has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)
2. is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
3. believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)
4. requires excessive admiration
5. has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations
6. is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends
7. lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
8. is often envious of others or believes others are envious of him or her
9. shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudesNote that it does say 5 or more. Personally I look at the list an can identify 2 of the items that I fit and one other I sorta fit, others may think more of me. I know other girls that do not fit any of the above, and I know a couple of girls that match at least 8 of the 9.
The following question should therefore be posed.
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Is NPD common to the Trans Gender community, or is it just that some NPD people feel TransGenderism is a way to validate themselves?
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Take care,Shells
