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telling a prospective partner about being TG?
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Monique,
Congratulations, you have taken the first step in freeing yourself of the guilt we all tend to carry at one stage, for a gift that shouldn’t be considered a burden. You have approached the broaching of the subject in an inclusive way that allows your partner to be proactive in her own decision making, and you have taken subtle steps to ensure that whatever decision she makes is not under pressure. God Bless you both.
Communication with one’s partner is the first and most important step to having a cohesive, equal and understanding relationship. Tiny steps lead to walking my sweet, and you are both well on your way to a very fulfilling life together.
Much love and hope for you both.
Juliann & Carmen xxx
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Monique, I think you are very wise and approached it in just the right way. No real pressure and sharing with your partner. Hope and trust that all will be well for you.
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Hi all, I told my wife at the point where We knew we were getting serious – Thinking about proposing. She was great and realised part of my attraction was the more feminine side to my nature and she has been supportive ever since. Recently we took the step of telling our 8 yo twins (boy/girl) and my 20 yo son. They young ones were amused and interested, we always tried to keep their minds open to societies variations. My 20yo was completely unaware but accepted me for what I am. We are close and still do the boy things together. We had a very informative talk on the subject by Dr. Viv Cass – psychologist and Chameleons WA Life member. Telling SO’s about your gender differences was the subject. It brought up some very interesting points including; when, where, setting the scene, what next etc. Hope this helps. It ain’t easy folks!!
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Thanks ladies for those very well though out replies I have enjoyed reading them all., I told my ex wife before we were married, and although she wasn’t that interested in involving herself in my crossdressing, she didn’t seem to mind it as long as I dressed in private. At that time I wasn’t going out and used to dress at home. Of course as time went by I became more involved in dressing and also going out, which she hated. partly it was the thought of other people finding out that I dressed, and how she would appear in there eyes. Anyway to cut the story short, we parted ccompany some time back, and my three childred and I now live by ourselves. Although I have met many women who seem to except cressdressing, I have never had a relationship with an excepting women…………of course theres always tomorrow *grin*
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I can certainly relate to this,
– The first partner knows nothing.
– The second one knows a bit eventually.
– The third one knows everything from the start.I was engaged to a young lady after going out with her for several years. She had no idea of my CD side but 6 weeks out from the wedding i decided she had to know. I thought our love was strong enough to overcome anything. so i told her….. her reply was ” i dont want to know”. needless to say 3 days or so later she was my ex Fioncee.
This took care of stages 1 and 2.
My current wife (Of over 25 Years) was told with in 2 weeks of us getting together.
She had no problems with it. she is the greatest . Sadly for her i take a different size in clothing than her but my makeup keeps disappearing.
it is best to find out early in the relationship.Beth.
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I suppose the first thing a person has to ask themselves is:
“How much of me really identifies with being female”?
If the answer is: ‘I am prepared to give it away for someone I really love’ then; there is nothing to tell.
However, If the answer is:
“This is who I believe I am inside and it’s an integral part of my life (identifying with and being femine) then; by not telling a prospective partner, you are only cheating yourself.
You know within you how you would like to identify with someone. This extends not only to a friendship but also to your sexual identity.
There are many members here who have meaningfull relationships either with hetrosexual partners or same sex because, those partners are not judgmental and believe in the person and not the thin veneer of the exterior.
By telling someone, you are dealing with your inner self and not how you expect people may see you .
It does sound like a cliche by stating: ‘People who don’t accept me are not really my true friends’ But in life we make that same condition when we meet anyone that we form any relationship with.
There is no real answer other than what response you will get when you share with someone else.
You will be best placed to know. [img] -
I feel its better to tell the person sooner rather than later, and if they get spooked then it may save problems down the track.
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I believe that you should tell a prospective partner at the beginning, as soon as you feel that things are serious. A few months down the track and you’re talking “deceipt’ and that is never a good thing in a relationship.I told all my partners and to a few it was very acceptable as they did not like the sort of guy they had met previously. To others, significantly, it was a problem but none ever rejected me on account of this alone.It is who we are and I believe , too important to risk once we are in the position of hurting our loved ones ,when it all comes, out one day down the track.
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Hi girls,I think that the best policy is to be honest right from the start,that way you will find out from the beginning how she really feels about you,and if she truly loves you then she will accept you for who you are no matter what,and will support you.If she does’nt truly love you,then at least you have the chance to let her go before it’s too late,and avoid all the pain and heartache that goes with the losing her later on if she “discovers” your secret further down the track,as many of us have already found out the hard way.I’ve recently asked my neighbour,who is a lovely lady,out tosee a movie or dinner sometime,and although she knows that I’m t.g.,had no hesitation in accepting my offer of going out with me(much to my surprise!).Although neither of us are looking for a serious relationship at the moment,at least if anything ever did happen in time,she knows about me and has already accepted me for who I am and I would not face the difficulty of not knowing if she would want to be with me or not,so please,girls,do yourselves and any prospective girlfreinds/partners/future wives a favour and be upfront with them from the start,as we owe it to them to be honest about ourselves so that they at least have the chance to decide if they can cope with being with someone who is t.g./c.d.or not.And who knows,if she doesn’t,you could very well end up finding someone who will,and end up far better off in the long run.
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Quote:Hi girls,I think that the best policy is to be honest right from the start
I have experienced both telling a partner well into a relationship and telling another very early in the relationship and have to agree that very early is the best option. As I get older, I get more interested in being more out in general.
Not only would I never even consider not telling a prospective partner, I’d quite likely want them to see me fully dressed before a relationship became serious. If they couldn’t handle that, the relationship would be ultimately doomed regardles of how it felt to start with.
For similar reasons, my son has known of my female alter ego essentially since birth. Knowing from infancy is far better than hiding it for years and springing it on them later, even if all the predictions on the ‘net say that I’ll be outed by him in the future.
Quote:that way you will find out from the beginning how she really feels about you,and if she truly loves you then she will accept you for who you are no matter whatI don’t think that it is necessarily love that is the issue. Bigotry is a big issue in our society no matter how much we try to delude ourselves! Some people will never get past their bigoted view of crossdressers to know and accept the person inside.
Alice
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It is of course essential to tell any prospetive partner. However a problem that can arise is that one is attracted to girls and therefore regards oneself as completely normal and the cross-dressing as a minor aberration which one can do without in a relationship. Later one finds this is more difficult than one expects. I wasn’t into CDing to any great extent before my first marriage and regarded myself as a normal heterosexual guy and didn’t confess prior to the ceromony. It was a disastrous marriage and broke up for other reasons than CDing. Since then I’ve had couple of potential relationships where the lady couldn’t get way fast enough on hearing about my interest. One offered to “consider” a relatioship if I could guaranty to give up “my hobby”. This time I couldn’t get away quick enough. However it’s a story with a happy ending as I have met and married a totally tolerant lady and lead a very rich life.
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Hi to all you girls,just a little update on my previous post in which I mentioned that I had asked my neighbour out to a movie,well I arranged a date for us to go out,and she accepted,but had to cancel at the last minute due to family commitments,but then proceeded to ask me out the following evening instead(much to my delight!)as she was taking her son to the movies that night and wanted to have my company as well.after asking me to go with them, SHE then asked me if I would also like to go to the movies on our own together the following weekend and of course I’ve accepted her offer,and while we were waiting for the movie to start on our first night out with her son in tow,we went outside to have a cigarette,I asked her if she would be interested in going out for a meal before the movie on our first night out on our own,and she said she would be delighted to.where all this will lead I dont know,but it is a wonderful feeling to have someone who knows what I am,and yet is willing to go out and spend time with me,so I’m hoping that we can get to know each other a little better on our next date,as being on our own will allow us a little more privacy to talk more freely about ourselves and the sorts of things each of us is looking for in life.I’m so happy that this has happened that I just wanted to share my joy with all of yuo other girls out there alsolove Cate
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I actually was very lucky the first time the lady I married is a wonderfull and loving person who accepts Dianne as being part of me and all part of the big package that she loves. I was also very lucky when I told her of Dianne we were going to a switch night and we spent about a week before hand checking out clothes that would suit me and finding things I could wear and finnally on the night she spent a long time making me up (I ended the night winning first prize for best dressed) someone even told me I was had gone to wrong loo before they recognised me. Anyway I was talking to my wife at the do and straight out said to her that I had enjoyed doing this and would she mind if we could do it again and with my heart in my mouth she said of course we could its fun I belive that was the night that Dianne was born because since then my wife has been nothing but supportive helping me buy clothes helping me with makeup keeping the kids away so that I can sneak out of the house and also keeping my feet planted firmly on the ground when I go too far. Our relationship is as strong now as it was all those years ago as I said I was very lucky to find her.
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She needs to know. I have policy about telling a prospective partner about Paula as we are getting confortable with each other. But she needs to know before the first time we go to bed. I fell telling her after been in bed is like betraying her.
I have been rejected, but thats how it goes, It is better to be in no relationship, than to be in a unhappy one.
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I have told my last 3 girlfriends within the 1st 2 weeks. I want to be with someone who accepts me for me. the longer you wait, the harder it becomes. sooner or later there will be a woman who can overlook the clothes for the personallity
