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Telling older children about wanting to be TS
I’ve kept my crossdressing “under control” all of my life. I have “come out” on a couple of occasions. Once, disastrously to an ex girlfriend who completely disowned me. And then about 5 years ago to my wife who was very understanding and supportive. She has since developed dementia and now lives in a Nursing Home. My son is 21 and lives at home and my daughter is 17 and lives with my sister in law and her family.
With my wife’s blessing I became more feminine, dressing, shaving all over, etc., and when both the kids were away for a few months earlier this year I spent much more time as Tina.
Coming to terms with things over the years I realise that I am not a crossdresser but am TS. I don’t just like to wear womens clothes and thats it; I want to dress as a woman and to show myself as a woman to the public. When I dress well with full make-up I can pass in shopping centres etc..
My question is: When should I come clean with my children? Tell them firstly that I like to dress as a woman, and then that I want to be a woman?
I know I need to take it easy and that they also have to deal with their Mums situation but I am really hanging out to be accepted by them as a crossdresser and then TS. I think my son who is 21 would be more than OK about it; my daughter who is 17 less so.
I would appreciate your comments. -
8 Replies
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It’s your life Tina and you only get one go. Your wife approved, your son and you sound close, your daughter might have issues but you can’t live her life for her and she seems to be getting on with hers.
I say damn the torpedo’s and full steam ahead!
“Seize the day!”
Carpe diem is a phrase from a Latin poem by Horace. It is popularly translated as “seize the day”. The general definition of carpe is “pick, pluck, pluck off, gather” as in plucking, although Horace uses the word in the sense of “enjoy, make use of.”
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Tina,
I was forced to come out a couple of years ago and I can relate two stories regarding my son who is in his thirties and a step daughter who was 22. My son was very cool with it, he sat and we spoke about my management and control issues, whether I should stop dressing and be unhappy or dress when I wanted and be happy, his call was the I should do what I believe is best for me, after all I am his father and that is something he would never want to change. The step-daughter was vicious in her approach and I never wish to experience such vitriol in my life. Be wary of the reactions, but in saying that honesty is always the best policy.
Hugs
Helen xxxx
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Hi Tina
When someone has kids so many things change. They seem to put the kids life first and their own want and needs are seldom considured. By the time the kids are in their late teens and ready to leave home or have left home, parents are still in this put the kids first mode.
Your kids are now ready to move on and live their own lives. Although your son has move home again, so more that you have a place for him to live with good terms, than him needing your guildance on a minite basics like he was when he was young.
Its time for you to live your live. You need to be happy and if this is what makes you happy then it soemthing you need to do.
I dont have kids, but I did put my transition on hold because of my parents. I was living my life to keep them happy instead of me been happy. To start with I had some hassles but as soon as they worked out how much happier I was living as a girl, they are now 100% on my side and are very supportive. So in some ways it was much the same.
Go girl go.
xxx
Kelly Jones
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If you feel the need to tell your kids then you should go ahead , I think this coming out malarkey all boils down to courage. Not just courage for the act itself but for trusting that the listener will be courageous enough to look at the issue and for us to trust that we are acceptable and lovable as we really are and not as others see us when we hide our real selves.
I know how easy it is to use reasons to put off telling others about our selves ” she won’t understand, she is too old/young now to face it etc.”
A long time ago now, I told everyone of importance in my life and the rest have a perfectly clear picture to see for themselves and the feeling of freedom it brought to my life is fantastic. I did lose a few along the way but I trust my friends and family to see through their prejudices and they rarely dissapoint me . -
So, 2 weeks ago I took the plunge and told them about Tina. They reckon they already knew – an email on the home computer and a wig found in a drawer. In hindsight these may have been left subconsciously, deliberately my me.
Anyway, they were absolutely fantastic about and have no concerns. Yesterday was the first time they actually saw Tina. Again, no problems. My daughter thought I looked pretty (but, of course!) and my son suggested I grow my hair rather than wearing a wig!. His girlfriend saw Tina too and thinks its great that I can walk in heels. 30 years of practice will do that!
So, all is great and I feel so liberated. Can dress when I want and leave clothes in the open. I’ve got my wigs on dummy heads in my bedroom. I’ve already been out to Seahorse meetings and pubs quite openly without having to work out who is at home or when they are returning. The weight of the world is off my shoulders. It really is a truly great end to the year and a tremendous Christmas present.
Best wishes to all at Christmas. -
Congratulations Tina, you are now set to have a much better life. You will now be free to workout how far you want to go, ruther than the confinds stopping thoses thoughts from existing.
Merry Xmas.
xxx
Kelly Jones
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This one’s a little different, I suppose, but for a variety of reasons, my niece is staying with us now. She just moved back to Sydney and is in a transition stage, (ie new job, finding accommodation, etc). I haven’t been Julie for nearly 6 weeks and it’s driving me nuts!!!! She is my late sister’s kid and feels like a daughter to me but I dare not tell her my secret – she is too close to the extended family.
My wife now deals with my need to dress and understands my situation but even she has had enough of catering for a girl, (she’s 38), who isn’t our daughter. I just wish there was a “crossdresser sanctuary” where I could go for a few hours a day to relax. My wife would be happy if we moved into a plush hotel for the next few weeks until she leaves… with me dressed or not!
Are we being selfish? I hope not, because I will shortly go insane if I can’t relax en femme and my wife feels she’ll go insane regardless!!
Any other girls suffer this problem?
Julie
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Re my above post: why the smiley? it should have read thirty-eight ) ;
I guess it’s just a way to cheer me up…… it didn’t work
