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Simple Pleasures
Despite being a native Tasmanian, I’m definitely a summer girl. The weather, when it turns cold, doesn’t bother me particularly but if I had control over the atmosphere then we would have 12 hours of sunshine every day
I was pondering this as I made my way to the local Vietnamese bakery at lunchtime for a chicken Banh Mi (no garlic of course…someone MAY want to pash me later and a girl needs to be at the ready), 2 x spring rolls, and a refreshing can of Coca-Cola (No Sugar) – the symbol of the Free World. As I meandered my way to the shop I was revelling in the pleasure of a warm Autumn sun on my back…it is only a few moments in an average working day I know but it always lifts my spirits immeasurably and on my return journey I had quite the spring in my step. Simple pleasures are just some of life’s little joys…like reversing the toilet paper roll on its holder when some lunatic before you has made the baffling decision to have the paper cascade towards the wall instead of away from it. Things like that ensured communism failed and I have read it has been suggested that it had a hand in the fall of the Mongolian Empire. I also enjoy having all my cutlery stacked “just so” in its tray and my condiments containers arranged in order of size…just thinking about this sort of stuff makes me realise I may be a bit OCD but at the same time it does put a smile on my face. Even writing about thinking about it I realise I am smiling. Another thing that gives me immense pleasure is making a “chip butty”. I confess here that I ****ing adore hot chips (plain salt) and they are a weakness I have to keep in constant check, particularly as the swimsuit season approaches. My method is to get a nice piece of fluffy ultra-fresh bread, layer on ten ton of butter, and then arrange my chips (just slightly crisp on the outside) along the wide edge of the bread before folding it over and eating. Little trickles of melted butter will drip on to my plate which I will mop up with the outside of the bread. I could go on describing a hundred such little pleasures like these without drawing breath but I think you get the idea.
What is about to follow I’ve not discussed in any real detail with anyone previously but the point will become clear as you read on. As the many who read these pages who know me personally will attest I am quite a lively and positive person – an extrovert who sees the good in just about everyone and loves to be the life of the party. I love bringing people together and I adore making new friends all over the place and introducing them to others I know. Some years ago now I found myself in a dark place however and ill-equipped to deal with the circumstances that surrounded me. My eldest daughter, who up until her mid teens had been an intelligent, funny, interested-in-everything type of kid, was in the grip of an extremely dire drug addition of the worst kind, the dreaded Ice and god knows what else, and constantly in the spotlight of the police. There were days and weeks when no matter what I did or where I looked I couldn’t find her only to eventually unearth her in some fleapit holed up with a bunch of similarly afflicted druggies and lowlifes. For a long time I deluded myself that I could fix this…I tried being the “good parent” the “angry parent” the “tough love parent” and every other connotation you can think of but I couldn’t fix it…in fact I made no difference whatsoever. The low point was reached, in what was quite a competitive field of low points at that time, when there was a knock at my front door about 3.00am one morning. I knew who it would be, as I had got accustomed to the police turning up at this sort of time regularly to inform me of my daughter’s latest escapade and them hoping she would be at my place so she could ‘assist them with their enquiries’. As I approached the door to speak to them a thought was in my head “Hmmm I wonder if she’s dead this time?”…and to my shame I felt no emotion at this possibility – the whole situation over the previous few years had taken its toll and I was completely disconnected emotionally. After the police left (she’d broken a police woman’s jaw in a brawl for those playing at home) I sat down on the couch in a sort of stupor. And there I stayed for about 3 days straight sometimes staring at the coffee table and sometimes staring at the ceiling. If I slept it was only a nap before returning to my alternating staring regime.
After about a week it became clear to me that I needed to do something about how I was. I made an appointment with my GP with some vague plan I needed medicating to get myself back on track. Now my GP is a highly intelligent, marvellous and pragmatic mincing old queen. Upon my 48th birthday he pronounced that it was “time to examine the old prostate darling”…which he proceeded to do in the ‘old fashioned way’ in the days before blood tests came in. As the digital examination began he leaned over and said, loudly, “You know you probably usually expect dinner and a movie before this sort of action darling!”
I sat down in Paul’s surgery this day and he asked me how I was and what could he do for me and suddenly I just burst into floods of uncontrollable tears – I didn’t even make sense as I sort of blubbed my way through the story without barely taking a breath. “What can I do for you?” he asked when I finally calmed down enough. I told him what I thought I needed and he just looked me square in the eyes and said “Nup. I am not giving you any medication. What do you like to do that makes you happy?” “How do you mean?” I replied a bit incredulously. “What, when you do it, puts a smile on your face and is a simple pleasure?” I thought about it for a minute before replying “Walking on the beach”. “So go and do that and I’ll see you in two weeks” Paul said as he led me out of his door.
And that is exactly what I did. I never made it back to that appointment in two weeks’ time. Within another fortnight I was back in my stride and within another month I was dressing again (after years away) bigger and louder than I’d ever been – and it has been so ever since. I am forever grateful for Paul’s wise yet simple words and for the effect they had.
Last week, over coffee, I had the absolute pleasure of meeting a new girl to our lifestyle who was visiting from interstate and who is also a member here of our little TGR community. It was a delight to hear the story of her swift progress in embracing what we are about and how we go about it. Her story is more remarkable in so much as she has not spent years of her TG life hiding behind her keyboard but has pretty much leapt in to the fray and headed straight out in to the world almost since day one. Like some transgendered Yoda, I was able in some small way to give her a couple of tips and a bit of advice here and there but from my reckoning she is doing just fine navigating her own voyage. The fact we have a mutual dear friend who came along as well (she knew about me but not about the new girls crossdressing until relatively recently) was doubly delightful as we were able to share all this with our dear friend and I’m sure we sounded liked a group of old boilers who’d known each other for decades.
This was a simple pleasure. Never underestimate the power of the simple pleasure and when you are feeling a bit low, or have a difficult decision to make, may I suggest you walk in the sunshine, or on the beach, or make your own chip butty (recipe above), or whatever your go to thing is, and reflect for a moment on the blessings you have rather than those you don’t or the things you cannot control. There is nothing you can do about some situations but there a very small things you can do which will make you feel really good – so get off your bum and go and do some of them….have I ever led you astray? (Adrian/Caroline/Fay/Simone/Claire/Gabby Anne please do not feel any need to comment here
) .I’m not really sure why I have felt the need to write all this but it was an urge I had to submit to. It may have had something to do with all the wailing I see on Facebook currently about absolute rubbish and the vacuous carrying on of some on there? If you have issues you will not find the answers there I assure you. The “Snooze so-and-so for 30 days” button has become my best friend there lately.
Simple pleasures! Try it and you’ll like it. It doesn’t fix everything but it does make you feel great.
EPILOGUE: Just to wrap everything up, you may be wondering what happened with my daughter? Well after the police punch up incident she actually reached out to me knowing she was in a pile of trouble. A good friend of mine has a civil construction road gang, which works all across northern Australia, and I organised to send her to him post haste which had the double bonus of (1) being 100’s of miles from anywhere and (2) being run on a “dry” basis – no booze, no drugs. It was quite bumpy to start with but it got her off the juice and she settled in to life without the temptation of ice. By complete chance she met a young civil engineer who would not put up with any of that crap and they have been together 3 years now and are very happy. He made her go back and finish school and they are both heavily involved in their local fishing club where they are currently living on the coast in northern NSW. She recently said to me “There are no fish in the sea and all fishermen are liars”. I got my little girl back xxx
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14 Replies
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Magnificent.
Thanks Emma. -
Hi Emma.
Very heartwarming story. Often helps to get it all out there and let the emotions sort themselves out. Glad to hear that all has turned out well for your daughter and I hope she has a clean and contented life here after.
Thank you for sharing that with us.
I did however notice one serious error in your narrative which we must discuss at some later date! :whistle:
May you and your daughter stay safe, hugs for now.
Fay -
Oh! I’ll look forward to the chat Fay! xx
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Great story Emma and so glad that things have worked out so well for you. Children can be hard work and trying to help them, when they don’t want to be helped, can push us to the very limits of our mental strength.
I also agree that simple pleasures are a far more effective medicine than the chemical kind. It works for me. In that respect, I agree with Winston Churchill who said “my tastes are simple: I only like the best!” -
That is great advice Martina
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Thanks so much for your story Emma,
I have been experiencing a number of my own difficult issues recently and have been struggling to manage them.
Your GP is a very wise person and his question ‘What, when you do it, puts a smile on your face and is a simple pleasure?’, has allowed me to realise there are those simple pleasures in my life as well as the more difficult issues. It is amazing how ones outlook on life can change if you smile (….and the world smiles with you) – I think there is an old song there somewhere?
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It is so true Jane! Smiling is just so rewarding
I’m always available if you want a chat honey x
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Hi Emma
Thank you for that wonderful, timely and inspirational share. It gives me hope that my only son will be finally liberated from a three year addiction to opiates. I understand all of your emotions only too well. It was a very proud day for me when my only kid swore an oath to Queen and Country and with one raised hand and another on the Australian flag he was enlisted into the Royal Australian Regiment. I witnessed his marchout parade after a duelling training period at Kapooka and then advanced training at which he excelled at Singleton. He returned home three years ago a completely broken and drug addicted young man full of fear and anxiety. I won’t go into the specific causes or genesis of his particular issue or share anything beyond this narrative other than to say I have helped him to get on a supervised withdrawal program and his personality and sense of worth is slowly returning. He is back living with me now (hence my lack of posts or interaction on TGR of late) and whilst this poses some real personal challenges given my disposition and inclinations I can better mentor him and supervise his recovery. As the son of professional parents I never thought he would ever be challenged with an addiction but as we all know drugs effect a wide spectrum of the community.
Anyhow I thought I would share this Emma only insofar as your experience and your willingness to talk about it makes me remember that we are not alone and that there is a path of recovery for both progeny and parent.
Having been fortunate now to meet you several times: I and doubtless many others, can attest to your caring nature, a facility with candid expression that is truly a blessing, and a personality that is a positive influence on all of us.
Thank you again for your uplifting story.
Hugs to you and all.
(And hope to see you at Transactshon)Marian
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Thank you for your words dear Marian.
I think sometimes we can all find ourselves in situations that are completely at odds with how we envisioned them – this must be how you’ve felt often with your son. It sounds like he is taking great steps forward and all of your friends here at TGR will have you and he in our thoughts. This is not a journey that is in any way easy or is it not fraught with the odd road hump.
My daughter has said to me on many occasions that because of what happened to her that she is an addict and will always have an addictive character so she avoids anything now that can possibly trigger those impulses even down to not drinking coffee or playing games on her phone. I don’t understand chronic addiction but, like you, I had to come to terms with it.
Anytime you need a chat, or a vent Marian you know where to find me. -
What an amazing story and such openness, Emma. Simple pleasures – I can think of a few I indulge in at times not to be repeated here! The biggest thing for me always, though, however down I feel, or however bad things get, is to make a brief list of things I am grateful for (and it’s very difficult to keep it brief – I am so fortunate). I admit I haven’t gone through that kind of hell with an offspring though. It’s easy to make glib comments like mine, and I take my hat off to you.
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My goodness Emma, you do roll the deepest thoughts into a digestible and interesting package. Thanks for your wisdom and openness.
Paula xx -
I think we may share some of those simple pleasures you refer to Tina
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Thank you Emma, 1 for sharing that wonderful if at times harrowing experience and 2 for letting me know I am not alone, i.e. ‘ reversing the toilet paper roll on its holder when some lunatic before you has made the baffling decision to have the paper cascade towards the wall instead of away from it.’
I do this a lot. -
Yes, I forgot to say – me too!!
