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The Fall
I had a fall, not a majestic fall but an old folk ‘oh fuck fall.’ The fall hurt, not only physically but with a high dose of shock, but psychologically with a level of life reassessment. I’ve had to ‘let go’ of activities I once did and can, it seems no longer participate, it involves a grieving process. I’ve had to let go of a lot of thoughts and just where I am in the world. Younger folk may consider my thoughts as the ramblings of an old fart, but I think this thinking process affects everyone sooner or later; it’s part of life’s ongoing processes. It’s part of living experiences this ‘letting go’ which I believe is a preparation for one’s impending death which everyone has to face. I’m a spiritual soul, not a religious person, and I did read recently a quote which I thought apt. Religion is for those who fear going to hell; spirituality is for those who have been there. Now everyone who experiences being transgender with all the high and lows that such a life offers has, in my opinion been to hell and back. How many people in the community have lived through suicidal thoughts and even attempts,experienced the Hades of depression or bipolar and a host of other psychological disturbances sent to try us, a horrific life indeed.
For me this life assessment has nothing to do with being transgender, being transgender is just an aspect of life that we as a community are required to experience throughout life. And for those younger people who may think that being transgender will eventually disappear, fade into the background, can be beaten; it most certainly can’t.
This ‘letting go’ is an ongoing process, my fall from grace was awake up call, letting me know that I am quite old and probably incapable of many things. Last night I couldn’t undo the screw top wine bottle, my wife couldn’t, it took someone else in the restaurant, much younger who managed the task in a fraction of a second. Normally I’m fine at opening wine bottles but the dislocated thumb impeded my efforts. And so I’m facing a challenge, I think one of my greatest challenges in life, just what are we doing here, and, what’s it all for? What is the final result? -
5 Replies
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Oh so true, and sadly so. I sometimes have problems with screw tops, jam or marmalade jars are also a prize nuisance. I used to dip the lids into a wide mouthed cup of hot water but now I find I can use a particular kind of bottle opener to release the seal which makes it easy,
Arthritis in the base of both thumbs, a shoulder that was damaged at work have contributed to reduced dexterity, zips in the back of dresses are awkward. I now use a pair of long surgical forceps clamped onto the zip tab to give me extra reach.
We have to accept that we have to slow down, stop climbing ladders, leave the stilettos. All the things we used to take for granted. Eyesight makes the application of make-up a bit dodgy. On one particular gathering a lady of Scottish heritage got her foundation shade mixed up and almost presented as Indian in appearance..
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Yes the ravages of age stare back at us in the mirror every time we look at ourselves as they do for all of humanity. I wish we did not grow old and frail at times but we do. What we do have is our dignity and our life long memories and treasures. Yes we all come to conclusions and have period of deep contemplation on “Where we are and where we will be” but that’s not uncommon. Strangely, today I had a very same experience; however, It was not of my own it was hearing about another. I was in the Barbers getting a hair cut “Yes I do have to behave as a Male during my working life” when I asked the barber where his other barber was. I was told that the other barber had passed away from Cancer .. The guy would have been 35 if that. So I reflect and think, yes life has its trials to go through; however, I’m fortunate enough to still be here to sample it
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Age gets us all in the end. I find a bit of solace in the fact that I look 10 or so years younger as a woman than a man. The price I pay for wearing heels is a sore neck and headache the next day! I’m prepared to pay the price for now. I guess living for today is the best philosophy as who knows what’s around the corner? Great topic for us “older” folk.
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Ohh Claire I know we all age and the knees go weak, the ankles aren’t quite as stable as they used to be but surely we can’t give away our stillettos
I hope that despite the fall hon you were okay, perhaps injuries to our pride but that can always be overcome. I am sure that as the years encroach on even GG’s that the heels get a little lower the dresses and skirts get a little longer until we eventually all look like our grandmothers. Even though there are some drawbacks there must surely be some good things as well.
My list of pluses based on age
We get offered a seat on public transport
Having toilet paper stuck to the bottom of our shoe or having our skirts tucked in to our panties isn’t so out of place
If we walk in to the male toilet out of habit we can always blame onset of alzheimers
If our breast forms jiggle out of the bra and fall down the front of our blouses then no one actually notices
Hair in strange places isn’t unusual
Support pantyhoseFeel free to add anymore
Love as always
Glenda -
I’m totally with you Phillippa. I noticed the other day during makeup the ravages of gravity is having on the face. It was the middle of the day and not the usual evening, thus highlighting the problem. It’s a horrid feeling… With all in place the result was a good ten years wiped away and that smile and confidence returned, not enough to spend the rest of the day and night in heels, so the stylish flats made an appearance on and off through this most special of times. Enjoy the moment. Andi.
