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Self doubt
In another site I have been reflecting on the normality of self doubt in our Community. People who are on that site appeared to me to be ” on top ” of their gender diversity when I first read their posts. over time , however, I have seen that they have just as much lack of confidence and self doubt , just as I do.
It was a surprise to me. The conversation has confirmed that it is a normal thing, perhaps for everyone? Perhaps those who appear to be without it are merely faking their confidence?
When I was younger , I was full of shame and doubted every aspect of my life. It had been drummed into me how weak and useless I was. I lived in a bullshit macho group where bravado and falsehood was the norm. How could I be trans in that place? Slowly over the years, by dealing well with adversity, supporting my family, 20 years martial arts training, peer support and my own inner work, I have arrived a better place in my head. I am no longer ashamed, no longer afraid of what people may think or say. Yes, I have lost partners and a few friends ( were they ever really friends?) but if I died tonight, I could say that I was authentic. That is what it is all about, BE WHO YOU ARE!
Self doubt is toxic, it needs to be countered. Positive self talk, self improvement ( work out your shit in other words!), absolute honesty with yourself at least and some honesty to your special ones is the way to peace.If you leave it too late to deal with, it will eat you up and destroy your life and those who we purport to protect with our charades.
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1 Reply
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I am fortunate to have grown up in a loving and tolerant family, and I know that I’m a good person. I strive to be friendly and engaging with people I meet. Those people reflect the positivity and are tolerant/accepting of me.
My absence of self doubt (is the positive way of saying it ‘self-confidence’?) has come for me from continuing to experience tolerance/acceptance within the community. Each time out (3 or 4 days a week) now is just part of normal life.
I see my femme life as an evolution and not an internal battle. I do agree though that self-acceptance is critical to others accepting you.
