-
SAMANTHA’S SOAPBOX: Blending In
What Exactly Is Blending In?
by Samantha-Lee Cassidy
When I think of blending in I laugh! Why? Because I get these images in my head that make it hard not to. I see aliens trying to “blend in” to society until they get the numbers to take over the world, I see images of people trying to chameleonize themselve to try to fit into the little neat package that society calls the norm. I get all sorts of images, but what makes me laugh is that they are always in cartoon format, my head can be quite amusing at times.
But then I think to myself…..
am I not a human being? am I not flesh and bone? do I not breath the same air? if so then why is blending in such a big issue? I know I can “blend in” because I am the same as everyone else.
I live in a suburb of Perth, a major metropolitan capital of Australia and I can say that for such a large suburb it has a very small heart at the core of the community, everyone knows everyone and everyone knows what the neighbours 5 streets away are doing before they even do (so to speak). Its a good community, it can be rough, but it’s always been safe to me.
I came to this community almost 12 months ago and in that entire time I can report a total of zero kinds of abuse.I am a common sight in this community (that is not to say that I am ever common), I am seen every single day walking, talking and saying hello to neighbours as I pass, so common in fact that most people can tell whether I am having a good day or a bad just by how I might be dressed, but they also know that they can get a few words and a smile out of me.
Most of the community know me or know of me and although on the odd occassion I might get someone having a good stare or whispering something to their friend, I have never had a bad word pass my ears. I have become quite well known amongst the owners of the local businesses due to my frequenting them and I especially enjoy going to the local supermarket.
In my time here the women and girls at the supermarket have taken the longest to accept me, they’ve been a funny bunch to watch, and at times you could see on their face the struggle that they were having in their own minds, eventually they began asking me questions, nothing too indepth and soon enough, every single time I walk in there it became a hello fest with them all clambering over themselves to say hello first.
While at the checkout yesterday, while there was no-one around one of the girls who is regularly on the register looked at me and said with a sly little grin…… “Are your boobs getting bigger Sammi?” we began an animated little conversation about my boobs when all of a sudden she said to me while looking at her own chest…..”Got any advice for me?” I looked at her chest realised omg they really didnt exist, looked her in the eye, and without saying anything a look of complete understanding passed between us both.
The day before while standing at the register, I was approached by this woman and three of her friends, I didn’t know any of them, I was a little nervous and they said to me…..”OMG we love your hair!” needless to say that another happy little conversation erupted right there in the checkout lane with the girl on the register and her supervisor both getting involved all the while holding up everyone behind me (all of whom Im sure were dying to get in on the conversation too). It was a funny situation but I think everyone walked away feeling really good with themselves including me.
I take the time to talk to people, to listen to people, but most of all to give them a genuine smile. I help people where I can, and people help me if I need it. , I have integrated into this community with complete ease the whole while wearing my life on my sleeve. The people here have accepted me, the fact that I live with transsexualism is something else. First and formost they see me as the person that I am. I have met a lot of really wonderful people in this suburb through being an avon representitive and just being out there being myself, I am welcome into just as many homes and some of the support I have received is just amazing.
The people in this suburb have seen me at my best and have seen me at my worst, and I can honestly say that I don’t think most would have a bad word to say about me. if they take the time to stop me and ask me a question, I take the time to stop and answer them, it has become regular to hear people singing out hello or telling me that they can see the changes in me or how good I look.
My friend Julie will tell you, I can’t walk down the street without people breaking their necks to whistle, stare, whoop and hollar at me (all in a good way mind you).She is often commenting that she doesn’t even get looked at let alone get the same ravaging animalistic behaviour that I seem to illicit from lustful men as they drive or walk past. And it’s true. I often find myself laughing out loud as men have driven past me and yelled something out there windows, or when one guy almost crashed his car and that of another because he was too busy drooling at me.
I don’t wear clothing that would be considered slutty, normally Im seen in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt and more often than not a baseball cap, but apparently I have a way of wearing it that drives men nuts. I had one man in the area try to pick me up right under the nose of his wife, I quietly told him that if he ever spoke to me like that again or in the same nature I would go straight to his wife and let her know. He has behaved ever since and she became a great avon customer. Even the local postie tried to pick me up mistaking me for a GG, when he found out I was a in transition he was absolutely flabergasted, he just couldn’t believe it. we are still good friends and have a laugh about it all now.
To me this is what blending in is about, it’s about being apart of a community that accepts you for you. Its about a feeling of belonging, about being able to be yourself while meeting new people and experiencing new ways of life, its about knowing people and letting them know you, it’s about being open and honest but most of all………….. Its about being you.
Being yourself is the most important thing to never lose sight of. If you are being true to yourself, if you are being confident in your own choices and life then people will like you for you.
There is a lot of talk about blending in or going stealth, but for each person that can be extremelly different, what they believe going stealth or blending in can mean can be different, and their goals and dreams are all different. By setting a standard for what blending in is or what going stealth means would we not be leaving many people open to what they might consider failure?
Some people will never have the luxury of “blending in” for whatever reason, are we not sending them the wrong impression? The impression that going stealth or blending in is some kind of zenith and enlightenment will happen once you reach it, if they ever reach it.
Blending in for me is about just living my life as normally as possible.
Warmest regards
Samantha-Lee -
6 Replies
-
I have read your blog woth upmost admiration, and love you for it. You have taken the words right out of my mind and I hope all of us still developing can be brave enough to follow your footsteps and hopefully be accepted in our individual communities like yourself.
I am not there yet, but the path I visualised for many years and hope for when the time comes, is a carbon copy of what you said.
But for now I must take time to remodel to look the part and not be viewed as a gorrilla in a dress. I believe this helps in the hurdle of being acceepted of the choice I [and others] are making. You may be clocked but the public admire you for what you are. You have done this brillianlly
Hugs and Kisses
Jane Anderson -
Hi there Jane.
Thank you for your reply. I am truly happy that you can relate so well to the post, and it seems from the feedback that I am getting from other websites, that a lot of people feel the same way.I have no doubt that you will be able to acheive anything that you set your mind to do, just always remember to be yourself, allow others to get to know you and allow yourself to get to know others. Be confident in who you are and be confident in your choices, and you will move mountains.
Be well and be safe
Hugs always
Samantha-Lee
Manager
ATN -
Samantha, I had a read of this thread but didn’t want to get into the conversation in case it was thought I was being confrontational, but being the soap box supporter I am I had a look at your web page and just wanted to say ‘good on you’.
You seem to have achieved what most of us, I think, want to, to be accepted by your community as you are.
In my part I have used the phrase ‘blending in’ as a term to explain the aspirations or limitations in my life experiences as a c.d. Blending in simply meant doing just that, when out with friends or on my own I just wanted people to see a woman when they looked at me. I’m tall compared to the average girl, broad compared to the average girl and have large facial features, so I’m self conscious when I go out on the town, whether shopping or dining out or whatever.
I try to wear clothing that would be average, dressing down. I’d love to be able, like you, to go to the supermarket and have people compliment me, or just chat without feeling that they are checking me out negatively.
But that’s my insecurity. Just having people notice me and just see an average woman is my aim. I suppose the next rung of the ladder would be accepted as I am. Again, good on you. -
Hi Helen,
I just wanted to thank you for your kind words, its wonderful to get feed back on posts whether good bad, confrontational or even in criticism, Im greatful that you took the time and I’d like you to know that you should always feel free to reply to any post I might make, I don’t take things to heart and Im certainly not one to hold grudges. I respect everyone’s voice and everyone’s opinion and am happy when people voice what they are thinking.
Believe in your self beautiful lady and you too can accomplish miracles, you have my support.
Best wishes
Samantha-Lee -
Hi, thanks for your compliments, it is nice to see that some can accept comments in the spirit in which they are offered without taking umbrage.
cheers,
Helen -
Hi Sammi-Lee,
Congratulations on your soapbox piece.
I can understand where you are coming from and I applaud your choices, your successes…and your courage. However, from your photos, I’m not sure that you don’t try to ‘blend in’. I do admire Ru Paul, Alexis Arquette, Captain Sarah Parry and, indeed, anyone else who takes an openly ‘transgender’ gender position in their community. And who is happy to be a ‘transgender’ beacon – it is a courageous step. But it’s not me.
It’s a matter of personal goals and lifestyle choices. It’s also a matter of where each of us is on the spectrum and on the female persona ‘development’ track. Perhaps I’ve never gone much beyond some unachievable female ideal.
I would never ever be happy to live full time as the locally recognised ‘tranny’. It is an totally unsatisfactory solution to my gender dysphoria. I would only be happy to live as a woman. This probably explains why I have never transitioned because to achieve the final goal of ‘blending in’ as a woman you have to go through a learning curve during which you are not ‘blending in’.
I have spoken about my mental struggle moving from being ‘visually’ quite passable to interacting when my ‘passability’ falls like a brick. I’m not that good an actor and I don’t spend enough time in female mode to develop and internalize speech. For me to live any kind of dual lifestyle I have to accept that I will be recognised as a tranny. So ironically I might already be living my nightmare – but only on a part time basis – as a after a few hours I revert to my standard gender albeit the wrong one.
In the tranny community the ‘blending in’ thing often describes how you dress rather than whether you actually go out dressed in the real world – because those who do go out dressed for any length of time realize that truly ‘blending in’ is a much more subtle and much more difficult to achieve than dressing well and getting the make up right.
However, as a married, middle Australian suburban transgender parent, I feel much more comfortable with notable transgenders whose public image and lifestyle is conservative and ‘positive’. Unfortunately, despite quite a number of positive stories, the ‘transgender’ and ‘transexual’ labels are still widely used to sensationalise news stories and a word association test would probably still link trannies with ‘deviant’, ‘sex’ and even ‘prostitution’. Adele Bailey was murdered over 20 years ago and she is still a ‘transexual prostitute’ – factually correct I’m sure.
Fiona xx
