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Purging vs storing
Back in 2000, I posted a series of messages to the then email list for tranny radio about storing stuff when you want to purge in case you want them back later.
Here’s a cut down version of the last email that I did on the subject:
Quote:Purging is when you decide “this is all wrong, and I’m going to stop now. I don’t need all this stuff anymore“. For anybody considering “giving up” crossdressing, the following advice is VERY much worthwhile. I wish I’d had it when I was purging…If you feel the need to purge, the following is my suggested process:
[ul]Clean everything. Instead of throwing everything away or donating it to charity, box it up and ask a friend to store it for you.[/ul]
The instructions I suggest for storage are:
[ul]1. The boxes are to be stored for up to a year.
2. You may want to reclaim them sooner.
3. If you haven’t reclaimed the boxes after a year, the person who has them should ask you if you want them back.
4. If you don’t want to reclaim the boxes, you should specify in advance either
[ul](a) they become the property of the person who has stored them, or
(b) you will dispose of them (particularly if the person doesn’t know about the contents)[/ul][/ul]
The best sort of friend to have store your stuff is another crossdresser. If they understand purging, they will respect your stuff and leave it alone. If you don’t want it back, they can keep it, or share it around with others, etc..I’d be interested to know if anyone has suggestions for changes to the above list of “rules“.
Who is willing to volunteer to store stuff for others? I am, and I know that Judy (one of our esteemed moderators) is. The others who were on the list back in 2000 included Lisa from Adelaide, Monique from the NSW Southern Highlands (did you end up moving to Sydney?), SuziQ from Brisbane and Michelle from Lismore.
For the girls who have offered to do this for others, has anyone actually ever taken up the offer?
Alice
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16 Replies
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Quote:Who is willing to volunteer to store stuff for others? I am, and I know that Judy (one of our esteemed moderators) is. The others who were on the list back in 2000 included Lisa from Adelaide, Monique from the NSW Southern Highlands (did you end up moving to Sydney?), SuziQ from Brisbane and Michelle from Lismore.
For the girls who have offered to do this for others, has anyone actually ever taken up the offer?
I would be only too pleased to store stuff for anyone. I know only too well of the devastating effect of purging.
I think I might add to your list of conditions:
5: A one year extension of storage should you be unsure. Storage not to exceed 2 years.
Other than that I think you are pretty spot on.
I beleive that another cd/tv/ts is possibly the only people that would understand the purge cycle and I would recommend that you store your stuff with someone within those sub sections of society. Even an understanding friend might not respect your issue as much as you hope they will.
Cathii
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Cathii is so right!!
Purging is a very expensive way of “stopping your interest for a while”. I did it once (when the wife had a giant fit) and it cost me a fortune!! If you have a hobby and lose interest, you seldom throw everything away!!
The second time the “toys were thrown out the cot” I simply decided to be rational and put all my stuff in a big black garbage bag and tossed it into the back of the storeroom. Sure enough, everything calmed down a few weeks later and the desire returned (as it always does) and I was able to quickly retrieve my precious bag and continue without any loss.Hang in there, girls, the desire to purge DOES go away completely after a while
Christie
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ihave been there and done that-never again.
if any girls need to store stuff- i am only too happy to store them for you.just get back to me and it will be sorted out
the amount of money you have already spent will make you cry in about 6 months time. -
I think it is a really good idea to store some of your clothes – and even more particularly your photos. I’ve had two major purges in my life and each time I have ditched everything. Actually I think the need to ditch everything seemed quite overwhelming and I’m not sure I would have stored even if that was a viable option..
When I re-started I wished I had kept some of my clothes etc. but I soon built up a new wardrobe. I guess I still miss some of the clothes I had previously but mostly I regret losing my photos. I am very envious of those who have a continuous photographic record of the female part of their lives.
Fiona xx
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Quote:I think I might add to your list of conditions:
5: A one year extension of storage should you be unsure. Storage not to exceed 2 years.
In my experience, I’ve never come across a CD who has stayed in purge denial for more than a few months.
My expectation would always be that the stuff will have been collected in well under 6 months.
That said, I see nothing wrong with your suggestion. If I’m right, that rule would never be used. If I’m wrong, the stuff gathers dust for an extra year.
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Quote:In my experience, I’ve never come across a CD who has stayed in purge denial for more than a few months.
I managed 5 years before breaking down. I suppose my desires might be different to the average CD. I really wanted a normal life, or I thought I did. More than that though I really wanted that girl to stay in my life when I knew that announcing myself as TS would drive her away.It never went away, it was just denied.
Now I am me, the real me, and the purge cycle isn’t ever going to hit me again, oh except I almost purged all the boy clothes until I got this job and had to be boy for another 6 months……
Cathii
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Quote:I simply decided to be rational and put all my stuff in a big black garbage bag and tossed it into the back of the storeroom.
You raised a very good point there.
It is much better to store it yourself if you are able.
I guess that this should go into the first part of the instructions.
[ul]Clean everything. Instead of throwing everything away or donating it to charity, box it up and, if possible, store it somewhere out of the way. If you can’t store it yourself, ask a friend to store it for you.[/ul]
That’s better.Alice
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Quote:I managed 5 years before breaking down.
I think that the longest I managed was about 10 weeks!
Quote:I suppose my desires might be different to the average CD. I really wanted a normal life, or I thought I did. More than that though I really wanted that girl to stay in my life when I knew that announcing myself as TS would drive her away.It never went away, it was just denied.Same story, shorter time. I purged everything except a pair of masectomy forms that I thought I was going to try to sell. I also got my hair cut because that was what she wanted.
I think that every CD eventually realises that, if you have to choose, the CDing will defeat a relationship every time.
Quote:Now I am me, the real me, and the purge cycle isn’t ever going to hit me again,I think I’d be in a lot of trouble if I tried to purge. My wife wouldn’t like me giving away clothes that she has made for me.
Quote:oh except I almost purged all the boy clothes until I got this job and had to be boy for another 6 months……In spite of having no desire to ever transition, I must admit that I have imagined doing that!
Alice
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What an interesting subject. Thank you Alice.
I have never actually purged but I have moved everything from my home and have it stored at a Kennards storage place. I have nothing at home because sadly Jennifer cannot be part of my life at home.
Jennifer emerges when I travel for business….Brisbane, Canberra, Melbourne. I just go to Kennards before I go and get my “luggage”.
It costs me $30 per month for storage and I have a very large locker which would hold about 6 to 10 large travel cases.
This can be a little expensive but would not be too bad if you wanted short term storage.
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You know what? Evert time i have purged my clothing and said, no more, i end up buying more and nicer cloths and shoes. Not shure if would like to have my stuff from seventies still as was pretty daggy!!!! But still did it not that long ago, only this time is was cloths that didn’t fit or did not like any more. this stuff is to expensive to replace. Have younoticed after you purge you replace with better quality and more of??
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Dee, what you did most recently is not purging. it’s culling.
Cleaning out the items too outdated to wear or which no longer fits.
Culling a wardrobe is not a BadThing to do, and really needs doing every couple of years.Jenifur Charne
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Having purged on a few occasions, I now know that if I ever fall out of love with dressing, then I would store not purge, reason being the need to dress always returns.
Jeni, good call on culling…. My wardrobes are not big enough for all the clothes I want, so every couple of years I take those hat no longer fit or are so far out of vogue it’s not funny and donate them to Vinnies or the Salvos
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unfortunatly all my purges cam after a lightbulb moment where i said no more and lost everything. the waste!
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Personally I don’t think that the storing of clothes rather than giving them away is any better. Indeed I will put forward an argument that actually giving the clothes away is MORE beneficial.
I will start at the outset by saying that I personally believe that it is the psychological and emotional distress that is the biggest concern with purging. It demonstrates that the person has not truly come to terms in their life with their gender and themselves.
Why could purging be good? Well for the following reasons:
1. Many CD’s that are not “out” to loved ones or friends are typically dressing in secretive locations in clandestine ways. The clothes that are often chosen are shall we say, not exactly appropriate for wearing in most social situations for either men OR women. I would argue that these clothes often sexualise crossdressing and do not enable the person to truly try to understand their gender as opposed to sexuality.
2. The individual when they wish to rebuild their wardrobe is firstly forced to acquire clothes again. This repeated exposure to assessing, maybe even trying on, and purchasing clothes I would argue builds self confidence. Additionally the individual is able to maybe try a different style and experiment and learn what does and does not suit them.
3. If the individual is lucky enough to have a loved one who is wble to help with shopping I would argue that this can help improve that relationship and the SO can feel that they are included and have some level of influence over how things progress.
4. I would suggest that most (?? almost all??) of us are in a far better financial position than those individuals who are helped by charity stores. And I don’t just mean the individuals buying clothes but also those who benefit from the funds raised by such stores that help to fund shelters, soup kitchens and the like.So honestly if you wish to get rid of your clothes, storing versus giving them away, as far as I am concerned there is no real difference in the long term. The real question you need to be asking is WHY you feel you need to purge, not what to do with the clothes when you do.
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I used to purge during my younger days but that’s only because I was still trying to be the male figure in relationships. My early twenties was probably the time that I purged the most, but then again, that was my first marriage and we were young and didn’t have the necessary skills or understanding needed to accept my needs. (Both parties could and probably would have done better with age and reason).
I cant say that I have purged for the last ten years or so and have kept most of my clothes over that period of time. I might cull my wardrobe a little to try and renew it with clothes that are more appropriate for my age but my purging days have definitely gone. I can contribute this to a Supportive SO and a better realization of who I am, where I fit, and under some minor constraints to enable me to continue to enjoy my SO and my needs.
