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So you’ve decided to go out….Part 2. Getting Your Act Together
You’ve resolved to go out for the first time because you’ve read my other articles and decided that you are a big brave girl and you can do this. You have a picture in your mind of what it will be like (which will be a fraction of how good it really will be). But what to wear? AND you don’t think you “pass”? AND you don’t know what you’re doing? Eeeeeek!!!! Help!!!!
Don’t worry sweeties, Aunty Emma is here to help you avoid any debutante errors and and to de-mystify it all for you
The first thing you need to understand is that despite our marked diversity as a community and as individuals, we all have two things in common. We are all men and we all have penises. Both aspects must be hidden at all costs. If you have any problems along the way with getting your act together I implore you to remind yourself of that fact and you can’t go wrong.
1. Body Hair
Get rid of it. Let’s be real here: we all want to feel as feminine as possible. Having hairy arms/legs/armpits/chest/naughty bits will not add to your feminine allure nor will it for anyone else you may interact with (thank you Veronica!). Depending upon your financial situation there is a myriad of options available to you in this modern world of hair removal and, fortuitously, the male population has caught up with this sensible practice and loads of middle aged men do the same thing with no issues or recriminations. If you’re really concerned people may say something to you about your hairless appearance just tell them you’re riding in this year’s Tour de France and then look at them with a deadpan expression. The only one who has ever said anything to me was my still heavily Scottish mother once a few years ago at a family bbq who remarked “****(name removed for privacy reasons silly)…are you shaving your legs?” “Yes mammy” I replied. “Ah ye’re a big Jessie” she said. She is probably right but that was it. Dump it girls you don’t need the hair and it is scientifically NOT true that if you start shaving it grows back thicker…it’s an old wives tale.2. Wigs
I have had so many wigs over the years I swear I could carpet Victoria with them. Wigs are a really personal thing and it is a matter of personal choice and taste. I’ve had $400 wigs and I’ve had $50 wigs and can’t say I’ve been disappointed in either although I’m sure there are bad ones around. Try and avoid the costume shop ones as there is very little you can do with them and buy yourself some hairspray – I say that because, unlike your home, it can get windy when you’re out so once you’ve brushed your hair and you have it just like you want it give it all a light dusting with the ‘spray. DO NOT smother your wig in it because the first time you light up a ciggie at whatever discotheque you find yourself at you are likely to erupt in a ball of fire which will no doubt make your first appearance memorable but for all the wrong reasons.3. “Passing”
This is completely overrated in my opinion yet a source of great angst to many sisters. Passing is to be admired, and desirable, if your preference is to live dressed and active only, or at least primarily, in the suburban world i.e. going shopping at Coles; getting arrested for a jewel heist; popping down to the laundromat; going to the local kickboxing gym etc. But if your preference is to be dressed purely in social scenarios i.e. going out for dinner; going to a show; planning a jewel heist; going to a nightclub then passing is low on the pecking order.
I am not passable by any stretch of the imagination and have never bothered much about it. I DO, however, play to my strengths as must you. If you remember nothing of any of this remember that. In my mind, I am a very loud version of Anjelica Houston. I am tall, with a reasonable figure and somewhat man-ish features but I DO have a great set of legs and that is a strength. As I get older, and let’s face it none of us are in the full flush of youth, my skirt length gets shorter by the year and more and more daring and my heels get higher just to keep accentuating my legs. I have nice feminine shoulders which is a strength – not from any dedication on my part to make them that way but because I have had 4 shoulder reconstructions due to a lifetime playing Australian Rules football so I wear tops that are halter neck/strapless/ or thinly strapped to show them off. With a lot of skin exposed comes a responsibility to ensure that the skin looks good too….I have enveloped myself in so much fake tan over the years it is a wonder the Le Tan company doesn’t pay me royalties for promotional purposes. So no one really looks at me in the eye when I’m sashaying around a bar or a nightclub – I know that and I love it.Conversely, I will give some of you something else to ponder over: years and years ago I had a very good cd friend named Karen. Karen, who is sadly no longer with us, worked to her strengths. In her male life she was a furniture removalist and had a body to suit. Stout with large hard arm and shoulder muscles and legs like tree trunks. Karen developed, over time, a style that suited her perfectly. She would turn up in huge Regency style ball gowns resplendent with huge beehive styled wigs, beauty spots, hand fans, and acres of bejewelled bling. Alternately, she would appear in smart pant suit ensembles looking every bit the “power woman”. Other times she would appear in “mother-of-the-bride” outfits. Karen always looked hot but she knew to play to her strengths.
Facial features: ok, so I’m Anjelica Houston and not Katie Moss so what do I do? I employ what I call “distractors”. I wear enormous false eyelashes that are like the wings of a B29 Bomber. Big bright red lippy that can be seen from space. Big sparkly ear-rings and neck bling. There are NO rules…you need to suit yourself.On makeup: this is way too broad a subject to talk about here satisfactorily but I shall give you a few pointers that have served me well and hopefully a few other girls will chime in with their tips and tricks too
– “Not to prime is a crime”. Big W sell an excellent primer for under $10 that lasts forever. Putting a good primer on your face prior to applying foundation gives it all a good base and helps in removing it later on. I used to be sceptical about primer once upon a time but I tried it once and have been a convert ever since.
– Let your makeup “bake”. Don’t prime, then apply foundation, then do your eyes in one hit. Do them one at a time and allow each application to set on your face. I allow about 10 minutes between each one and sit in front of a fan. Well I used to until I had to take out a restraining order on him (boom, tish!)
– You don’t have to spend a fortune. Priceline and places like that sell basic makeup packs for under $20 that have everything you need and will last you a long time. The brushes in them are usually crap however so if nothing else invest in a decent set of application brushes as that is money well spent and if you look after them will last you a long time.
– Wikihow, on the marvellous internet, has many step-by-step manuals and videos on applying makeup simply. Stick by those to begin with and you will develop what works well for you.4. Body Shaping
For most of us that means boobies. I have gone the full gamut over the years and feel overly qualified to speak on this subject.(a) Basic: Like many, I started off by making my own. I would sacrifice some stockings that were due for the bin and cut each leg off below the knee. I would then proceed to fill them each with bird seed (I kid you not) until I got the size I wanted in each then tied the ends of the stockings and trimmed to suit. They are remarkably life-like and have a nice bounce when you walk. The problem being, and other girls will attest to this, is that they are prone to burst at the most inopportune time like when you are on the dancefloor…next thing you know you have half a rack and knickers and a shoe full of bird seed which makes you highly popular with the local pigeon population when you are waiting to catch a cab later – it’s like you are auditioning for Tippi Hedren’s role in a stage revival of Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds. I solved this issue in the end by using condoms instead of stockings but I would fill one condom up with birdseed and tie it off and then put another condom over the first one and tie it off which makes them almost impregnable. I mean, what else would you use a condom for? I’m glad I finally found a reason.
(b) Silicon or foam commercially made breast forms: The Holy Grail for the girl who wants it all! Once upon a time the average suburban cd had to turn tricks for a year or sell their first born to white slavers to afford even a modestly decent set of forms (think $300-$700 on average) but thanks again to the wonderful internet this is no longer the case. Just Google “cheap breast forms” and thousands of options come up. Silicone is silicone….find ones you like and order them you won’t regret it but sizing is critical. I used to have boobies that turned up to a hotel 5 minutes before I did when I was a bit younger but for most people a B, or at worst C cup, is ample and looks natural. If you like the Dolly Parton look though don’t let me stop you – there are no rules remember?
(c) None: None? Yes that’s right, none. I ditched forms some time ago and no one has noticed. Wear the right stuff and they won’t either PLUS you don’t need to worry about a bra. It’s just another option and shouldn’t be discounted.
(d) Hiding your naughty bits: There are lots of different ways of doing this – from the reasonably comfortable made-for-crossdressers panty gaffs you can buy online (generally around about $16-$20) to the tortuous “tucking”, a process that barbaric I can’t believe I did it for years. An easy method to kick off with is to wear 2 or 3 pairs of knickers (the same size) together which constricts things nicely and out of the way.
5. Clothes
Don’t spend a fortune to start with – it’s highly tempting but a waste of money. You can get lots of great bargains at the Op shops and Vintage stores around the place OR off eBay for a pittance. Get yourself a couple of outfits you can mix and match while you settle into a going out fashion style over time. I promise you that how you look when you first go out is nothing like you’ll look as you gain confidence and savviness the more you do get out.6. Shoes
Other girls WILL check you out when you venture to a club or bar and, almost without exception, the first thing they will do is check out your shoes. Not enough attention can be placed on this area.
The rule of thumb is that whatever size you are in a man’s shoe you will be 2 sizes bigger in a woman’s. If the shoe is made for the Australian market you do however stand a good chance that you only need go up one size i.e. if you are a 10 normally you can get yourself into a nice set of size 11 heels as I’ve proved often. If the brand is from overseas stick to the 2 sizes up rule for safety as you can always pack them a little at worst. For anyone who can get into anything up to a size 11 you have plenty of options: Target/Kmart/BigW sell quite nice heels up to that size for around $30-$40 or you can haunt the second hand shops. I picked up a sensational pair of size 11 Diana Ferrari stiletto heels for $7 at the Salvos this week which have hardly been worn. For girls with a need for bigger shoes, you can find loads on eBay and places like ASOS and Amazon for $45 and upwards. If buying off the web check and double check the size will be right for you. Oh, by the way, anyone contemplating going out to a social function in kumpfs, or Crocs, or Hush Puppies contact me immediately and I will talk you through it until the moment passes.So there you go. That’s a very simple, straightforward, and practical brief guide to getting you away from the trials and tribulations of Inspector Barnaby and your selfie stick and getting you out into society where you should be. I don’t profess in any way to be the font of all knowledge so if there is something I haven’t covered that you want to know just ask – you have some of the most helpful women who have been where you are now at your fingertips here on this wonderful site. I can still see in my mind’s eye our own Amanda making her entrance to a small party we had once for 100 or so girls in the most beautiful white embroidered ball gown looking absolutely stunning. Wow.
As for me, I will be going out tomorrow night here in Adelaide with Susan, Sharon, and Roxxy. I will be wearing my new $7 heels, a skirt I swapped with Susan for a pair of heels I bought off the ‘net that don’t fit (we all get caught), a sparkly halter neck top ($4.50 from a vintage op shop – never worn), stay ups from Kmart ($10), massive butterfly wing eyelashes (pack of 10 from the ‘net for $6), and various bling I have accumulated with a sum investment of probably $20. For my wig, I haven’t decided whether I’m feeling “new romantic” and white, or “Italian and musical” in jet black. Both cost me about $60. I am cheap but not easy. Actually I can’t back that up.
Now it is up to you………..go get ’em ladies xx -
12 Replies
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Hi Emma and all the girls hopefully following these wonderful tips you are sharing. May I also add a few suggestions of my own to this mix of enticing words to get you gals out and about.
Deodorant and perfume. Both are extremely different in male and female worlds so don’t think they can be interchanged. When you do go out it is likely you will be greeted in the most feminine way which involves a hug and a light kiss on the cheek. If you are nervous as I certainly was there will be a little perspiration. ( Ladies perspire men sweat) To avoid having that BO feeling and other girls pull back or that one man you quite like the look of walk straight past while fanning his nose perfume and deodorant are a must. Also carry some perfume with you in a handbag for that little extra touch up as well as the lipstick you are wearing and a small powder compact and mirror. Wether you need to pass or not no lady would be caught dead without these three items.
Depending on where you are going I also have found that it is a good idea to carry a pad with you in your handbag. These are also quite useful in hiding away those things we need to hide away and will give you quite a flat frontage if anyone cares to look. Secondly as a girlfriend of mine pointed out if you are in a ladies room and one of the GG’s in the stall next to you asks if you have a spare it adds some credibility to being there in the ladies room.
As Emma has said passing is a purely personal thing. I like to be able to look the part even if close scrutiny would reveal me as the male I am underneath walking to and from a car at night may still give you that encounter with other people walking the same street. Which leads me to another of my own experiences remember as you walk, walk slower, smaller steps and one foot in front of the other slightly offset. There are many good you tube videos in how to walk in heels so i suggest watching, practising and then get out there and swing that booty girls -
Thank you Emma for two great articles. Definitely worth a new, or even older girls, time having a read. I remember when I discovered bird seed, previously I had used socks! But my first silicon pair where such a revelation.
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Good post Glenda,
But…Glenda wrote:a girlfriend of mine pointed out if you are in a ladies room and one of the GG’s in the stall next to you asks if you have a spare it adds some credibility to being there in the ladies room.That one really does deserve to go down in the archives of transgender myths.
I remember there was a time in the past (from my “horse-drawn crossdressing” times) when I stuffed my handbag full of pads, makeup, and any girly stuff I could find. Just in case someone looked into it!
But if like me you look post-menopausal no self respecting teenager is going to expect you to carry a pad – and as for them asking strangers in a stall…. as I say put it down as a great transgender myth.
I’m with Emma on this one – you don’t need credibility (aka passing) you just need self confidence and some gender-appropriate social skills.
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Another terrific post Emma, you managed to bring back memories that I had well and truly forgotten about. The things we did and the things we used in those early day long before the internet came along. Back in the 1960’s when I was a teenage girl I can remember ……. Oh gosh better not go there as I want to forget those tennis balls that sucked onto my chest.
Moving on quickly, I like to think I pass every time I go out, well I like to think positive, and apart from having my head in the right space I have learnt that it helps to pass by blending in. Wearing the same sort of clothes as the women are wearing wherever I go and wearing older clothes rather than new. Apart from them being more comfortable they don’t draw attention, so I don’t get looked at, well that’s my logic and it works for me.
I love shopping from the op-shops and from eBay and I have adopted a simple way of hardly ever buying anything that doesn’t fit. (Well only because I spent years of wasting money on clothes because they looked nice and I thought they would fit). I always have a small handy tape measure with me – I never leave home without it, well ok I have about ten of them, they are in my car, in my handbags, even in the pockets of my man jeans, they are after all my most important tool (behave and keep your mind on the topic). I also carry a list of my measurements so I can check the items before buying. Now if buying on eBay I always ask the seller for the measurements i.e. underarm to underarm; the waist; the length and I always allow for them not being exact. I also ask for the inside and outside measurements when buying shoes or boots online. Golden rule here is if the seller doesn’t get back then don’t buy.
I hate to think how much time has been spent experimenting with makeup. Being a Pom my skin is a reddish colour, and I have a dark quick growing beard so it has always been difficult to cover up and keep it covered up for long. Some years ago I mortgaged the house and went for makeup lessons with a company that specializes in makeup for actors. Probably one of my better ideas because I didn’t have a female at home to help me and I always seemed to get hopeless advice from the girls in Myers. Yes I pay a fortune for it but it works for me and gives me the confidence I need. Having said that I do have everyday makeup for just around the house or opening the door to the postie. I used to get it from Priceline but found it cheaper at Chemist Warehouse, just a pity the girls aren’t as friendly as the ones at Priceline.
Emma, your posts are marvelous and are invaluable to us all, please keep them coming. -
Thanks for another informative and entertaining post Emma. One thing that made a huge difference to me (I am a bit of a passing obsessive) is hip and bottom padding. There are many types and prices, or you can DIY from youtube. Hip and bottom padding makes your dresses, skirts and pants fit correctly and wider hips balance out manly wide shoulders! If like me you like to indulge your love of 50’s clothing, you don’t need any under your petticoats! Keep the posts coming Emma!
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Perfume!!!!!!!
I just knew there was something I’d forgotten!! Excellent point Glenda and I like the pad idea too I might try that. And ladies don’t forget you do not have to buy Chanel #5 (I’ve smelt it and it isn’t that great anyway) at a zillion dollars per ounce. Head down to your local cheapy chemist warehouse and buy a “celebrity” brand for about $10. Even though she looks like a horse, I buy Sarah Jessica Parker’s Lovely fragrance and get complimented on it all the time. -
It is amazing, Amanda, that we were able to carry our handbags at all given the amount of feminine paraphernalia we all used to carry around in the black & white days of our youth ha ha. We’ve ALL done that. My experience in the Ladies Restrooms these days is that the young girls are more likely to offer you a line of coke than ask you for any spare hygiene products. Things certainly have changed and I admit to being a little naïve to youth culture of today.
The things you need in your bag these days are purely touch up items and some backup supplies. On Saturday night I got caught out when my new “stay ups” decided they were not going to stay up and were slipping down my legs as I sashayed along Gouger Street in the city early straight past about 300 diners. Now IF I’d been properly prepared I would have had a spare pair in my bag but I didn’t. Thankfully I still shave down regardless and just ripped them off and went bare-legged for the night. -
Hi Emma, with regards to Primer.
“Putting a good primer on your face prior to applying foundation gives it all a good base and helps in removing it later on”
I have relatively recently come across reference to this. When I started using make-up I was taught to use a moisturising cream such as ‘Oil of Ulan’, or ‘Ulay’ as it was called in the UK. or vice versa, I forget which, after a liberal dose of this I then applied my make up.
I did a Google, of course, and there seems to be different types as well as some which are coloured to match the base. I would appreciate your elaboration on this. -
Hi Claire,
I would love to. I remember Oil of Ulan well, as would many here (what is a Ulan anyway?). That works just as well. The idea being that a primer fills in fine lines and, as is often the case with girls such as us, smooths out skin pores particularly for those who may naturally have a heavy beard line. It also assists in keeping your makeup looking fresher for longer. Just as an artist will prepare a canvas with a “key” wash of something or another prior to painting. I find it also makes taking off your makeup later much easier. Either works hun.
Another tip that I forgot to put in the original post is the wonder cream that is, unbelievably, Anusol. Get some from the chemist, or even a lot of supermarkets sell it, and apply some to the skin around your eyes or anywhere else you have a few signs of age and it tightens the skin almost immediately. You don’t need much and it does a great job. I learnt that one years ago…it helps having 6 sisters I tell you. -
Thanks again Emma, we haven’t a Big W so I’ll either have to go Priceline or Chemist Warehouse for the primer. when I first heard the term I immediately thought of applying it to walls before painting. With further knowledge of it I wasn’t too far wrong! Maybe PolyFilla could be used?.Thinking of the lines, gully’s and cracks.
My old boss took great joy in informing everyone about the Anusol or Prep H trick a lot of years ago, she was laughing so much. I bet she used it.
Thanks again, Emma,Claire
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Hi girls
I also remember oil of ulan, I haven’t been using a primer but always apply a moisturiser about twenty minutes before my make up. This seems to work alright for me but please let me know if I should be using something different -
Well done Emma.
From me two things that are worth the money.
1. When you first decide to go out employ a make-up artist. Visiting a salon is fun and beauticians are always willing to stay back for you, and then help you throw on your frock and set you off into the night. Most importantly, watch and learn so you become expert in doing your own makeup. It makes such a huge difference. Beauticians do out-calls as well. And there are so many listed on the internet these days.
2. Get a dressmaker. No matter how good you think a frock looks off the rack, it will never ever be as good as one made for your precise measurements. There are so many dressmakers out there who are not expensive and they all have a sense of fun. They get what we are about. So, as with makeup, the fittings and consultations are so much fun. My dressmaker has my measurements and a patterns meaning I can buy cloth when it suits me, mail it to her and pick up a gorgeous new frock a few weeks later at a fraction of the price I would pay “off the rack”.Jane xx
