Positive responses to being Transgender

[Jennifer_1]

Hi Liz,

You pose a very good question. I never really thought about it but I don’t think anyone has asked me what I think about being transgender and how it affects me and what my feelings are about the situation. Truthfully if I had a choice I would prefer to be “normal”, whatever that is, but I don’t have a choice. I am the way I am.

The feelings of shame, guilt, fear, etc… are part of the baggage that we carry with us, the feelings of self hatred and shame were the hardest to deal with.

The strange thing is that when I finally found the door to the closet and started to emerge from it I found that it was not really that scary “out there”. From time to time those feelings resurface but not with the same intensity or pain. It is not all that scary “out there”, most of the fears are in our heads.

So why is it that others do not ask us about our thoughts and feelings about how we view being trans? I think for most they are probably having enough trouble dealing with their own thoughts and feelings. For me, I am still battling with my own thoughts and feelings and probably always will BUT I am increasingly more comfortable and confident as Jennifer.

Cheers

Jen

[Anonymous]

I am transgender and fortunately or not am happy to be who I am but I can’t say that anyone has ever really ask me how I felt about it. Others have told me how they feeling and I have done the same. I guess it is just the inbuilt selfishness that society develops. The same selfishness that allows people to be greedy and self serving. It is exactly what drives the guilt and shame that so many feel. It’s others , society imposing values and expectations individuals.
For me it was a realization that I can relate to society on my own terms and society can accept me or not I don’t really care . Mostly I find it does accept thought I am not in the habit of entering into in depth discussion with strangers. I have heard of but not yet experienced the degenerate side of society. But I believe that self respect and acceptance is key and you have to give that to yourself.
If you wait for other to give you support or ask the question you may expected to be waiting a very long time, for the self interest of the individual under the influence of society predicts they will think of themselves long before they think of others.

Of course exceptional people will always break the rule. They will be the ones who care to ask.

[Adrian]

Liz asked

Quote:

has anyone asked me how I felt about being trans? the answer was a resounding no.

I can’t buy into the idea that the lack of people asking reflects the “selfishness that allows people to be greedy and self serving”.

I don’t understand why we should expect anyone to ask us how we feel about being “Trans”. Do we walk up to Afro-Americans and ask them how they feel about being coloured? Do we sideline our gay friends and ask them how they feel about being gay? Do we engage those who are left-handed in a discussion about how it feels to be different?

Of course we don’t – it is natural to be gay, transgender, coloured or left handed. So it is not only unexpected to interrogate feelings in this way – it is, I think, rude – because it attempts to highlight differences that which should not need to attract attention.

I’m not saying it is any easier being transgender – but the last thing I look for is sympathy. It is my lot to live a life as who I happened to be, it is 100% natural, and can’t be changed. So I seek acceptance from others – and that means not looking for questions that single me out as being unusual or different.

Perhaps we should be doing the asking…asking our partners more often how they feel about being in a relationship with us!!

[Deleted User]

I think i’ve come a long way in ultimately understanding how I feel and I wouldnt want to change anything at all in terms of “where I am’ on the continuous spectrum of TG wavelengths. I am fixed in a certain wavelength zone, oscillating a little with respect to certain feelings but knowing I wont be going in the direction involving SRS.

I am very happy to have been” born with” or “developed” this particular aspect of personality as otherwise I would never have met some wonderful people . very fortunate to have a partner who is accepting.

Having said that I dont feel I will ever reach the point of telling some people about Caroline.

[Anonymous]

hay liz. like anyone whos a bit different. its a challanging road. in my early years of self discovery i hit the bottle and drugs pretty heavily.afraid and not knowing who i was. self love and acceptance. is the first and greatest thing. its ok to dought and question.but keep your chin up and be proud.no no ones ever asked me either. ive always wanted to discuss myself with others yes still looking for that outlet. i have a medicen for it these days.swimming.

[Elizabeth]

I guess I’m not necessarily in a good space at the moment, but I thank each and everyone for their responses to the question I posed. In the first place, I think I was focussing on those closest to us who may have asked just how it is to be trans. Amanda-Adrian said you wouldn’t ask a black person what is like to be black or a person with a cleft palette what it was like for them to have that defect, no you wouldn’t in a month of Sundays. But then neither would you tell them they were absolutely insane or weirdo’s who should be locked up and the key thrown away for being what they are; yes, you would show them the respect they deserve as human beings.

The only person who asked me the question, ‘how is ity for you?’ are the gurus of transgenderism, Dr Fintan Harte, but then it’s his job. People have asked me many other questions, how is it for you with diabetes?, how was it having a stroke? what was the heart attack like? All were relevant but no one goes down the road of being trans. I really hope such things will change, too late for me but for up and coming generations of gender challenged people it has to change.

[Anonymous]

Liz, I have to agree with you.
Since coming out, to the 4 adults closest to me, none of them have asked that question. One of them has not spoken to me since.
My wife has a right to have issues with it, but not the one snubbing me.
She is acting like she is a victim, but, not one of them asked me how I feel.
Chin up Liz. Lets have a smile on that dial now girl.

Michelle…

[Anonymous]

I feel compelled to tell other women, ..I guess because I do welcome their reaction. This stems from the bond that I feel I have with other women and I have made some female friends since I have ‘come out’. With them that indescribable bond is deep and enduring, much more satisfying to me than with the false blokey back-slapping so-called mates of the male kind, …not that I have many male friends either, my preference for isolation over the years has seen to that, …but I suspect that amongst other women I am accepted. If I am not, then I have a belief that eventually I could influence their thinking in a positive way.

So I have never been asked by any of my girlfriends how I feel. It wouldn’t annoy me even if they did. To have an opportunity to explain my life and circumstances that have set me on this t/g path would be welcome, for they can see how happy I am now. I’m a bit unsure of how my male ‘acquaintances’ would accept me. Still, I feel compelled to explain myself to them also, if only to justify my perceived weirdness these last few years.
I don’t have any male friends who have known me any longer than 10 years or so. Once again, my desire for a private life and the isolation of my secret world always took precedence over forming lasting friendships.
When in the company of other males I have ALWAYS felt insecure, awkward and as if I have never fitted into their world, …but I can’t help but feel that somehow I owe some of them an explanation and an expose` of the real me.
How weird is that ??

[Anonymous]

Hi all,
I have to tell you that I am so happy to be transgendered I could burst!
I have been living for 18 months full-time as a woman, working and socialising and shopping etc all the time with one exception,,,when I have my children for the weekend I dress as a man to save them the embarrassment they feel when they worry that I will be clocked.
It is the most wonderful feeling to be out there as a very tall and broad-shouldered woman, but interpreting the looks as admiration and envy.
I recently sat on a stool in Myers being made up by a lovely lady at the cosmetics counter, noticing the envious glances of the poor drab husbands being dragged through the aisles by their wives. How many of them would have given their left testicle to be in my shoes.
I just adore being transgendered! It is the most wonderful feeling to be the person you are really deep inside.
Embrace your gender!
Glorify in your special place in humanity! Accept that you are special, show the sad mass of humanity that you have the self-respect that allows you to show your real self!

We are the pioneers of the revoution and the end of the stupid belief of the male/female dichotomy…be out and proud.

A very wise person once said “The most valuable thing you can give to your children is to get yourself sorted out”

[Anonymous]

hi ladies,
I wish to thank everyone on this site for their thoughts and comments. I personally have found them very helpful to me personally as a GG partner to joliene.
I fell in love with a cross dressing man and now still love the same person through and post her transition, surgery and transformation.
Open communication has been our saving grace. thankfully she is now able to talk more openly to most people about being a TG woman and I’ve noticed the more open and comfortable we are with ourselves and situation the better it is received by others .
We have made a point of asking people if they wish to discuss any issues and it hasn’t always been easy for joliene especially with her mother who won’t accept things and still calls her her son and by her male name in public.
Personally I’ve realised that I can’t change the way someone thinks but I can change the way I respond to them. We try and surround ourselves with accepting people when possible in our personal space.
We always love to catch up with like minded people and if your ever in the GC drop us a line .

[Elizabeth]

I find an amazing diversity of responses and thinking when it comes to being transgendered. My original thoughts have triggered other ongoing thoughts that for me have never been resolved; until now.
All my life I have never at any time felt comfortable in the company of men and, even when asked really couldn’t explain why. I feel calmer in the company of some, perhaps the more gentler, sensitive male, so I’m not trying to generalise. I like some dancers, writers, sculptors etc. but even then I’m cautous, although most people I know who fit into that catergory are female.
Jannine seemed to sum up my feelings when she said, ‘I have never fitted into their world’. My sentiments entirely, despite me having tried and tried many times to fit in, with little success.